I tried so hard to keep you safe,
I held it all in until I couldn't anymore...
Lord knows I tried...

I thought I could do it,
I swore up and down,
I smiled outside while inside I broke down...

The truth hit me in the face,
Though, I tried so hard to deny...
It doesn't matter how hard I try,
I'll never be able to keep you safe.
I am the problem...

Just keep your distance,
You'll be alright,
Just know that I love you,
And that it's for you that I fight.

You mean more than the world,
You're my shining star,
Just keep your distance,
You'll still shine bright.
Just know that I love you,
And it's for you that I fight.

Laughable, lovable,
Cuddly and sweet.
But threaten his family and you're dead meat.

His growl rolls out like thunder,
His feet are apart,
His body is squared,
The hair on his back stands up,
And his teeth are bared.

His fangs flash like lightening,
You have every right to be scared.
You can tell he means business!

Take heed, for your next move could very well be your last.
As he moves to face the threat,
You can hear his growl clearly say
"Come any closer and I'll rip you to shreds"

Stay alive.
Deep breaths.
You're calling me a hypocrite, I know,
But darling,
I'm not worth as much as you.

Your beautiful smile lights up the room,
Your words paint a picture, captivating everyone.
Your arms embrace so many,
Their pain are scars on your wrists.
Stay alive.

Live on for me.
You're calling me selfish, I know,
But darling,
I'm not worth as much as you.

The lives you've touched multiply daily,
They all talk of the one who gave them light,
Who looked at them with love, not spite.

You're crying,
Calling me stupid, I know,
But I wasn't worth as much as you.

A life time of crying out,
Falling on deaf ears.
So much pain,
No one cares enough to see.

4 years of complete silence.
No cries,
No screams,
Nothing.

Finally today,
I'm breaking the silence.
Help me.
Don't let me fall.
I'm teetering on the edge,
The storm's beating down,
And I'm tempted to jump.

It's morbid,
I know.
You're telling me to hang one,
But I've been hanging on for 16 years.
16 years too long...

Its okay,
I'm not afraid,
I'll let you go and you'll be fine.

My breathing's getting slower,
And my heart starts to fade,
As the tears fall from your face.

You wipe them away,
You pull me in tight,
Trying to make me stay.
Trapped in love's embrace.

It's okay,
I'm not afraid,
I'll let you go and you'll be fine.

The beat's almost stopped,
My voice is getting faint,
And with my last breath I lean in to say,
"It's okay,
I'm not afraid,
I'll let you go and you'll be fine.
I love you."

I've jumped off the Junior Cliff,
And now broken, bruised and battered.

My defenses dropped,
My immunity lowered,
I've caught Senioritis.

My academic heartbeat has significantly slowed,
I've jumped off the cliff, but I'm not alone,
Signs are hung from trees,
They read
  "Here lies the class of 2016"

It's not as simple as you think,
I didn't just give up,
I did try hard enough,
But since you've been here,
Everything's changed.

You told me I was beautiful,
A cigarette between your teeth.
I raged at the careless gesture,
You laughed and smiled.
The first meeting,
A beautiful metaphor.

A first kiss,
A shared wish,
And the silent love.
A beautiful metaphor.

Happily Ever After came crashing down,
Our demise up in lights,
You held on 'til the bitter end,
A flickering candle in the dead of night.
A beautiful metaphor.

You'll live forever in me.
Augustus and Hazel,
Okay? Okay.
A beautiful metaphor.

Pretty words,
Filled with lies.
A web you're spinning,
But getting caught up every time.

I couldn't see before,
But now it's plain.
You've done this before and you'll do it again.
When will I learn?

Why can't I see?
So blind,
I'm crippled,
And you aim to torture me.

Struck down by your madness,
Confused by your words,
And angered by your actions that reveal your lies.
Why can't I see?
I really should leave...
Why can't I see?

I've always been there,
I've always cared.
I've given up sleep,
Foregone birthday joy,
Listened until my ears gave out.
So tell me,
Where are you now?

