the cold waves follow
in the wake of the warmth of the wind
and I, numb and wrestless
release
the warmth that once held me, gently
knowing that it never could be, for me
fearing that what I hold, will bury me
and the knowing
will bear my thoughts endlessly
beneath the sea.

i am the sweeping grey
i am the cool mercurial rays
i am the fleeting warmth
before your shiver
the endless shades of silver
i am the gently listing fingers
of the over burdened sky

i am the rumbling locus
of depth and density
the softly meandering incorporeality
i am the dissipating shade
and almost
silence.

it,
within me
sings
the door
the beckoning

i'm afraid
to look inside

i may just find
no thing alive

by consequence
by design

by my burdens
i'm defined

by my curses
i'm refined

my consequence
my design

look deep
       question
     and almost
         free
             that
secret eternity

illustrious soul
you are
a breathe of life
in my stillness

i long to hear my name
upon your lips
as a whisper
a seance
a summons

from soliloquy
my spirit

you are a beacon
in the darkness
shaping ghosts
into silhouettes

thus I am
inherently
apparently
and I fear
your nearness
for your radiance
by its nature
would banish me

your demons
it seems,
are your children,
your dreams.
(the meaning you see in things).
they have always been here.
needing you.
fearing you.
hearing you.

they are the yearning truth,
heed them and hold them and know them.
feed and compose and unfold them.
remember?
before the never they were golden

            a universe was inverted.
            they, were themselves, reborn.
            however, now, contorted

ever endless severings dwell in their untellings.
wanting for forgetting.
but beckoning an ending
for the shadows they are shedding

with your most tender thoughts,
touch them and love them and listen.
with your greatest truth listen.
with your compassion, affect them.
with your acceptance, perfect them.

never felt
so
alive
as when
i let
my body
lead
my mind

let the animals
lead
they
deserve to
no one can
do
what they do

i am
in all
probability
totally insane
the definition
of
a madman
and
i
love it.

i'm alive
******
you can't
****
this
you can't
suffocate
what i am
though
i know
you never
meant to

someday
i hope
you see
me

someday
i hope
you see
yourself

synchronicities
are the starlights
to show the way
i once knew why
i came here
don't know
if i'll stay

the moon
is pouring
down
fills me up

eyes are open
looking for
answers
in the
empty

not sure
what to
extract
what to
reflect
back

i'm only seeing
pieces
of
the waves
dancing
to a time
far beyond
the
capacities
of
my design

the moonlight
is
beautiful
but it's ****
to write by

can't read
a word

there
now

it isn't
so
abstract

completely repleted
undulations
stake their claim
to hold this form
with puppet strings
that run beneath

a fevered storm
only just encompassed
struggles to escape
the will to deconstruct
and replace the missing parts

thunder shakes
the earth
both lullaby and curse
something sleeps
and something stirs

the metaphor
within my eyes
slithers like a worm
disquieting surprise
mildly disturbed

infantile arms
grasping towards
the sun
endeavor to dissever
all the light
and see what it becomes

emaciated fingers
reach into my eye
drag the key out from behind
and touch it to the sky

strings like water
from the heavens pour
now to weave the web
and forge the other door

from the mist
ascends the opening
where hands of chaos
play with broken things

the skin i'm in
then ruptures
and the captive
staggers forth
to disestablish
all i am

let the fragments
be woven in the fabric
to stretch forever more

removed
restraints
detained
complaints
numb
sustains

cataclysmic­ chain
anchored in my brain
convulsing
in my spine

destiny designed
to terminate
sensation

existence
is a crime
when your lost
traversing universes
in search of solid
ground

dissolution
seems a perfect
summation
of the postulates
that compose
the posture
of this empty shell

like a mismatched
skeleton

floating away
on the wings
of the wind
extraneous
and wrapped
in a sun-ray

the shadows
seem still
in a moment
now held
but they soon
envelope
the hill

somewhere a soul
denies the foretold
and cries
to a page
in a book

darkness supplying
tastes of solemnity
and glimpses
of unity
all bathed
in obscurity

iridescence
ascended
to a world
beyond view

for dreams
to unfold
and life
to renew

unscrupulous
candescence
disconsecrated
by designable
conspiratory mimes

self-reverent
desultory
and disguised
between
horizons

an infinite
regression
is a step to take
so leap beyond the edge

the fractal dendrites
of earth-bound aspirations
upend themselves
upon the heavens
to symbolize a revelation
of
the rain
a verdant gesture
in the endless grey
the symbol
of an instant
within eternity
reaching out
into the bleak

i was drinking moonlight
while you were bullshitting
and perpetuating nothing
naming me strange
half-lighted and deranged
talking to voices
i shouldn't name
because the behave
like they transcend
the mundane

