I cut my heart into stanzas and tainted fragments with your name
Written on skin with shaking hands disconnected and insane
But I found it weak and fleeting; washed your ashes down the drain
Developed bruises where I’d scrawled so hard it hurt — but I liked it.

Disillusioned and dysfunctional she murmured, “Have you loved before?”
I was thinking, yes, but gasped out, “no,” so she wouldn’t worry more
What she might have felt settled in me; I shook, unhinged indefinitely
Had you held my heart?  Or did you break it from a distance?

I’ve given up on order.  It’s just subdued the chaos.
I’ve given up on life, but I’ve stayed here all the same.
He asked me if I wished to die — so I said, “Yes, but that’s not why.”
I’d done it so he’d notice; I’d done it so he’d care.

Quite obscure and rough, I think, but I’ll teach you to love it
Sometimes less is more, y’know — sometimes I’m tired of it
Simple words can break you down like simple blades you’ve lost and found
That missed the mark and fell apart to leave a scar above it.

We have this habit of making homes
out of people who tend
to burn any moment.

And we keep collecting the ashes,
putting them in jars,
hoping to save what little remains.

We made ourselves believe that other people
are remedies; prescribing—injecting ourselves with drugs
that walk and talk and breathe

And I have long since realized that we have seas inside us,
and there are a thousand shipwrecks aching for freedom,
but we hold on to every damaged piece.

Take these words and hold them dear
as proof that once I lingered here
within these hallowed written walls
that speak the fate of one and all.

Do not mourn me when I'm gone
heal your heart and carry on.
In sorrow ne'er my heart did dwell
for I was blessed to know you well.

Place no flowers, lay no stone
for barren earth is not my home
no marker there to bare my name
no mourners heads bowed deep in shame.

Shed a solitary tear,
then walk in light and never fear
as darkness creeps across the land
I will be there to hold your hand.