My addiction to you
You say, at least
Is small
That it is a mere grain of sand
But what you do not understand
To me
It is a mountain
It keeps me awake at night because
I feel I am hurting you
I'm sorry if I am
And you secrete it behind smiles
And jokes
My addiction is strong
And I do not know how to loosen my grip
And for that I am so sorry

An endless amount of wanting to see you wanting to be with you all of the time but an endless amount of fear to tell you because I do not want you to see me in need
I want to be able to stand by myself with you in the other room
I have to be prepared if you ever decide that you have gotten sick of me
If you ever decide to walk away
I don’t know how to even consider the thought of you leaving because I have wrapped myself up in our movie days
I have become too accustomed to our Wednesdays
I have gotten so lost in this peace that you bring, that the mere idea of you taking it away is frightening
There is an endless amount of wanting to see you and wanting to be with you all of the time and I do want to tell you
And I am working to get to the point where I do
You will know when and
I pray it is soon
because I've learned that in asking comes receiving
And confession brings good things
So maybe, when I tell you
You will agree
And I will spend less time missing you
And more time being with you

I think it is hard to define true pain
We all have those bad days
We all have those bad nights
We all feel pain but in what context is it real
In moments when you feel hopeless
Those who you hope will comfort you
Will come up with excuses
Will say that others have it worse
Will tell you it's not that big of a deal
When you go to the doctor for pain
They will ask you to measure it
On a scale of 1 to 10
That is considered normal and necessary
We are told that tears are only salt water rivers
That will flow and drown your skin
But they will dry
Letting the crystal evaporate into the sunlight that makes everything better in the morning
Tears are no small thing to me
I believe that if something aches you enough
That your eyes produce water to show this
That your body knows that you cannot stand the dry desserts, you have to drown sometimes
In everything, we are told that it's not as bad as we think
That we should see what other people are going through
I do believe that their pain is real
But I do not believe that mine is meaningless
I still feel just as they do
My body does not listen to these excuses
I cannot train myself to always be happy
Because I am so lucky
I know that I am so lucky
And I am thankful
But my pain still matters
I am stuck giving myself scars by ripping it from my veins
But I am not going to keep my pain in a box
Do not tell me that this pain is only an advocate for attention
We've all paid the toll in exchange for rites of passage
Maybe I am misunderstanding the meaning of pain
But I believe all pain is real
If you feel it, it has to be there
Pain demands to be felt
So feel it

In life we all want to be remembered as something great
To have someone look up to you
To have someone be to proud of you
And lately I've come to the sad conclusion
That no one sees me as something special
The feeling of knowing that you've ****** up
And there's no turning back
Knowing you could've been so much better than this
Knowing you could've really made people happy
Just by saying no to certain things
But when you reach the brink of temptation
You say yes without realizing the devastation
Without even seeing the danger
And one day you wake up as just another one
Just another person who didn’t listen to the advice
We were all told as a child
Never thinking this would ever happen
But here we are
Just another **** up
That's all I am

Falling in love with you
Simply doesn’t make sense
There's no logic to it
There's no brilliant explanation
That makes everyone suddenly understand
Falling in love with you
Is a playful game
Toss you around and laugh
When your hair gets messed up
Whoever smiles more is the winner
And the prize is only more jokes
Falling in love with you
Is something not everyone will notice
Something you can point to
But you cannot actually see
Something that’s not concrete
But not abstract
Falling in love with you
Is a little frightening
It is a scary process for sure
But I asked for it
What I have discovered about myself
Is I've never asked for something
That I wasn’t at least just a little bit afraid of
Falling in love with you
Is an easy task but hard work
I cannot help but do it
But in the midst of the ease
It is taking a lot more energy
Than I had ever planned
And I do not mind
You are the match that lights my fire
You are the calm in the storm
You are the hope in my seemingly distraught life
And I do not plan on letting you go
I will tie you around my wrist like a precious balloon
I will handcuff you to me like a criminal
I will hold you like you are the only warm thing in a snow storm
I am falling in love with you
And I do not mind
Not one bit

My love
refers to me
as an artist
I maintain
that I just paint
as this
color slinger
simply reproduces
the masterpiece
her love
creates

I hate you
I hate you for choosing her
I hate you for not staying
I hate you  for not missing me
I hate you for the way you make me feel
I hate that you're the person that lets me down the most
I hate how you don't call
I hate the way you can read my mind
I hate the sound of your voice and how my heart skips a beat when I hear it
I hate the way my hands shake when I call you
I hate the fact that I still think about you every night
I hate the fact that when we speak your words make me what to write poetry
I hate that you live a city away
I hate that I still write about you
I hate that I can't kiss you
I hate that I would choose you, always
I hate that all of this doesn't matter to me.
Because I love you.

I Will Dream For You,
A Spectator to your word,
They drip silently from your pen,
Pain and passion mixed beautifully,
I Will Call You No One,
Sometimes I can not speak after reading,
Empty and Beating left my heart throbbing,
Your poems got me all One Sided,
Never stop writing,
Every word was worth it,
And so are you.