Sitting here,
Here alone,
Alone crying,
Crying my eyes out,
My eyes out because i'm loosing,
Loosing Myself,
Myself because i'm lost,
Lost because you are gone,
You are gone because you had to go,
You had to go, but now,
Now I want to go too,
To go with you,
With you, So tell me,
Tell me my sides,
My side, my thighs,
My thighs, my wrist,
My wrist will that,
Will that end it,
End it to where I can,
I can go with you,
With you up there,
So tell me?

Run, hide, cover your eyes,
Won't you play the game?
One, two, three, four,
Don't you try to peek.

Listen hard, in the dark,
Five, six, seven,
Listen for the screams of fear,
The rumbling of the earth.

Feel the world crashing down,
Eight, nine, and ten,
The concrete crumbling into dust,
The crushing of the bones.

Breathe it in, breathe it clear,
Eleven, twelve, thirteen,
The smell of fire and smoldering embers,
Dangerously near.

Open your mouth, let it free,
Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen,
Let the shrieks of pain and sadness,
Rip away from your throat.

Don't uncover your eyes,
Keep your hands over your face,
*"It will protect you my dear,
From the anxiety and the fear."

Below, blades are not
safe from snooping golden glares.
And at night, the moon.

You have no idea, do you? You don't realize that every time you tell me you love me is another dig into my own grave. And every time I remember that you don't is another pinprick that never heals. I've got scars on my back from the last time you kissed me and there are bruises on my arm from when you last looked me in the eye. I miss you so much that I feel like every thought of you constricts my chest and makes it hard to breathe. All I ever wanted was to have your hand in mind and feel like for once I'd never have to be so alone every time I walk past another tree.

I remember the last time you made me smile. You were lying on my lap the day before you had to fly off and you were listening to me talk about the other people I had known from my journey then to now. I was playing with your hair and I remember thinking that there was nowhere else I'd rather be and no one else I'd rather be with.  I remember thinking that maybe I could finally set my roots and follow one path to one place, but you took that away from me.

In the same day, you put a stake through my heart when you disappeared and said nothing, no call, no whisper about leaving so I started walking back home but waited at the end of the road for an hour to see if you would follow. You didn't. Love didn't.

I was already in love with you then. And it hurt to realize you didn't really care all that much to make sure I got home safe.

We ended things. Or at least I did. You argued that even if you were in the middle of a vast ocean and I was on the mainland, our love could've traveled distances and I reminded you that there was no love here and that you were the one who told me without saying a word that you held no love for me but expected me to love you in places beyond our reaches of the galaxy.

But my hands could only stretch so far, and my heart could only take so much before the pain of being with you and without you all at once began to dance on my skin like folk songs around a bonfire.

I know my heart and I know that it believes in the worlds away and it holds so strongly it can hardly take the pain but keeps pumping anyway. But for once, the blood pumping in my veins understand that it's alright. It's alright to let go of love and it's alright to let go of you. My eyes understand it's okay to weep and that my lungs breathe better without tears choking it.

My hands will shake and be taken over by tremors but they'll know that you were never love and love would never again be you.

Well,
who would have
thought it would
end like this?

with just what I wanted
in hand
and the painful sense
of regret
when you give away
what you had.

I forgot how
blue it was
in autumn

when trees are
orange
and the hills
are straw
are dry
an indian summer
has gone by
and left its purple
bruise

I forgot how
the fog
kisses the cliffs
and how
it feels
to be with you.