i care
truly
but i don't think
the way you do
and you think me
insane, fumbling for
embers in a cold place
chasing echoes
wishing i was someplace
different

wishing someone else
could drink the moonlight

leave me alone
to be
lonely enough
to gaze
through the keyhole
and touch the other side

momentarily blinded
as i again resign

a shadow stirring
restless in the night

and ever stretching
as i approach the light

will you come?
and grieve with me in the moonlight
mourn life that is fleeting in the bright night
for i am a shadow of the world
a decaying source of life
bound by lack of dimension

will you go?
and leave me here before the sunrise
where i can await a painless demise
for i am only an empty space to be repleted
a husk of something that truly is
what i can never be

and will you return?
over again each time i am revived
blessing me with you truthful eyes
for so long have i been a prisoner
to the wicked and contriving minds
of those who breathe hunger
and exhale lies

so, you see
as a victim of gilded oppression
and sickened orderly obsessions
the true question i reveal in confession

will you flee and take me with you?

and when the world is swallowed
in the shadow of my wings
may i find calm and solace
in the oneness it brings
purely desecrated
in my blissful way of thinking
mind has crumbled
and essence extrapolated

all i am
all that is
all this mind
will ever give
just this once
i cant give in
beckoned onward
to the end

and when the dawn is emptied
into cold and bleeding hands
may light be darkened
in the weight of my command
like ever grasping arms
of darkness that began
first and final song
has sunken in the sand

if only you could
hear me

all i am
all that is
all this life
can ever give
all this life
i have to live
just may skip
right to the end

a timeless serpent
carves its name into the land
without purpose
without conscience
a timeless serpent
of unending perception
proceeds in undiscerned direction
churning with the bitter momentum of wisdom

a single path
dares to defy
uncalculated choice
and infinite balance
a single path
weathers vaporous contempt
and its precipitates
descending to concatenate
stark, shocking knowledge
and ignorant, senseless entities

my mind grasps for words
floating on the wind

thoughts come and go
like great indifferent clouds
ignorant to
the insignificant miasma
roiling in the petri dish
below

temptation and trepidation
volition and admonition
regretful countenances
conduct the vessel
while gently noted
by something beneath

there i was
standing on the edge
of the earth
rolling away from  the sun

frozen in the doorway
of a dream
with twilight
pouring over me

flood waters churning
dust and mud
tumbling through
the dessicated planes

carrying life away
as quickly as it came

feathered shadows
ripple like the water
in the wind
on which they're cast

miniscule
molten metal
droplet beetles
dive beneath
the shimmering water

bathed in
metamorphic waves
of bending light

inobservably tiny legs
quickening
in a graceful fury

sliding through the world
like slow-motion lightning

or a brilliant spark
unnoticeably extricated
from its source

your ossuary stands
on the most prominent
of vivisected stems
the hem of intersected threads
the stead of temporary dreads

it is the contact between
the fruits of all your deeds
and the lives you've lead unseen
a riddle in the dreams you've left
beneath
below what ego buries deep

its verisimilitude in a lie
an exemplary visage
of the ties that bind
this place that we call
Setenance

today
i let the dawn
arrive
for once
without trepidation
i allow the cool
mercurial rays
to banish all
the woes of night
and fill the sails
of trailing dreams
i have left fluttering
in my wake

in this
new light
i am disquieted
by a morning chill
but resist the comfort
of my own arms
i refuse to confide
in the hunched shoulders
and retracted limbs
of uncountable years
of instinctual defenses

today
i finally see
the beauty
in a rising star
and allow myself
to be seen
by the dawn

we need it
because
it is

gawking at infinity
correlating entropy

I dissolves discerning
obscurity-beauty

caught upon the winds
of fevered
irreducibility

quickening our desires
to ascend

proving
(in no regular sense)
that our fragments
are nothing
but a prelude
to a whole-plane
perspective

and all our ends
are woven

trust in me,
i know
you're not insane

just because
the stains
won't wash away
doesn't mean
you cannot
stave away
the depraved
and self-proclaiming
sane

you are not
the only one
who sees
between the seams,
the oblivious
unclean,
who seem to be
so empty

what it is
i cannot say
that lives inside us,
displaced and
brushed away
star dust awakened
luminescent, shaded
and friend
to the sorrowful
berated

i wish i could say
i paved the way
to a place of safety
and confidence,
but the consequence
of our dis-ease
is our awareness
of that unseen
resplendence
of life within
a crucible

sinking through my shadow
down the oubliette
of my retraction
drunk upon
nepenthe: contempt
of insurmountable distraction

i can siphon
all this blood
into a staining chalice
down again
another round
and hope to
drown again
within the sounds
of screaming
stifled under skin

claws maw
ravenously
the inner walls
of a carapace
too far gone
in its accretion
to spare
the raving calls
the solitary
somber narcissist
of slow and painful
suffocation

eloquence
an incomplete attempt
to justify,
to anthropromorphize

and endeavor
i shall, forever
to cauterize this soul
but its far too cold
to build a fire

the voice inside
is stuttering

blindly cast asunder
to the calmness
of the cold

and so is
selfishly relinquished
beyond the consequences
of awareness
to stagger endless
in the cold

brittle fingers
tremble, numb
feverishly knotting
things undone
scrying answers
from their shadows
in the sun