You're tired?
So am I, but I'll stay awake for you.
You need something?
Ok, let me drop whatever I'm doing.
I need something?
***** for me...

I'm not your counselor,
Of course I care,
But I can't always be there.
I have my own issues.
My life is crumbling you see,
Oh wait, you don't,
You don't even see me...

Crouched on the bathroom floor,
Devoid of breath and clearly a mess.
Time slows and for a moment, everything stops.

The fears that were once kept at bay,
Stored in the back of my mind,
Are now released,
Closing in, one at a time.

The air grows thick,
Choking out the peace,
Slowly strangling me into submission.

Heart quickens,
Breathing shallows,
Is this how it ends?
Is this how it goes?
Stuck in the bathroom and no one knows?

Trembling and shaking,
Quivering with fear,
But then it all ends with
"Darling come here."

Put down the bottle,
Step away from the drugs,
The procedure of life is hard enough.

It's good in the moment,
The euphoric high.
But once you come down,
All you can do is cry.

Depression sets in,
And you look at your life.
Broken pieces,
Withered and dead.
Like a rose on the ground.

You do it again,
Just to feel whole.
But this time, the high doesn't come 'round.

You took too much,
Trying to numb the pain.
Life flashes before you,
And you see it slip away...

Don't look back.
Keep running.
They'll only hold you back.

Ignorant to your plans,
Uncaring for your future,
They'll only hold you back.

Grabbing your arms,
Shackling your feet.
Break the chains now.

They'll say you let them down,
They'll say you disappoint.
Shake it off,
Block it out,
And run.

Though you may love them,
Though you may care,
If you look back,
You'll be ensnared.
Keep running.

Wake me up with a tender touch,
A soft kiss,
And a pretty word.

Lie with me,
Watching the sunrise,
Holding me close.

I'll snuggle in an we'll talk about the future,
Waste the day away.
Say you love me,
And I will too.
You lean in,
But then you're gone...

I wake up...
You're still gone and I lie awake,
Wishing that it was reality...

People wonder why I don't talk or why I don't sleep.
The reason is because you're not here with me.
You were my heart,
You were my life.
My rock,
My anchor,
My angel.

I know I let you down
I know I wasn't there,
But it's because I didn't want to see,
I didn't want to believe...

I didn't want to see my world slipping away from me.
I didn't want to see you so weak,
I didn't want to see how I abandoned you...

I lived in denial,
I lived in fear,
But deep down I knew I'd wake up one day,
And you wouldn't be here.
I'll never forgive myself and I'll never forget,
But please come back to me...

I saw you with her today,
In your hands, you held both of our hearts.
Hers. Mine.
Her face held the brightest smile,
One that's been missing for quite a while.
So I ducked my head and let it go.
Gave up my love for someone else to hold...
After all, you were rightfully hers,
I really had no claim.
Just know that you took a part of me,
And while it's missing, I just won't be the same.

I hope you make her happy,
I hope you make her laugh,
Because if I ever see tears darken her eyes again,
I'm coming after you with a bat.

They say it's a pretty day,
But all I see is grey.
They ooh and ahh over all the colors,
But each one looks the same as the other.
They notice every single change,
But to me it looks all the same.

Their optimistic, holistic views,
Giving way to a heart that doesn't know.
The pain of losing and grieving;
They'll never know...

They tell me they've seen it all,
But in reality, they break every time they fall.
I fall, but I only chip,
I can't afford to break apart,
I have to tighten my grip.

Tighten my grip on the ones I love,
Pulling them closer in,
Trying to find a reason to live.
Anchoring myself to this world.
Standing firm for them.
For if I fall apart, so do they....

The Hand of Death grips me,
It's icy hold,
Peaceful, sweet.

The sweet voice,
Beckoning me,
Cajoling me,
The Hand of Death pulls me into the light.

The clinging grasps,
The searching fingers,
They pull me back,
Establishing an everlasting game of tug-of-war.
They don't understand,
They need to let me go.
It's for the best.

I'm straining for peace,
Straining for love,
But staying for them.
Why?
I honestly don't know..

