I will figure my
"Answers"
Out
But first the
"Questions"
Must be asked,
Which came first
Did you
Question
the
Answer
Or was latter, asked first
Like the
Chicken,
And
The
Egg,
Which came first??
The question
The answer
Life is inpart both,
So will it matter which was
"Asked first"
Just a start and beginning,
A finish and an **end.

You felt like a
Slug,
Upon my naked skin,
Leaving a
Trail,
Wanting to wash you
Off my
Pores,
Flesh,
Skin,
But I cant you seeped within,
"Violated"
The stench of you permeates me,
I ***** uncontrolled,
You are that which I despise
You
Are
Me  
This isn't the way I was meant to
Feel,
Violated,
By the sight and touch of me.

My mind its like
A
Rotating  
Door,
You never know
What will come through
And trip over on to the page...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He had left for work that morning: like any other morning
I was off from work that day: somehow that day felt different
The baby was in daycare,
Something kept nagging at my subconscious
But deep down it was there
Nagging away
I felt like crying, yet I wasn’t sad.
I collected my school books and I put them away in my backpack
Sometimes when we take a warm shower
Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart.
I knew about the other woman: but didn’t want to believe
How many times could a person repeat the same lie over and over
he said that he was out late playing  a games of dominoes with the guys
I guess after that long shower that afternoon
my alters must have taken over: it was getting close to the hour
For me to leave for my evening classes
I did what had to be done. I called him and asked
What time he plan on picking up the baby from daycare
I put away my keys and I put my backpack out of sight
And made my way into the large closet and waited
For the suspect to come home
I became an intruder:  in my own home
I remember the clicking of keys as he opened the door
My heart was pounding fast:  however my mind was sharper than ever
His daily routine, he opened the icebox and took out a snack
before coming into the bedroom and turning on the television
he sat down on his favorite chair,
then he made the phone called
That call was the beginning of everything
Lawyers, Judges, family court
And most of all the ending of my happiness,
Words I that I wish I had never have heard from those
Lying lips
The silence in the closet: my pounding heart
I heard him said to her
“Hello honey how was your day”?
With that sweet tenderness in his voice
My heart drop to floor as I ease drop on the conversation
I remember coming out of that closet like a crazy woman
and knock the ******* out with the night light
There’s so many way to catch a cheater.
  I boldly caught one.
My foible kicks in:
because no sin like this is never ever forgiven

I'll go home if I can.
What I would do to make
these stars seem real again...

I would run for miles and miles and miles.

The leaves outside my window
don't change.
It's like this town is frozen in time.

I want to feel auburn, burning my veins alive.

I want to feel
A dark cold December,
I want to remember the way it felt
to be tucked in my sheets
on a cold winters night.
I want to feel it again.

oh, I want to feel it again.

Wondering what it's like
to have a compass that leads you
back to your lost heart.

I want that arrow pointing me homeward on.

The tides out my window
don't change.
But the ones in my dreams
are drowning me alive.

I want to be the one to rise above it all.

I want to feel
A night full of ember,
I want to remover the way
it felt
to dance in the wind on a
chilled summers night.
I want to feel it again.

The way Id look up at the sky
with possibilities,
Instead of obligations.
I want to feel it again.

*I want to feel it again.

I can't be alone.
The stillness and the silence
chill me to the bone.