i wasn't the reason to make you stay
no matter how much i want to be
drag your life out one more day
i knew it was quite selfish of me.

yet i asked and i begged
promises fall deaf on your ears
with you gone i would be dead
no meaning in carrying out years.

you were afraid to meet my eyes
to give yourself away
of your plan that underlies
that stone expressioned face.

but your plan would soon unfold
soon that i found out
when almost a month ago
i found your body on the ground.

the needle in your hand
right where it belongs
your one and only friend
that stalked you all along.

this pain does not go away
and i'm afraid i'm on the verge of tears
but i've always been this way
now that you're not here.

they tell me i'll soon heal
and life will continue to go on
but this agony i have to deal
will simply never be gone.

and you did this.
you single handily murdered me.
and I can't forgive you.

it was me, peering through the shattered mirror, leaking fresh crimson flowing down in steady stream.
it was my lap in which he laid, the glazed blues gazing lifelessly into mine. touched his dark brown hair, now long enough to slightly curl at the ends. soft as usual, rich in depth.
it was in my hands that held the means, the balance to the situation. my revenge. and so i claimed it. over and over, sinking it into his chest to truly find out if he ever had a heart for i could never tell. over and over as the blood hallowed his body like a **** god. over and over, wanting to hear the screams, the sound of agony that i have only internally known. but there was nothing.he gave nothing.
and so i laid with his lifeless body, but he was dead long ago.

he’ll take his whiskey off a drip
yet still winces with each sip.
says he’s got things instilled that ought be killed,
but this pain he can never rid.
he says he dreams of god
maybe that’s why he spends so long
with a drink at hand between one night stands,
catching each hour as they run.

he sleeps less each night,
spoon and needle at his side
as they rock him to sleep with a mother’s ease
kiss his head then turn the light.

he’s got no plans and too much time
counting each minute until he dies.
says his years’ been filled with tears and pills
it would be nice to just unwind.
his friends are concerned
but don’t say a word
they can spot a lost cause and what are the odds
that he’ll be successful this time?

the red wine slurs
that stain my teeth
boil behind bones.
your crimson hurt
and clumsy feet
shake this glass home.

the cracks creep up
and take their hold,
crush the veins that
had gave them gold.

you are not mining for coal, you
take what you want and now you'll go.
my blood underneath your nails,
secrets that were not mine to tell.

it seemed like the other day
I snuck into my parents' room
grabbing whatever I could reach.

placing my feet in daddy's ginormous shoes
suit jacket drowning my little frame
but I looked just like him.

longing for the time to arrive
where I would pick up the suitcase
and get behind the wheel.

thirteen years have passed
and I'm still that little girl
playing dress up in her parents' closet.

trying desperately to fit into the adult world
setting down the Barbies
and picking up the suitcase.

Only this time it's not willingly.

we were the essence of the
early morning dust, floating
in expectation, of the
restriction in hopes we held.
I long for your touch, your gaze
gliding over my skin, your
illuminating shadow
imprinted as galaxies
growing over my body.
love me under covers,
hold me as your universe.
your meaning, your light to guide.
when mornings drag you away.

Elementary days colored in sunshine, filled in its rosy shades. We were just two kids, you and I, running around the playground. Playing tag and soccer and more so often, sitting underneath our favorite tree in the graveyard, picking the wildflowers that grew around the cracked exterior of the headstones. We were just kids, inductees into this crazy role of life. It had just begun for us. Two young kids laying underneath the shade of elders, cozy in the resting place of those much older than we.

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.

In middle school you fell for me. And to this day, I am not sure whether that was good or bad. But we filled our days in classrooms of Catholic Schools, passing notes and mix CDs, filled with Green Day songs. Sneaking into PG-13 movies and playing guitar at your house. You were honestly one of the closest friends I’ve ever had because everything felt so natural with you. I remember my father driving me home from swim practice, American Idiot blaring from the radio. I still have that CD to this day.

So make the best of this test, and don’t ask why
It’s not a question, but a lesson learned in time.

In eighth grade, you began missing school quite often and I found myself lost amongst the crowd. I had no one to sit with during lunch. No one to entertain me during Math and Reading. You said you had the stomach flu. How I wish that was so. A month later I received a phone call from your mother, informing me that you had been diagnosed with a brain tumor. My end of the phone was quiet, and she waited for a reaction, but all I could do was fall to the floor. Shocked. My dad caught me and answered the phone. She told him everything. I silently got up and walked to my room without a word. And so I laid in my bed that entire weekend, no emotion, just this terrible numbness freezing my veins and paralyzing my mind. Now that I think about it, that numbness never did leave.