Keep your eyes open,
This is your warning.
Close them, and lose yourself.

You're surrounded by monsters,
Lurking in the shadows,
Watching and waiting.
Though I know your body's weary,
And all you want is to give in,
I'm telling you,
Keep your eyes open.

They're sitting there,
Just waiting for you to fail.
Waiting for you to fall.
If you slow,
If you sleep,
They'll catch you.
Keep your eyes open.

Run,
Hide,
Don't close your eyes.

Ashlei Cottom
Sweetheart, fine art is not about pride. It's about FINDING pride. It's about creating something and taking pride in the fact that you did. When I read your poetry, all I hear is "Me, me, me, I'm the best." That's not what poetry is... Poetry is not self praise. Poetry is taking the most hurtful, joyful, mixed, complicated emotions that you have and putting them into words that make everyone understand. You may tell write back and tell me everything that is wrong with my poetry, but I will not care. Why? Because I know that I have successfully been able to express myself in ways that other people can relate to and enjoy. Ways that they may not have been able to express the same feelings. I have confidence in your ability to realize your mistakes and fix them. I look forward to seeing these changes. So please, take this to heart and write. :)
Loghain Carvó
How laughable that one of my lessors attempts to give I art recommendations.

Ashlei Cottom
It's not so much your art I'm trying to change, but your character. It's your character that is reflected in your art.

Ashlei Cottom  
And if I could ask, why do you assume I am your lessor?
Loghain Carvó  
I am not assuming, you already have shown that you are a lessor human through your words.

Ashlei Cottom  
By encouraging you to keep doing what you love and bettering your character? Sir, I'm sorry, but if that is your opinion, I don't think it is I who is the lessor human...
Loghain Carvó
That is not what makes you my lessor, You are my lessor simply because you lack the artistic vision to fully appreciate the magnitude of my grand works. Please refrain from responding to this message as I wish to waste no more of my precious breath on peasants.

Ashlei Cottom
And how is it that I am a lessor human if all I do is try and help? Some people cut down and criticize and make others feel like mere mud on other's shoes. I am not one of those. I try to see the good in everyone. I think you have great talent, but I wish you would use that and dig deeper. I can tell you right now, with an unbiased opinion, that you unfortunately come across as narcissistic, selfish and and as you so eloquently put it, a "lessor human."

Blow out the candles Birthday Girl,
Try for a moment to forget this cruel world.
Try not to hate that you were born.

Just for a moment,
Let it all slip away.
Don't think about those scars on your arm,
Nor the cuts on your wrist.
Don't think that you're the person no one will miss.
Just blow out the candles Birthday Girl.

Ignore all the problems,
Ignore all the hurting.
Ignore the hole in the wall,
Ignore the shattered glass in the hall,
And ignore the shouts and slamming doors.
Just blow out your candles Birthday Girl.

Close your eyes,
Take a deep breath,
Let it out slow,
And open.
Though you may celebrate by yourself,
Just blow out your candles.

Here comes the countdown.
5...
The blades clang.
The battle leaves no one alive.
5...
4...
Death does not discriminate,
Not between the rich nor the poor.
5...
4...
3...
The ghostly silence echos through the trees.
5...
4...
3...
2....
There's no one left to mourn for you.
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...
All of this will be forgotten with the rising sun.

There will be no blood tonight,
There will be no fear.
I'm eliminating all threats today.
You will find safety here.

Come child and I'll keep you safe and warm,
I'll wrap you in my arms,
I'll wipe away your tears.

Breathe,
Laugh,
Live.
You're free.

You're free from the pain,
You're free from the shame.
All of the disgrace has been cleansed from your name.

This is the promise I make to you,
This is what will come when you leave the world behind.

I'll wipe away your tears,
I promise.

Like a shark surrounds it's prey,
You skirt around me,
Never hitting head on.
Backing into a corner,
Scaring me into hiding.

Was the pain you caused not enough?
Are not my emotional scars enough?
Or is it because I fought back that you need something more permanent?

Eliminating my army,
Eliminating my support,
One by one.
Until I am alone...

