you build me up
meticulously,
stone by stone
you convince me I'm your support,
and I believe you
resolutely,
each layer you take away from me
I believe you love me

so why am I now scattered stones lying across the hardwood floor
watching you build someone else up
lovingly,
brick by brick
telling them, they're the foundation you'll always need
as if you knew from the start, I was never going to be enough

trace your hands across my skin
pull me closer
look into my eyes
find me

I'm
b
e
g
g
i
n
g

please, let me feel, once again
please, let me be me, once again

2:04am
fast car on repeat, I close my eyes

I see little me dancing around the table,
little me looking out the rainy window- waiting for you to come home

isn't it amazing that 19 years later
fast car still reminds me of that day

lovely words, once
gentle kisses upon my cheek,

now don't feel the same,
since hearing them from him

those words you speak to me,
scratch,
they dare to break my skin

your words,
I wish,
loved me like their intent

I've always been the kind of person who throws
the crochet needle
when I can't get the string through the loop

my grandma used to try to teach me
but when I couldn't do it
the tears started,
then the anger,
then it felt like the end of the world
because yet again, another thing I failed

One day, I want to be the kind of person who tries again
and succeeds