Days Like These
Where im Alone, Thinking Deep
& Heavily.
I Feel Like i Have Nobody.
No One Seems To Understand Me.
Nobody ****** Gets Me.
I Dont Care About Happiness Anymore.
Im Done Trying To Find Reasons To Smile And Feel Happy For
My Whole Life is A Fail
My Relationship Isnt No Where Near How Books And Movies Tell.
I Have Nothing Going Good for Me.
I Don't Want Help From Anyone Anymore.
Im Not Going To Speak Up About My Thoughts Or if im Doing Well.
If People Walk Out Of My Life
Then Owell
Im Starting To Careless & Less
I Don't Look Forward Towards Anything.
I Don't Know What Els To Write literally **** Everything.

I Love You.
Why Don't You Believe Me?
I Care Alot About You.
Why Do You Say i Don't?
My Life Revovles Around Your Existence.
You Tell Me You
Don't Feel Loved
You Tell Me You Feel Unwanted
You Tell Me i Don't Spend Enough Time With You.
Why iS This Baby?
I Dedicate All My Time To You!
Even in My Mind
I Think About You All Day All Night
I Drive My Self Crazy
Im Crazy About You.
Ugh i love You So ****** much.

" Your Life Will Be So Much and Get Better, You Will Feel Good, You Will Enjoy Things if You Drop Your Drugs."
Im Sober, i Hate it.
I Don't See Nothing Good About it.
I Don't Feel Good, i See Nothing better.
Everything just Got worse.
Im Miserable, Sad, Depressed.
Sometimes i Regret Quitting.
When i Would Get High
My Only Struggle Was To Not comedown.
Now That im Sober i Deal With So Much ****.
I Argue More Then When i Would use.
I Have So many responsibilities
I Stress So Much, get frustrated
Im Not Happy At All
I Don't Have Fun
Etc
To Me
Being High is My Sober
I Don't Care About Anything
I Don't Deal With Anything
I Feel Nothing
Im In My own world that is wonderful.
Better than my life now.
Id Rather Be Addicted
Than Clean.
To Be Honest, i Hate the real world

