they ask me what makes me think of you
and i can't really say because
rain makes me miss you
and books do too
i miss you when i'm writing
and when i'm crying
benson boone
dark blue
the shining moon
all make me think of you
reading gives me that feeling
and so does that sweater
so i guess there's no healing
guess you're stuck with me forever

i've never really felt my age
so sometimes its hard for me to act it

at 7 i felt 30
having to take care of my mom
her two other kids
her ****** apartment
her own problems
i didn't go to sleepovers or birthday parties
i didn't play with chalk or jump rope
i was scared

at 10 i felt 5
having to relearn my family
new nice house
new strict parents
new hated rules
i didn't have my mom or my siblings
i didn't have to yell or fight to be heard
i was shocked

at 13 i felt 20
having to become a teenager
fun fake friends
fun new phone
fun first heartbreak
i didn't stay at home or deny friends
i didn't focus on school or myself
i was naive

at 15 i feel 9
having to learn i know nothing
big scary job
big new state tests
big unknown car
i don't eat or sleep much
i don't waste time or effort
i am anxious

i know it will only get worse form here

maybe i'll mail the relationship back to you
because now that i'm left with the memories
i realize it's too much for me to keep

so instead of letting us collect dust
in the depths of my closet
or hidden under my bed
i'll find a box wrapped in pink gift wrap
pull us out of my heart and mind
carefully place us with tissue paper and slap on a fragile warning
i'll write your name and address on the top
in my handwriting that you memorized
and just because i'm selfish
i will douse it in my perfume and seal it with a kiss

i send with love and care
it should be there by tuesday
i hope it finds you as well as found me

best wishes, amelie

i want to say that this feeling is new
but frankly i haven't felt like yours
not in awhile
so that's not true

all the breaking up made me so numb
but this last time was different
not the same
stuck out like a sore thumb

weird to say its officially the end
but you'll never completely leave
not fully
just enough for me to mend

i tell all my friends, they're not very shocked
but i cant blame them
not new news
we were so on and off

now you're another just another blocked out person
but at night you come freely to me
not a second thought
its you i sadly see

i don't think you'll ever leave me
you'll always be there
like a ghost in my life
or shampoo in my hair

i feel your cold presence
when i step in that room
i hear your eerie voice
when i smell that perfume

my friends write it off
as me going crazy
but they don't hear your voice ring,
calling me baby

i thought ghosts were a con
still have your ring tired to my finger
can't stop my life but can't move on
not now, not when you still linger

i love things so tenderly, so rough
i love things until they fall apart
until they're broken
until they've had enough

maybe that's what happened with you
i shoved and shook
bit and bruised
pushed my power till you were black and blue

did i break your heart?
well here's the cure:
don't look back
be for sure

there's no promised peace
for you being with me
receiving my love
it's no ease

run away now
i'll give you the chance
you won't want my love
i cant see how

ever since the last goodbye
life has been less enjoyable

i don't laugh on rollercoasters
i don't sing in the shower
i don't smile at sunsets
i don't write more than an hour

i'm not interested in new movies
i'm not invested in books
i'm not so passionate about music
i'm not caring of my looks

i won't leave my bed
i won't eat three meals
i won't change my clothes
i won't take my pills

i can't dance with aubrey
i can't joke with my dad
i can't play with my nephew
i can't do anything and not be sad

ever since the last goodbye
all i can say
is that the sun dimmed without the moon
what a sad day