Today, I went back to the place where you kissed me for the first time.
The lady at the counter remembered me as the girl
that would always smile softly at the tall boy,
and my arms wouldn't stop trembling
as I grabbed the ice cream from her aged hands.
I still feel you in my bones.
I remember the day I got the call.
Your mom's voice was incoherent through the static
and the violent sobs.
"He...he swerved into the median and his car flipped," your brother
never really liked me,
but in that moment he sounded almost sorry for me,
for all of us.
I saw your brother cry for the first time that night,
and between the ugly hiccups,
he said, "Hell, he'd die laughing if he saw me like this."
and I said, "That death would've been more fitting."
Please come back now.
I remember laying in bed for days,
replaying the conversations,
the memories,
the very essence of you.
I miss you like the moon misses the sun.
Your best friend stood next to me at the memorial service.
"Do you believe in God?" He asked me this as your brother said a few words that your Dad wrote for him.
"Do you believe in God?" You asked me this on a crisp February evening,
much different from the freezing November morning they lowered you
6 feet into the ground.
I smiled and leaned my face into your soft, brown hair,
"Yeah, I do. Because I believe he led me to you, dearest."
"No. I don't," I replied to your best friend and he glanced down
at the empty coffin,
"Me too," he whispered.
Something inside me cracked that day.
Your last words to me were: "You looked so beautiful in the moonlight.
I feel like I've fallen in love with you all over again. I'll see you soon, I promise"
I'm so scared that in our haste to heal, we'll forget too soon.
Because you my love,
were beautiful.
And beautiful things deserve to be remembered.
"I'll remember you.
I promise, I will."
My arms still shake when I drive by your neighborhood.
My eyes still water when I walk by your locker.
My knees still tremble when I stumble into our Chemistry class.
But I promise,
I'll remember you.
I'll remember you.
-the Moon
I love you so much.
It's still hard to breathe.