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1.1k · Dec 2017
Belief / our cathedral
Shell of a Man Dec 2017
She believes in God.
I believe in the ocean
Under the son soaked in faith
An open vase with two matches, a home for two soul mates
She says she wants a love like that
But I can't tell the smoke from the ashes

She feels like forever and that scares me
Daring me to let her but, to be fair, I never thought I'd care so much
Torn and severed, I lay everything bare. The air is broken with unspoken words
Whenever I open my mouth to say something clever, my heart gets the better of me
For better or worse, will I ever see this vendetta set at ease? 
Perpetually vexed at this lack of confederacy. My tongue tells evidence of a mutiny
Truthfully I usually don't curse in these verses but they used to be so worthless
Without a purpose, only penned to purchase penance
How earnest my pen is when it mentions your existence
Will you witness this witless prince in his attempt to win this with his passion? 
Like a centuries old symphony soaked in similes, they'll sing of your love whenever they mention me
Though this moment will, one day, be a distant memory within the halls of history
I will not let expiration dates hinder me. Every soliloquy hereafter will be like hymn mimicries
An endless blend of love, life, and everything in between
Between you and me, I'm still wishing we sing those songs together 
What a perfect ending we'd be.

She believes in love
Maybe I'll believe in time
Drowning.
Shell of a Man Feb 2017
Depicted as an addict for your afflictions, emotionally evicted, my ****** expressions are cryptic
I am absent.
I am a shoe without a sole or a tongue, hung over lines for everyone to see
I am absent.
"Perhaps CAPS is the best place for you." As time elapsed I couldn’t grasp the concept
Replaced the laces with stems from flower vases, It’s less about the material and more about the release
I am absent.
Adept at adapting to your feelings even when I can’t feel a thing, I’m already a ghost
So why is my lack of spirit haunting me? The somber face in the mirror sends shivers down my spine
I am absent.
In my head I find serenity in screaming obscenities, but to your face I timidly say, "It’s fine."
I find serendipity in finite extremities, they seem to be the only thing I can understand
Just give me an ending in transcendent tendons, I am fingertip dependent with a penchant for physical tension because...
I am ---
531 · Mar 2016
those eyes
Shell of a Man Mar 2016
Can we minimize the lies?
Synergize these goodbyes
Empathize with these empty eyes
Empty every mention, did I mention i
Never left the house without these misty eyes
...do you miss these eyes?
Eclipsed by wisps floating wistfully by
Cringing tension amidst these whys
Why do I kiss your thighs just to restrict this time
Constrict this mind between each line
Each inch is uplifted, twisted as we convict each rhyme
For the conflict that rips these ties that used to bind our eyes
I don't choose to miss those eyes, I just forget to mention the tension as we kiss goodbye
437 · Jan 2015
We Were Never Here
Shell of a Man Jan 2015
They say we left our marks in the bark of that tree. But according to fate, we were never there
We were never in that park that sparked our flame. We didn’t start the fire and we sure as hell weren’t matches
We were just birds of a Phoenix feather wanting to write a book worth burning
Wanting to be reborn from the ashes like a new leaf turning in a second wind, we were supposed to bend before breaking
Ask before taking, shiver before shaking hands with crossroads demons. We never felt a thing
I’m gonna need a bigger a ship if I want to rip your name from my jaws and loosen this grip on my trachea
But you don’t give in. Especially when you smell blood in the rudders, fanning out the tension with a propeller pen compelled to
right a wrong
Like we were never here, weary from the weight of the lies. To the Victor go the vices and I’m tied down by the anchor in my mind
Afraid to set sail, this pale coast is so close to home I can still hear your voice
The water is inviting and I can’t decline. It’s time I ride out the storm and find a new place to lay my head
432 · Mar 2014
Season Of Love (Short)
Shell of a Man Mar 2014
She smelled like a poem, like loose leaves in the fall
426 · Oct 2015
Your Love
Shell of a Man Oct 2015
How deep is your love? I want to drown where others only wish to soak in
You cannot fathom the depth of my devotion. Left within the ocean of a love that had no motion
Still waters still bother, my will falters at ill altars. At will I will myself to swim farther
How deep is your love?
A lot of randomness flowing through my brain today. But, for the first time in months, I've written something.
423 · Nov 2017
Bubblegum and Lemonheads
Shell of a Man Nov 2017
Hands like a magic trick
Favorite band sounding like an activist
But every song takes him back to this
In vain, pulling rabbits out of wrists
Maybe this is something he can fix

She smiles like the sun, he's reminded of a son
Just a boy baking like a raisin praying for the one
If he could find in a friend what he confides in the end
He won't have to lie in the sin or hide from who he's been

He burns like broken embers in a kiln
Forging words from Iron and steel, she's made of iron and will
They fly higher and still desire fire to feel

She is stronger than her namesake, her and Hercules in the same place
Pacing in parentheses, he's not as patient as he used to be
"Why is she choosing me?" her eyes are where her truth could be
Window shopping in the same way, but his would never vacate