I will not give up,
I will not back down.
I will fight,
I will win.
No more of my blood will be shed for you,
No more of my tears will you get.
The fear has turned to anger,
I'm warning you now, RUN.

This haunted corpse,
This broken shell,
This empty lifeless body with it's putrid smell,
She still walks.

She roams the streets,
Her heart on her sleeve,
Bleeding and broken, yet still beating.

There's no light in her eyes,
There's no mirth in her body,
No truth in her speech,
And no joy in her laugh.
There's nothing left.

She gave all she had,
Bled until she could bleed no more.
A corpse.
A shell.
She still walks.
There's nothing left.

I'm no quiet wonder,
I'm no shining beauty,
I'm no special genius,
I'm just ordinary.

I don't stand out in a crowd,
I don't have a voice that everyone listens to,
And I don't have the body that makes heads turn.
I'm just ordinary.

I have the arms that welcome everyone,
I have the hands that ache to heal,
I have the quiet voice and the curtain of hair,
The ears that will listen,
The heart that will bleed for you and care.
But, I'm just ordinary.

Nothing special,
Nothing beautiful,
Just ordinary.

There's me,
There's them.
Same room,
Different planet.
To them, I don't exist.

Secluded I sit,
Quiet I stay.
I don't really belong in their group anyway.

Like a ghost,
I slip through their radar.
Unseen.
Like ships in the night,
Slipping through foreign waters
Scared and alone,
Just trying to make it through.

Their happy, smiling faces,
Their mundane, mind-numbing chatter.
Drugs. ***. Parties.
To me, none of that matters.
Same room,
Different planet.

You hear me laugh,
You see me smile,
You think everything's ok,
But it's not and it hasn't been for quite a while.

It's become second nature,
Keeping up this masquerade.
Lying, smiling and laughing,
Hoping you don't see through the charade.

Though I grow so tired,
Wishing to give it all up,
I have to keep going.

Never can I stop,
Never can I cry,
And here's the reason why;
If I crack even a little,
It all comes undone.
Everything I've worked to hide,
Will come to light.
And so like the web of a spider,
A web of lies continues to be spun.

I'm the invisible daughter,
Forgotten right down to the core.
The bane of my parent's existence;
The bad apple fallen from their Tree of Life.

I only exist when I'm in trouble.
But I wonder,
What do they see when they're yelling at me?
Do they see my mistake?
Or theirs?

I watch my father with his other daughter,
The perfect doting dad.
I flashback to my childhood and the love I never had.
I pray for my sister,
Pray that this last forever, and that she never know him as I did.

I watch my mother from afar,
The distance between us insurmountable, though in the same house.
I pray for my sisters, that they never see her as I had.

I'm their disappointment,
Their failure,
Though still I remain, The Invisible Daughter.

I don't have the strength to stand.

I'm done with the crying,
I'm done with the hurt,
I've given up fighting and I stay down in the dirt.

I'm numb,
I'm broken,
But I'm just sitting silently,

I'm done with the screaming,
I'm done with the yelling,
I'm done trying to make you hear me!

I can't make you hear me,
I can't make you see what you're doing to me.
Why can't you see?
Would you care?
Well, I don't have the strength anymore,
I'm done.

Angry tears,
Wishing on falling stars,
Indescribable pain and hidden scars.
This is the story of a girl I know.

Criticized for who she loves,
Ridiculed by those who "love" her.
So many nights,
So many tears,
Knowing that she'll have to endure it for so many more years.

Growing up came like a curse,
And oh how she knew it would only get worse...

Trying to make herself perfect,
In order to make up for that one "flaw".
She can't see how beautiful it made her heart.
Her arms embrace the weeping,
And in a world full of ignorance,
She is our shining light.
This is the story of a girl I know.

"Why do you have to be like this?"
"Why can't you just be this way?"
"Why can't you be--?"
Be what?
Be perfect?
Sorry dear, what you see is what you're gonna get.

I'm done pretending,
I'm done trying,
I'm done caring.
I'll never be what you want!