So take the photographs and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time

I didn’t see you for an entire year. You practically lived in Kansas City. You practically lived in that hospital. And the thought of you, confined in those four gray walls, assembled with wires and tubes, killed me. Because that wasn’t how you wanted to live. Every night I prayed for you and every night I cried. I begged for it to be me, because you did not deserve it. And when you came back to school, you came back with a victory and I was so happy to see you. But something had changed. You were not yourself and you didn’t want anything to do with me. Your parents told me it was natural for behavioral changes in your condition, going through as many surgeries as you had. I just wanted my friend back.

Three years later that ******* returned, trying to claim your life once again. And this time, it won. It succeed and I had to do something that horrified me for the past 4 years. I perfected my stoic facade. And I sat in the back row at your funeral. But then Mrs. Durbin, our Social Studies teacher, sat next to me. Embraced me, weeping, saying how sorry she was that I lost my childhood friend. And then your father came up to me and hugged me. He asked me how I was and I said “okay” because it would hurt too much to say the truth. But then he held me at arms length and looked into my eyes and knew. I crumbled, breaking the emotionless mask I had been hiding behind, and he held me as I sobbed.

Tattoos and memories and dead skin on trial
through what it’s worth, it was worth all the while

That night, I had laid to rest one of my own. My childhood friend. My brother. And as you would like to know, they played your favorite songs, ranging from the Ramones to Green Day and I couldn’t help but to smile. I’m not a religious person, but because of you, I hope there is an afterlife. So hopefully I will be able to see you again.

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end that’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

if only there was a warning
of your arrival, of the havoc
you would wreak. the trail
of broken bones and
absolute despair you would
leave in your wake.
how good does it feel
to know the power that
you hold? ripping the
bark from the trees,
exposed and vulnerable.
warping and withering
foundations and frames,
the home we were supposed
to have together. it was never
your plan, was it?

I don't know whether it was a veil of one a.m. or the double vision induced by ***, the strong grasp of gravity or the coursing wave alcohol.
Probably all of the above.

I found myself strayed from the group, walking along the edge of the river. The rocks were not friendly to my fawn-like knees. It was the first week of September, the fall just dipping its toes into the normal 90 degree routine.

My cousin, Cameron, had decided to throw a party for the end of summer, before everyone went their separate ways for school. I was about to start my freshman year at Arkansas. It was a new place, new school, new people. No one else from my high school had decided to go there and in the beginning, the school sounded perfect. Away from everyone, starting anew. But to be honest, I was scared.

The bonfire was no one to be seen and I had come to the conclusion that I was, in fact, lost.  All I knew was that my temporary vertigo was about to get the best of me. I fell onto my knees, the *** previously consumed expelled out of my body. There was so much ***.

Once the vomiting ceased, I rolled over onto my back.

I remember that it hurt. Everything hurt. And with no control, I burst into tears. Curled into the fetal position, I cried, chest aching, stomach churning.

I let myself feel so alone. And I was alone, I always have been. I just never let myself acknowledge it because then that would be all I would ever think about.

No matter how many people promise friendship and loyalty, I will always find myself crying alone in the middle of the night. I have learned that I cannot force love out of someone incapable of emotion. That sometimes circumstance tears those away from you. And then there are those that have been with you for what has seemed like forever that just decide they no longer want you.

I was crying because I couldn't do anything about it. I can't make them stay. I only have myself.

And I do not make good company.

the red that you spilt all over me
left to wash, rinse, and ultimately repeat.
you played Brand New on the ride home
as the streets collected row by row.

your touch feels so good,
and your words taste divine.
but the touch that was so good
will leave me in due time.

you’re a daydream that doesn’t sit so sweet.
you’re the dark edges bumped in midnight streets.
we’re in your car but I still feel so alone,
counting the streets that go past, row by row.

i cannot seem to comprehend...
a loss for words every time i begin
choking and cracking
welling of eyes
shaking, the uncontrollable
wail that was caught in my throat
no longer could hold.
confusion. dumbfounded. phased.
what went wrong
what went wrong
cause this was not meant to be.
we were love.
we were the ones that deserved to make it.
it's unfair
no one looks at another person
the way i look at you.
no one hold another's body
the way that you do.
please.
you are a part of me.
you are my identity
and i don't know what to do.
i cannot think of beautiful words
because i cannot think at all.

I found the one
that took away my sadness:
all I ever had.

that helped me realize
there is so much more.

i can't even be creative anymore.
i am unable of describing this feeling
that grabs ahold of my chest and clenches
squeezing the life right out of me.

but at this point
that would be too merciful.