Hands liken to a tragic tick
Abstract fashion fit for a *******
Imagine this. They'll make it there and back again
Only to find she's magic and he's rabbit-less
410 · Jun 2019
New Old Me
Shell of a Man Jun 2019
I cut my hair today
But didn't feel any different
  I looked into the mirror
   and cried.
410 · Mar 2018
Artistic Intent
Shell of a Man Mar 2018
Love.
A dangerous, cantankerous thing. No anchor is made for this
Pen and paper blamed for it, if I had a name for it
If I had a name for it, then I would be a slave for it

She said that I scoff too often
That I'm often too lost in the moment
The moment we first met, she smelled like a poem. Like loose leaves in the fall.
She had me falling like a paper plane with clipped wings
Winging it onstage because I reached the spotlight and forgot all my lines
She said it was fine. She never liked my acting anyway
She said if she wanted to date a phony, she would have gone for Oscar or Tony
If she wanted a Golden Globe she wouldn't have settled for a Lemonhead
She said I'm too sweet. That my lips look like strawberry fields and my kisses taste like forever. Yeah, she's a Beatles fan.
I was more of a fan of needles. On a syringe binge, she was my heroine in a red dress
I wanted her address to correspond with where my head rested
I wanted to take the rings from my eyes and wrap them around her finger so she would know she was the reason I couldn’t sleep at night
She said I was her knight in shining armor. Like a page from a fairy tale

Love.
If I had a name for it, maybe I could’ve changed for it
Played the game a different way and kept
her away from it

Her laughter was supposed to be my happily ever after. But it was stifled by heaven's rifleman
Like lightning striking twice and thunder had the audacity to applaud
She said I'm going home. I'm going back to God.
She said that this was the plan all along and if I'm ever longing for her face then I need to face the facts, retrace our steps and reenact for a friend. This isn't the end.
This is just a long-lost friend coming back to visit, isn’t it?
Cold hands gripping getting wet. Blurred vision, can I see her yet?
Timid lemonhead pressed against her wilting smile
She asked what were the first lines I remember writing about her…

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Every road has led me to you

She said that I scoff too often
That I'm often too lost in the moment to know when she's gone
The moment she left. She smelled like a poem. Like loose leaves in the fall
I'm falling from cloud nine, the wind constantly reminding me that she was never mine
And if she was His the whole time, she should have told me. Because now…
Now I have no one to hold me when I drop
No one to scold me when I scoff
No one to write a poem about when I'm lost

If I had a name for it, my mother would tell me
to pray for it. Ain’t that a shame that I am to blame for it?
What’s in a name but a home and a place to grow?
Every passing season gives me a reason too...
Spring showers, summer sun, and winter cold
Hold my name in contempt and place the blame


...she smelled like a poem. Like lost leaves when she fell for me.
Love.
A revised version of an old poem. One of my favorites.
370 · Oct 2015
Text Revelations
Shell of a Man Oct 2015
There is a timeless fashion and

I don't know what to do with the wind outside of everything you've ever believed in
But I implore you to reach out to be a thorn in my side

A sharp reminder that I'm still alive and well
That awkward moment when your auto correct writes better poetry than you
360 · Sep 2021
Fix Me
Shell of a Man Sep 2021
They always think they can.

Distortions sold in a fortune cookie
I am a fortunate man.
348 · Aug 2015
memories
Shell of a Man Aug 2015
i woke up this morning and forgot i didn't love  you
333 · Jan 2018
Probably
Shell of a Man Jan 2018
Feathers and wax across my back like a cheap crucifixion
I'm used to drifting too close to a euphemism
My youth is missing. Is That you I'm missing?
Call a truce so I can get used to living
You have this fool's permission to choose to listen
The cruelest mission, begging you to forget what you have witnessed
Undue retention, how to undo the tension
Between two tendons I never thought to mention
How I'm lost in a pit with crimson pitch and
A godless pen. How odd is this fiction if we've lived it?
Random nighttime writing. Writing out the nonsense until I find what I mean to say.
333 · Mar 2016
Untitled
Shell of a Man Mar 2016
A lightning rod for pain
                    clap
Thunder in the distance firing on all pistons
                    clap
Time slows and I'm thrown to center stage
                    clap
I hear them whisper the lines I can't remember
                    *clap
331 · Apr 2017
i messed up
Shell of a Man Apr 2017
I don't write like I used to
A prophecy of hypocrisy, these un-dotted i's keep watching me.
Teasing me to cross that line (Honestly I want to drop that line)
Hook and sinker, I took and tinkered with every part
But I was never good at art, macaroni hearts peeling off a frigid front
Admittedly too timid to give it up yet so livid I ripped it up
She smelled like a pinch of dust on a crimson cup
Between two cigarettes we didn't mention much
Scripted yet cryptic touch, fingertips miss by an inch from tensing up
I miss this mess amassed but I miss you most.
I miss you most.
I never write anymore.
316 · Jan 2017
Haunting Melody
Shell of a Man Jan 2017
The heavy oak door creaks before slamming behind me
Floorboards echo these cries with each pressing footstep
My eyes set upon a beige leather couch cracked and falling apart
As I collapse onto a cushion, I can hear the seams ripping and pulling
Dust billows up into the air and my nose, then falling to the table
Weathered and beaten, I lean over the table and it threatens to break
Two coffee cup stain rings carved into the wood graining as if they belonged
I trace one with my index and wonder where we had gone wrong
There is a moaning in the next room filling up the house
I recognize the tremendous groans of the stairs and look to their hideous song
Soft and smooth notes playing over them in a cautious placement
I listen to her humming and my core vibrates in congruence

I miss that song.