I've tried my whole life to be perfect.
But what does that even mean?!
Whatever it is, it's something I'll never be.

Criticize all you want,
Tear me limb from limb,
I'll never be what you want.
I've wasted all my time,
I've wasted all these years,
I'm done.
Sorry dear.

Anxiety,  Depression, Mental Breakdowns;
This is the sad reality of high school.
No one escapes.

Sleepless nights, racing hearts, a lake of tears;
This is the product of high school.
No one escapes.

No one escapes the pain,
No one escapes the fear,
We all feel like we don't belong here.

A slew of words,
Condescending tones,
"You're alright, nothing's wrong."
"You'll be fine, you're overreacting."
But we're not!
It's real!
It's here!
No one escapes!

But of course,
No one listens...

Get your lips off of me,
You're dangerous.
Don't touch me,
I can't think straight.
Stop,
Take a step back.
Why did I ever get involved?

You used me,
You played me,
You threw me away.

I trusted,
I loved,
I thought you'd stay.
Boy was I stupid,
Silly girl,
What were you thinking?

This needs to end,
I need to walk away,
This needs to quit.
I can't, I fell too hard.
This vicious circle goes 'round and 'round.

Look in the mirror,
Make a face.
Open the bag and let it all fall out.
A little bit here, a little bit there.
Another color here and another and another.

Put down the brush,
The mask is complete.
Will they be happy now?
Will I?

Line the eyes,
Dot the lips,
Blot.
Oops, missed a spot.

Guess it's as good as it's gonna get...
Will they be happy now?
Will I?
Out the door,
Time to face the critics.

Don't be afraid to hold back,
Don't be afraid to say no.
Don't listen to his pleas,
Don't listen to their accusations, calling you a tease.
It's your body girl, just say no.

He'll tell you he loves you,
He'll say he'll hold you forever.
But what happens when the pill doesn't work?
What happens when the ****** breaks?
Or just when he finds someone else?
He'll take a part of you,
A part you on't get back.

You're gonna look in the mirror,
You're gonna curse yourself,
You're gonna curse him.
Listen girl, don't bring this upon yourself,
Save the heartbreak,
Save the hatred,
Just say no.

I see you tremble,
I see you shake,
Trying to figure out how to make your escape.

You didn't think he'd come,
You didn't think he'd show,
But he did.

Bile rises in your mouth,
Stomach churns,
Images play in your head.
Remembering everything that happened,
Everything that he did.

He took everything from you.
Your life,
Your joy,
Your security,
Your innocence.
Open your eyes, decide.
Clench your fists,
Walk past.
Take it all back and send the ******* straight to Hell.

It's dark down here...
In my hole...
Someone please save me!

It echos down here with my calls for help...
I don't like it down here!
How did I get down here?
I was pushed...
By who, you ask?
Everyone...

On the way down, I got scarred.
Razor sharp words and actions cut my arms and wounded me.
I fell and became broken...
And now?
I can't seem to get out...

Dam up the river,
Dry those eyes,
Throw away your fears.

Hold your breath,
Let it out slow.
Fake a smile,
Put on a good show.

Hold all of the secrets,
Hold all of the pain,
Lord knows you'll never be the same.

Day after day,
Crying out into the night.
The same nightmare,
The same scare,
The same fear,
The same prayer.
"Just let it end..."

I left my heart on your bedroom floor,
Like ***** laundry it was dropped.
What was I thinking?
Where was my mind?
Why did I think it would be different this time?

A beautiful night,
Our first kiss.
The memories haunt me...

I left my heart on your bedroom floor;
Forgotten, it was carelessly dropped.
Hopefully you remember it whenever you look at her.

A small slip of the tongue,
A simple flick of the wrist,
Something innocent like a first kiss,
And everything we know comes crashing down.

One love.
One choice.
One mistake.
But this is the price for the risks we take.

We can't always see,
We don't always care,
And the only thing left is the pain we all share.
Sometimes we're broken and we don't know why,
But all we can do is try.

