I'm just gonna bury myself in a black fog tonight cause your light escaped me and liquor sounds lovely since you obviously don't give a **** about me anyway.

tearing every inch of me apart
piece by piece
until i've lost the different halves of me
the days go by, i lose myself a bit each time
oh, where does it all go?
where does your body go if you never return home?
---
people are young, that much is true
but i know for once that i'm older than you
and when i look into your eyes
i see my fears reflected back to me
the fear of dying young and living too old
because dying when you're young reaffirms your dreams
and dying when its all said and done gives you a legacy

who is my soul? i may never learn
could be built from the shadows
on planets far away from earth
could be constructed from the cracks
chipped off of asteroids,
a visual representation of the void
i'd argue that it doesn't matter where
each part of me comes from this universe
---
i want to glide along a cosmic wavelength
feel myself move through multiple dimensions
if space-time is a continuum then why am i stuck
in a vacuum, forced to live a life of singularity?

You're going to be running for a long time.
Your eyes are on the finish line, your eyes are pointed towards-
What was that? Happiness?
No, that's not what you're chasing.
You want to be better than them, but that's not being happy
Because, and I'm sure you know,
It's all
A
Competition.
You run and you run and you fall and you get back up
To beat them, of course. To show that you can go further
You can push yourself to do whatever they're doing
(Your friends, your enemies, what's the difference anyways?)
But a thousand times better.
Better yet, make that a million.
What you don't understand though, is that the tables have turned
And now it's a race to see-
Who's sadder? Who's suffering more?
Nobody pays attention to what you feel, you think to yourself.
You have to show them. You have to fight.
Show them you're hurt or make something up!
As long as the attention is on you!
Are you happy? No.
Are you successfully taking advantage of others' pity?
You're **** right.
But it's all a race, a fight, a competition, a
Pile of crap, that's what it is.
You won't get anywhere pushing yourself to be more ******* up
You think you're outside of the box and unique because you have feelings.
You're just like everyone else, you don't even try to be happy.
Have fun fitting in with those who bury themselves alive.
It's not a game.

I remember when we fell in love.
We were inseparable, you and I.
I don't know what happened and I'm brought to tears as I write this.
I'm not the man you thought I was,
The man I thought I was.
I couldn't manage not to **** this up.
Everything I do seems to upset you and we just want different things.
Every night what's left of me is torn to pieces
As I lie in that empty bed we share.
The man you married has hollowed, and what's left isn't enough.
Enough to call a man, that is.
You shouldn't have known, stop beating yourself up kid.
No one could've predicted my world collapsing the way it did.
I'm just sorry it's taking yours down too.

Can't stop feeling this way.
Every second, every day.
There's not much else to say.
If only there was a god
who'd take my pain away.
I haven't the courage to do it myself
Tonight.

I'm no good
not for her, not for her
not for anyone
I've ruined my life
Our life
Sometimes I feel remorse
Right now I feel remorse
Right now I feel like ****
But what is "good" anyway?
What gives us the right to label anything so?
Well whether we have innate morality or not
I'm no good

I'm doing better these days

How could I be after all I've done?
And with everything I've put you all through
Things are looking up for me now
Everything's looking up

Most nights I don't sleep
You probably get that
Somehow we still act like its the same
Exactly the same
Life has yet to show me mercy
Feeling better though, promise

****.
This isn't how it all went down in my head
I thought everything would be better
If we just got away from it all
But I guess we never noticed
Our life back home was never the problem
I was

I can't help but scream sometimes
I can't help but curl up in a ball paralyzed
By thousands of thoughts whirling around my head
Stuck there for an eternity staring blankly at the wall
You come home from the graveyard and I pretend I was sleeping
You're working and I'm ****, leeching off you
I am helpless
I am hopeless
I'm not though, if I could just focus for a minute
I could turn our life around
But our life together's not the problem
It's me

Sometimes I'm filled with an overwhelming sadness
It's like a Madness
but not the kind with rage

It's almost like i have a deficit of joy
A black hole
Or a reoccurring void

It's like that feeling when you're far away from home
But I'm home
Yet here with you's alone

When it comes it is impossible to hide
There's no pride
No ego to confide

It's then i seek for some kind of affirmation
Acting out this sickening deprivation
My desperation

I'm not alone
..My misery calls me home..

If you could remove yourself from the universe. You'd likely see one mass, one body, what I like to consider god. I think about this often. You can do the same with you or I. Looking at one another, we see single bodies. A lil closer and you see atoms and many other individual processes that are interconnected making up what we are. Aren't we likened to these atoms, but it's we that make up the universe? Connected within the same body? Like hair on the arms of creation, individually feeling the breeze of life passing thru us! Each of us on a separate path of probability,  possibly reunited in the end to share these many individual experiences as one? Like the omnipotence and omnipresence of what some consider to be God?  This is my wish of heaven, of an afterlife; to continually play in the perpetuation. It can be a humbling thought, to think that we are indeed one, but seperated momentarily. Our entire lifetime is just a synapse in the mind of eternity.