I lurch forward but my body does not dare to leave her again
Her dimples begin creasing, her eyes meeting that familiar motion
Pale arms outstretched as she sits beside me on the ancient couch
Threads between us tear and unravel as she pivots to look at me
“You came back for me.”
267 · Jan 2017
we are
Shell of a Man Jan 2017
We are surviving.

My nose clogged with dust and scorched flesh

I keep clearing and blowing but I can’t rid myself of the stench

Like pitch sticking to the walls of each breath

I cough and I retch, I try to see what is left

Face paint smearing as I wipe it from my brow

I lift myself up off the ground and open my eyes

Bloodied and broken, there is a word spoken

Through the haze, my mother’s gaze is caught

A fire in her eyes, and now, a courage in my heart


We are dying.

The fires remain fresh as the matches catch onto the ashes

Licking and leaping, creeping towards my mattress

Acting as if in desperation the flames keep coming back

Frozen in time, frozen in fear, I hear her voice nearby

Ignoring the crackling, I clear my my mind and try to find her

Underneath every chosen step, the wood gives way


We are fighting.

The candle lingering dimly beneath the window

The light ******* of the piano, hand over trembling hand

Faint whispers of a widow as she sings with what life she has

My nails tapping along the sill but not quite in rhythm

There is a light swiftly spreading over the hills off in the night

I turn and look to my mother as she plays the final note

She struggles to smile as her lips begin to drift away with the smoke


We are alive.
Back on the horse.
246 · Dec 2017
old lines
Shell of a Man Dec 2017
seize the deed to my heart
A hollow house that you could turn into a home
maybe give it a few stories
sometimes you write and find that the story is best told in a few lines.
239 · Dec 2019
Sunday
Shell of a Man Dec 2019
Lost in the garden
Leaves loosened from the branches
Nothing sacred but the trees
And the light through your lashes
228 · Apr 2018
better off
Shell of a Man Apr 2018
No one will ever love you like me
And that's for the best
205 · Oct 2021
WRITING AGAIN
Shell of a Man Oct 2021
The lighting was dim
Blue and purple flickers of them
And she's got him writing again
Fighting against the lion within
Thought he triumphed but she isn't convinced


Writing again, writing against time and my
Highest of sins, lied while spitting sighs
Under my breath like thunder she crumpled again
Again but against missing, fistful of quarters
I've been wishing i can fix this with kissing
Bed making and hand holding and stove cooking
She loved again and I was against infinites
Two years late to a wedding picture by a kitchenette
Two years too late, too sorry, too much to forgive
I'm writing again. Fighting against who I have been
So you can look me in the eye and say you love me again
197 · Dec 2017
Untitled
Shell of a Man Dec 2017
How vile, how evil to live beneath your veil
Words are funny.
181 · Oct 2021
LOSS / OUR CATHEDRAL II
Shell of a Man Oct 2021
She believed in us
I believed in time
Ours like diamonds and mines
Her's now lost for me to find

The look she once gave me, a distant memory
Missing histories she pieced together to better remember me
Or better to bury, scary to think forever might never be
Open mouth stare as I bare it all for her to see
Star crossed, arms crossed, heart tossing and turning at sea

Has she heard this before?
Maybe the statement but not the cadence
Every word faced with shame in its placement
I'm back again, a villain tragic, a magician rabbitless
No tricks, no sleeves, only a quarter fits between these teeth
No lie spit, no sigh sent down only my love at your feet
No rhyme or reason for treason, please know I mean it
I meant but this time I mean it with more conviction
I'll pay for my sins with each sentence, wishing for an ending
"What perfect ending we'd be" How imperfect that church is
Let me rebuild it again, my consistence the foundation
A new cathedral for us to sing in.

I believe in us
Maybe she'll give it time
a sequel
150 · Sep 2021
Idk
Shell of a Man Sep 2021
Idk
Heavy is the head that could fill up a tome
Memories turn bitter, tormented to hold
Crown ornamented with glitter and gold
Riddled with scolding cinders and coal
Meant for winter to temper the cold
Tinder, I'm told, burns like whispers of home
A whisper I've known, You've been missing
I know.
Underneath the floorboards, right around the corner

There's a devil in my house, he revels in disorder

A sordid merchant peddling portents as false as they're spun

Muttering curses, convinced I am worthless by his serpent tongue

Wicked words flickering like lantern light, my eyes and ears deceived

There's a devil in my house and he will not let me leave

Windows boarded up by memories, what sights I see bring little piece

A leather noose, an iron roulette; I'm tortured by tools of forfeit

There's a devil in my house and he'd sooner **** me than let me forget

There's a devil in my house with nothing more of me left

— The End —