I Introduced Myself To ****
Searched On The Internet
Most Dangerous Drug
I Was Curious
None Around Me Had Ever Mentioned or Talked About it
At 14
I Read Its Affects & Effects
The Consequences
Of **** Use Didn't Scare me
The Sensation of How it Makes You Feel is What bought me.
There i Go
That Same Day, That Night.
Hit Up My Dealer
Asked if He Had Any Connections
Turned out, He Sold That Too
iWanted To Try This
A One Time Thing, Just to see
Got it That Night
Crushed it Till i Thought Could Turn To Powder, Never Did.
Rolled Up A Dollar
Snorted A 3/4 Inch Line
Of Shiny Crystals
Then instantly my Nose Was on fire
Felt Like it Cut Up Inside my nose
Dissolving my sinuses
The pain lasted Around 40 Seconds
My Eyes Got Teary and Redish
Then A Few Minutes Later
A Nasty Taste Dripped in the Back Of My Throat
So Bitter and horrible
But
The Feel iT Gave Me Was
incredibly Wonderful
Did not expect this much Amazing sensation.
I loved it, Ice Seduced Me
The Drug Had Me Up loving Life For 24 Hrs
Once The high was gone
I Noticed i felt much better on it
So i Wanted it again
The Feeling Was As if You Won The Lottery, Had Every Materialistic
Thing you Ever wanted
As if All Your Dreams all Came True
Accomplishing
More Than 100 Thing's
Felt So Good about myself
Motivated, Highself Esteemed
I Liked How iT Functioned
iUsed
Then iT Quickly Turned
To Abuse
I Wanted To Feel That Loving Euphoria Affect Everyday
I loved it.
Id Started Buying more of it
Without Keeping Count of How Much id Spend.
Id Buy Bigger Quantities
The Amount iBegan With No Longer Hit Me, iNeeded More
I Had Then Built A Tolerance iHad No Recognition of.
I Noticed
My Allowence Money Was No Longer Enough To Get Me High
I Lost Control, **** Took A hold.
iBelieved iWas Doing it Out of me.
When in Reality
The Substance is whats Telling Me What To Do & how to Move
Developed The Addictive Mentality
Asking My Body For More
& More.
Scheming Of Ways To Provide Myself to get high.
It Was Destroying My Life
I Was To High To Even Realize The Negative Affects it was creating.
It Pushed People Away
I Was All About My Dope
Didnt Care if i lost Friends
Just Wanted To Smoke.
It Complicated & Made My Life miserable.
Crystal Had Me So Distracted i Had No iDea Or Intrest About What Was Going On Around me.
Family Arguments Appeared
iWould Get Rowdy Or Act ****** When id Be Coming Down
And Just Talk nonsense
Even if Nobody Was Doing Anything to me
Id Just Keep Disrespecting.
I Slowly Started To Disappear
And Was Becoming A Whole New Person.
With A Different View, Perspective
Unknown motives
Unpredictable Actions
I Lost My Self Completely
Mentally & Emotionally
I Smoked My Self Gone
People Then Started Becoming Concerned, Saying i had a problem.
I Then No Longer New
Who i Really Was.
Not Like it Mattered To Me Anyways
All i Cared About Was My Dope
And Getting High.
I Was Living in My Own Unrealistic World.
What Began To Look Real To Me.
Lack Of sleep
Made Me Start Tripping, Hearing Voices And Seeing ****.
I Would Go Weeks Without Sleep And food .
I Experienced So Many Bad Trips
Methamphetamine Had Me In A Bumpy Road, Lead Me To places i didnt know existed
And introduced me to tweakers who became my homie
iWasnt Concerned About My Looks Rather More into finding more
Dope Hooks
My Image Was Fading
I Became Very Thin, My Cheecks ****** in
Skin Tone Was Pale
Easily bruised
Collar bone out, My pupils Would Stand Out Especially With The Dark Bags under My Eyes.
i thought i looked good.
The Drug blocked the view of how i slowly began to look.
I Didnt Mind, Didn't Care .
I No longer Stoped to think About
My Actions or consequences
i Started to rebel more
I Didnt Fear Or Was Scared of nothing.
Eventually i Got To The point were i Would use and just feel nothing.
I Had No More Emotions
I Couldn't Smile or cry
I Felt No Remorse No Guilt
No Present Conscious
All Of This Behavior Led Me To Stealing And Doing Things that Went against My Own Will.
The Drugs
Messed With My Head
Gave Me insane Thoughts
Made Me Think Evil
Into A Complete Monster.
Its Really Krazie How these Tiny Shards Can Convernt
You into Something So Lifeless And Horrible.
I Went From Being A Curious Regular girl
To Just Wanting to Sit in My Room Isolated Everyday and just get high Hitting the Glass Pipe.
I dedicated all my time to this
I was sprung and in love
I depended on it for everything
I Went A Long Road
Went Through So Much
4 years of this
Story goes on..

I cannot decide if I'm open or just openly guarded
Confused, nothing to lose, positively disheartened?
I didn't ask for wisdom, but I didn't wanna breathe for a game
Down to the choices of painfully oblivious or rightfully insane

I cannot decide whether to hold back or to give it up to the rain.
What a simple thing to wonder, but is the giving worth the gain?
Empty vessels ponder without care, it might be nice for a moment
But one slip is all it takes to tumble, I'm not sure why I know this

I cannot decide if I'm supposed to be part of something  greater.
Or a placemark, a rock in the stream, the hostage for a traitor?
Am I the slave or the warrior, am I the disease or the cure?
Am I the fight or the patriot--if so, what am I fighting for?

God... what am I fighting for?

I refuse to dance around the words
"I love you."
The power that you awaken in my soul
gives those words upon my tongue
a meaning,
a sign,
a call to arms because
two months is long enough
to live out years of memories.

I look into your eyes and I see
the world glittering before me.
Those grinning cheeks that stole my heart away
like a thief remind me of what we have,
and it's special.
No special concoction or solution
could possibly dilute such a strong connection.
Not even Einstein could crack the code
to the lock that binds us together.

In this time of
"hands off"
and
"it's mine"
we finally have something that we can call
"ours"
and it's **beautiful.