"shine on me!"
i beckon

then blindness
acquiesces desolation
as pride withers
and cracks
and the pieces fall
from my chest

not even lies reside
in what is left

yet still the whispers
coalesce
upon the substance
of the vacuous
'trust must be the arbiter of truth
and 'I' the paradigm of foolish'

and so we sever
this cell of arrogance
defy self-reverence
and reunite
now duplicitous

it seems that everywhere i turn
another mirror gleams
brilliantly hopeless facsimiles
who smile vaguely
while shifting through
perpetuations
to stammer in clamorous gaits
at the doorstep of my dreams

and at the top of my tower
i barely here them call
sifting through stars and motes of dust
i see my petty wall
isn't ******* high enough

the thought to me
is crippling
how could we not avert
the *******
with all the glances
we have stolen from our pasts
how could we sever worth
in search of "progress"
as if life were a contest
instead of an event
is it not obscene
how we grow like cancer
and deceive ourselves
in thinking we have
all our answers

it seems that everywhere i turn
another terror grins
inconspicuous in the hearts of men
who obliviously commend themselves
for subordination
to hammer with calamitous endeavor
on the pillars of my paradise
condemning forever
the kingdom of my dreams

this shambling carapace
is insubstantially bleak
that isn't saying
color is abstracted grey
but rather it's all the same
it's just one thing,
or nothingness
always changing
and you may choose
to pray
but chances are
god doesn't speak your language
or rather
you aren't speaking hers
but if your soul is stalwart
and your heart
hungers for truth
and you are brave enough
to stagger in between
the hedgerows of obscurity
then perhaps
you can withstand
the enterprise of discomfort
the venerating thought
that no one knows
divinity

i am
outcast
beyond the boundaries
of peripheral inception
idly sated by
inquisitive deceptions
which, while whispering
envelope definition
to the point of being formless

almost a
liquid interrogative
which
penetrates the seams
so stitches stretch
like singing strings
in overtures of
softly deranged
tranquilities

vaporous waves
weave within
the sheets
ethereal
stirring shades
of temperate
counter-balance

immovable
displacable
cadences of
color-bound
interpreted
reverberations

obfuscate
the moon
consequentially
like ripples
in a mirror-lake

thirsty
white
tight-clenched
repressed
potential
expressive ends
unveiled
again
beneath
a dancing
pen
a sense
of desperation
tensing, twitching
fingers
tending trends
in endless
letters
sending
incoherence
no adherence
to this
solid state
repository
dressing
endlessly
in letters
stationary
pending
participance
in revelation

this life
is but a passing rest
in a symphony of winds
the solace between lightning
and thunder
a place where
the sacred pains of isolation
are enlightening
where we resign
in an umbrage of evanescent agony
to be imbued with contrast
and rise through the murk
a mobius ribbon
blooming into color and radiance

silently
breaking away
from all these
insignificant
incapacitated
drones

selfishly
plodding away
i drift
ascendent
dreaming of death
and endless rapture
shedding this flesh
that binds us
to the stone

the wind
outside
dances madly
through the forest

and the leaves
are quivering
lonely
'neath empty canopies

scattered violently
in the midst
of some
frenzied constellation

please
embrace me
step across the emptiness
awaken me
before i slip
too deep
beneath the surface

i am
where i was
but someplace
different
if i return
my mind
is whispering
cool, numbing
poison

allow me to apologize
on behalf of the love
i bear for you

the love I’ve left
behind the moon
behind the earth
within a shadow
in an umbra
and hidden from the sun

i want these whispers
to escape
from the person
i have buried
in a folded blanket
in the dust
in a fissure
of a scar
within my heart

i’ve been defeated
by my own fears
and self-resentment festers
in my consequential wounds

a gangrenous pathogen
threatening to mortify
what,
i don’t know
for i’ve kept my eyes closed
and my soul at a distance

but every morning
as i try to go to sleep
in spite of the sun
rising above

i think of me
as if i was not myself
and I think of you
and the things i should’ve done

i think of how
you looked right through
my painted face
and when i met your eyes
how my blind-fold fell away
less than a memory

i think of these moments
and remember
that i once knew the meaning
of peace