I went up to your room
For the first time in eight years
I feel like you are still there
It still smells like you

I see you in the stars

I hear you in the rain

I feel you in a warm summer breeze

I hear your laugh in the falling pine needles

And I’m every wind chime

I see your smile in every shiny trinket

I taste your memory in apples

And in hot chocolate

And in pancakes that are slightly crispy around the edges

You’re in every Christmas song

You’re in every tear I cry

You’re in every bird call

And in every shimmering lake

The magic of the world doesn’t have to disappear after you’ve grown up
Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you can’t have fun
Life has a way of being unexpected and lovely
The sensation of a warm summer breeze and the blazing summer sun
Late nights and adventures that words cannot do justice
Parks at night, the taste of blue ICEEs, the smell of a roller rink
Moments of silence that feel so full
I can be myself around you without having to think

There’s always something so thrilling about a kiss
For that moment all time stops, and galaxies collapse in the space between your lips
Soft skin shivering under your fingertips
And it is beautiful
Years of admiring them from behind closed doors
Years of watching their lips as they speak, wondering what they would feel like against yours
And you finally know
And it’s more than you ever imagined it would be
And it is beautiful

When I think about thinking
That’s when things are a mess
It makes me feel less than human
Staring into space into nothing
Heart beating like I’m running
And I am
I’m running from myself
From my mind
And there’s nothing I can find
That will fill this void
This hole inside
There’s acid in my throat
I spit up acid on my hopes
And dreams
And nothing’s what it seems
And though I try my best
I don’t know what anything means
The last decent thought I try to keep
The dark that begins to creep
I don’t ******* for pleasure
I ******* to fall asleep
My friends and my family
They know I’m a liar
They ask, “Are you ok?”
I say “I’m fine, I’m just tired.”

I miss the innocence of a teenage crush
The blushing and the butterflies
The fleeting glances and tense shoulders
Where you would see them every day at school and ask your friends for advice
Do they think I'm cute? Should I say hi next time I pass them in the hall?
I miss when a kiss sent your stomach twirling and your heart soaring
When holding hands during a movie was newsworthy
I just want to experience the feelings of young love again