I plucked the blood soaked
molars from their bed,
witness the decay
growing in my head.
cavities collapse
on themselves, and yet,
I am here, standing.

scabs scratched under my
fingernails, scars made anew
stung by the sunlight,
I am on display for you.

take these shallow bones
and the hollow words,
carve my jaded eyes
and relieve this hurt
you caused when you touched.
you caused when you let
me love you this much.

i like to play with fire
but that of a different kind
the one that engulf bridges
to light the nighttime sky.

I’ve felt like something was wrong with me
for not feeling at all. this flat, heavy indifference
that sits in the pit of my stomach, like whiskey
I haven’t even tasted. so uncomfortable in
this body, this state, like my skin is an
itchy, irritating sweater that I can’t seem
to pull off. I want to feel again. I want
to know what mornings are again. I want
to have this longing for life and experience
that had once made me want to actually
be awake. I’m sleepwalking. constantly
in this blurred phase that makes everything
slower, everything distant. maybe my body
is in shock, protecting me from the flood
of emotions from the empty bedroom you
left behind. maybe this is for the best.

I’m afraid to speak up
because it gives you another item
to add to the list as to why
we are not compatible.
After all of these years
it must hold quite the caliber.
And whatever I say seems to come out wrong
because you dismiss me as being hateful and jaded
and that you no longer wish to converse with me,
as if depression is another term for being
a hormonal teenager and that it is contagious.
You can’t beg me to tell you what’s on my mind
and then close your eyes during all of the unpleasant parts
because these unpleasantries are my reality.
I’ve learned to only offer edited monologues.
You seem to stick around.
But I feel more empty than when you left.

big blue eyes of innocence

naïve in her five years of existence

calls out for daddy, for daddy to come

around 9 o'clock at night.

he enters the room, unsurprised,

this has become ritual.

check the closet, under the bed

for the creatures of the night.

kiss her head and tuck her in

then turn off the lights.

how beautiful this scenery was,

the innocence of it all.

a father's assurance was enough

to comfort her troubled mind.

the pure and unfailing trust

that everything will be alright.

but as the years passed

her faith began to weaken.

taking off the rosy shades

blindsided by reality.

through the pain and sorrow

she came to learn

the monsters do not live

underneath the beds

but in herself.

and with each saw of the blade

daddy's little girl fought those monsters.

grab my cheek for contrast
to contort and contrive
at your will, to fit the
porcelain mask you made
for me. to mold into
what you want me to be.
you could stain me red and
I still would not be the
right shade. I can’t compare
to these conditions you
made. I will never be
the right version of me
that was assigned by you.

Hold me to the light
and even just right
I will still fall short

he was a man of relief.
feet calloused by each mile
that he ran in circles
to escape his own reflection.
he shattered all that shines
and then wondered why
there was no light.

his secrets were the currency of trust
and I was bankrupt.
what I would do to crawl down his throat
and drag the words out.
to be the cigarette laced in his fingers,
tracing his lips ever so softly.
to breathe me in, use me.
let me be your high.

inject me and allow me to bring you
the purest peace that you will ever know.
let me in.

Breaking up is like ripping off a Band-Aid,
Or so I’ve been told.
But I’ve been deceived
For this feels like an amputation.

Not a skin-deep scratch, oh no.
A gaping wound
Left unnoticed, subject to neglect,
Taking on an infection.

Setting fire,
Climbing its way through my veins,
Consuming me,
Tainting every thought and every action.

And I must stop it
Before it possesses all of me.
With each saw of the blade,
I detach myself from the decaying limb.

Screaming out in pain.
The severed nerves beg me to stop.
But I must continue, to free myself
From the lethal virus that is you.

Though painful,
I know it had to be done.
In order to salvage
As much of myself as possible.

The job finished,
I examine the damage
And smile bitterly to myself.
It had to be done.

Condemned to a limp
Or the reliance of crutches,
I am still stronger
Than I ever was with you.

I stand on my own now.
I am finally my own person,
Free from the venomous parasite.
It had to be done.