Find the beauty in it all.
The forgiveness of a friend,
The light in the dark,
And the beautiful memories on which, in the storm, you'll depend.

Head to toe,
Everything goes.
One mark here,
Another there.
But hey, if she's pretty, who's to care?

One more pound,
A different nose,
A smaller waist.
She looks in the mirror and makes a face.
Everything goes.

No more food,
Bigger *****.
There's nothing to lose.

Her perception of beauty sealed her fate,
It took her life,
Oh such a waste.
And now I remember the way she was,
And how I loved her "flaws".

A flash of silver,
A touch of steel.
I hold my breath as it makes me feel.

A stinging pain,
Oh, how I swore I'd never do it again.
A crimson line,
One more,
One more,
And one last time.

Pulling down the sleeves,
Smiling to please.
Feeling numb.

Wishing to hurt,
Wishing to cry,
Wishing to scream.
Why?
I'm tired of telling myself
"One last time."

Calm down Little Seeker,
I know what you're searching for.
Happiness. Peace. Love.
Calm down Little Seeker,
Your destination's waiting for you.

You've been waiting for so long,
Like raindrops on a windowpane;
Hoping for an end.

An end to the search,
An end to the false hope,
An end to the disappointment.
It's there Little Seeker, take it.

Pure as honey,
White as snow,
Thus goes the ******'s glow.

Shaming eyes and pointing fingers,
Like Yellow Jacket's stingers.
Wound the flesh.
Leave the heart,
This is how the broken girl starts.

Tainted as sludge,
Charred as wood,
Though she did all she could.

Truthful words and denials weren't even worthwhile,
No words she chose were defense against the mouths that wouldn't close.

Pure as honey,
White as snow,
Thus went the ******'s glow.
Was not careful to hide her lust and now their true colors show.

Sparks fly,
Wind picks up,
Let's put on a show!

Tumble, Twirl
Flip and dip.
Heads in a whirl,
Never letting it slow.

Keep up the fun,
Keep up the trip,
Never letting it slow.
For if we do,
Precariously we'll slip,
Back into the depths of Hell below.

The clouds roll in,
The rain splatters on the ground,
And then comes the sound.

Like tinkling bells, sweet and silvery.
Like wind in the willows, soft but strong.
A small, soft sound,
Telling me that I belong.

Angry words,
Slamming doors.
In the car and silence screams,
So much for Happy Ever After

Tears fall.
Wondering where the time went,
Both feeling so small,
Looking at how the years were spent.

Felt like a fairy tale,
Once upon a time,
Watching their story fail,
They realize that it's just a nursery rhyme.

He was a prince,
But it's been a long time since.
She was beautiful,
But now she's just suitable.

So much for Happy Ever After,
Just leads to a sadder chapter...

I look in the mirror,
But who could this be?
Surely it is not me?

The girl in the mirror,
She has no life,
She has no light.

The girl in the mirror,
She has no smile,
She has not for a while...
She is battered and torn,
And she looks worn.

The girl in the mirror,
She has no strength,
She had no fight, but I might.

I walk away from the mirror,
I leave her behind.
Goodbye Girl In The Mirror,
You will not be me anymore.

You are infinite,
You are beautiful.
A twinkling star among a black sky,
A rainbow during a hurricane,
A rose among thistles.
But you don't see that...

Who made you this way?
Who took the light out of your eyes?
Who pushed and shoved 'til you could take it no more?
Who beat and broke you?
Tell me Darling, who?

Who broke your heart until it could feel no more?
Who made it to where no more tears could be shed?
Who ****** all the life from your body?
Tell me Darling, who?

Tell me Darling, who?
For God help them if you do,
Maybe they should try feeling this way too...

Meander down the halls,
Touch the broken walls,
The walls that surround you heart.

You watched them crumble,
You watched them fall,
And now you pay the price.

Alone with the hurting,
Alone with the sorrow,
Praying it'll all get better tomorrow.

You let them in,
You let them see,
And now you're back where you used to be.

Day by day, brick by brick,
Rebuilding that wall.
Regrowing the thorns,
Stitching up the places that are now torn.