"Hello?" the feminine voice answered on the other side of the line. I was pacing back and forth. A little upset that my cell phone had no phone cord to fiddle with as I pushed down my anxiety.
"Um, yeah, hi. Is this Kathy?" Of course it is. She gave me the number to her cell, after all.
"Hi, Anna. How are you?" I could feel the all knowing smile spreading across her face, 80 miles away. The smile that three months ago I hated with a passion. Mistaken the smile for arrogance. For indifference to my situation and my needs even though she didn't owe me anything.
"I'm good," I said automatically. Jesus Christ, I just said that to a psychiatrist. "Honestly, I am. It's been the first time in a while that I can genuinely say that....How are you?"
"Relived to hear from you again!" she said. I don't know whether she meant it. It didn't really matter.
"I just wanted to say," I started. Might as well get this over with. "Actually, I want to thank you. Today is the one year mark from my suicide attempt and well, I know you get this a lot, but you really helped me."
There was silence on the other end. Still listening.
" You were the first one that actually listened. A stranger. And I honestly think I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for me accepting your help. So yeah, thank you."
After a few moments of silence, I heard the wavering tones of breath. With tears in her words, "My dear, hearing you say that means so much. But it was all you."
We both smiled. Two strangers, 80 miles apart, held together by one of the strongest bonds.

you don't need me the way I need you, love
your heartstrings don't strain with time.
you don't need my taste in your mouth
but I need yours in mine.

so early we caught fire, as if we were one
you run through my veins like disease
but I can tell your lungs don't collapse
like you can't breathe
with every step you take from me.

i consist of countless
shattered shards of glass
that pass left up the ground
cause no one wanted
to claim their mess.

i myself picked these
pieces one by one
slowly collected the
parts of me before they
were lost.

i glued them together
fingers bleeding and splintered
but they held and i looked
the reflection was cracked
and distorted in many ways.

but ****, it was beautiful.

veins are blue till they run dry
we've lived this time through
spilt but still new.
mirror's dusted but still shines
but the reflection's not the same.
do you even know my name?
I can't smile but you understand
that I cry when you hold my hand
and you hold me anyway.
I tell you how we'll see them all die
that freedom is what it feels like
when you lose every thing
we are alone
as we drive by the familiar face
and we are alone
set fire to the only place
and we are alone
I felt safe as the years collected on the highway.
and we are alone
as we danced under the stars of the graveyard
but we have yet to be free.
we walk through the woods past where we belong
all warmth gone.
seems as though the prints in the snow
were already made.
sleep has called
but we can't hear
because we are here.
I can't smile but you can tell by the look in my eye
that there is something finally lit inside
it's been so long since I could speak.
I've seen every thing torn away
and you were the only one
that promised to stay.
could you be the one to save me?

i've seen things that haunt me with every turn i take. i just can't shake their ghosts that howl and crawl their way back into my soul, darkness settling deep in my stomach like a lead weight. and there's nothing i can do. no matter how many pills i swallow, alcohol in my system, or chemicals in my lungs; there's no running away from them. there's nothing i can do.
and i realize my existence is a joke. i know i've hurt so many people. i know i'm a mess and it would just be easier if i pulled the trigger. because i can't love. i can't feel. i can't move on. i'm stuck and i need help.
but i realize, i'm here because i'm a fighter and i don't accept defeat.

you, in your grays and blues,
with eager expectations clawing
my skin from its bone.
you tore me apart just to see
the colors that I would spill.
paint them in every hue
and they still wouldn’t be
the right shade for you.

do you expect me to smile back
after you’ve pulled every molar
from its bed? to lend you my
splintered spine for your knife?

the miles soaked in blood
are now stained for you.
but you would still claim
there is more to give.

my mother has always told me
that I was like the flu those nine
months she carried my forming
body around. and while many things
about me have changed (my hair
color, my friends, my mental health),
I still burn my path through all
that I do. I can’t help but to consume,
to collect all that I touch, because
I never know how long they will
be mine. I set them all to flames
and enjoy the glow, the embers,
the sound of disintegrating
desires because if I can’t
have it, no one else will either.

I’m so sorry that your fevered body
did not make it. I’m sorry that
when I touched you, your bones
collapsed like the wind absorbing
ashes. but you kissed me on the
ground and what was I to think?
what was I to do but to hold you
so closely that you fell apart to
the floor like a flower?I tried
many times to collect the petals,
but the damage was done.

we were shortly lived,
but we were an inferno.
we were the perfect match
and maybe that’s why
we burnt out so quickly.

I still wear your jacket
but your smell has fade
I’ve been waiting to move on
but it seems these days
just won’t pass.
and I turn off your song
cause I’m not ready yet
to deal with the pain
you caused when you left.
it won’t go.
it won’t leave me alone.
dancing around in my room,
haunted by memories of you.

you said it was over but it never ended for me.
you said it was over. oh, how I wish it could be.

to the solemn decision
to carve the blade across
the soft white of my skin
for the final time.

i have waited so long
to drift away from this
world. polluted by monsters
and drowned in disappointment.

i'm training him
not to say those
three cruel words.
that tug on my
heartstrings, playing
along to his childish
game.

the words with the
ability to paralyze
me in mist of angry
tone.

i told him
i could not love a liar.

so he no longer tells me
'i love you.'

I feel that maybe the only way for people to take me seriously is to actually do it.

That it will finally validate my sadness and finally it wouldn't just be 'all in my head.'

Maybe then people will feel their obligation.

will these scars ever heal?
the pounding, deafening
silence rise me from this
grave, this hole I dug alone
to try and stop the lights
from blurring every time
I get too close? Please burn
me so I’ll feel something.
I’m so tired of this
nothing, this gaping void
that demands to be felt.
but I only feel the
darkness sitting at night,
where you once slept.  where you
told me that you would be.
but there is only the
empty air, your absence
forever hanging there.

I saw the way it lit your eyes.
Since childhood the thrill of
melting wax and hissing fuse
spurred such excitement for
being alive.

Whispering wishes to lightning
bugs, carrying light to the crystal
chandelier, lighting the miles ahead.
There the world stood still.

big blue eyes of innocence

naïve in her five years of existence

calls out for daddy, for daddy to come

around 9 o'clock at night.

he enters the room, unsurprised,

this has become ritual.

check the closet, under the bed

for the creatures of the night.

kiss her head and tuck her in

then turn off the lights.

how beautiful this scenery was,

the innocence of it all.

a father's assurance was enough

to comfort her troubled mind.

the pure and unfailing trust

that everything will be alright.

but as the years passed

her faith began to weaken.

taking off the rosy shades

blindsided by reality.

through the pain and sorrow

she came to learn

the monsters do not live

underneath the beds

but in herself.

and with each saw of the blade

daddy's little girl fought those monsters.

I like the zeros blinking in your eyes
and the saliva build up within time.
you hold my waist before we go home,
things only allowed once we are grown.
back in the backseat you’re staring at me,
blowing smoke out the window as we go
down. I feel your lungs breathe long and slowly
filling spaces before the emptiness we found.

fallen leaves crunching under the weight of each step. i was accompanied by no one, but i was not alone. chorus of chirps and the rustle of the squirrels scurrying from one tree to another flowed melodically through the empty spaces, bringing life once again. despite, the chill of autumn air, the warmth grew inside of me. to be interconnected in this godly setting.

drowned in this sadness, by your very hands.
burning the flesh off my bones
from the hell that I am.

extinguish the flames to revive me again
to drag me back just because you can.
the hour grows old, night turns to day
as you look for another way
to get me to stay.

I crowned you with gold
your heart is harder than stone
yet while you hurt me so much
I miss you when you’re gone.

stood before me, paralyzed by the uncomfortable strangeness of our newfound situation. three feet, give or take. probably give. but he was worlds away. for the first time, i had no idea what i was dealing with. could not read his thoughts or sync actions like we used to, dancing to jazz music in anthony's kitchen. but precisely a year has passed and i'm afraid we were out of practice.
small talk caught in our throats, wincing from the bitter taste. this wasn't right. i was drawn yet expelled at the same time from him. i wanted to draw him near like i used to. i wanted to run away, afraid of all the pain he continues to inflict on me.
"i should probably get to bed..." he said. i tried not to look disappointed. it had been a vast 20 minutes with him and he's already tired.
i stood there, shifting weight uncomfortably. unsure of what to do. he reached towards the door, and i was ready for my exit. but he continues his reach towards the light switch. wordlessly, he extended his hand and there i touched his skin for the first time in months.
in the dark he led me to the bedroom. once again i stood there, i did not know what to do. we were just friends after all. he made that very clear through the text messages back in september. but he turned me towards him and there he was, the boy i knew. the boy i loved. my constant thought. my reason for staying. my person.

i am a daydreamer, naturally. it is the only release I can feel that has the capacity to break the ties of depression that continue to anchor me down day by day. but I have one fantasy that reoccurs over and over, not a typical sunshine and green grass landscape though. Although, I was never a sunshiny person.
In the midst of my parents yelling at me. Of reminding me of the burden I have been for these eighteen years, of talking over me every single time I had something to say, I imagine myself standing up. I would disappear into the kitchen, returning with a silver blade in my hand.
In front of all of them, finally the attention on me, I would seek my revenge. I would carve the blade vertically up my arm, bursting the veins that nearly kissed the surface of my skin.
And finally, my voice would be heard.

Kisses trailing along his collarbone. Lips blanketing his golden skin. Mesmerized by the slopes, dips, valleys of his body. Fingertips electrifying trace every open space of flesh exposed. Thumbs resting on the carvings around his smile. Sweet taste on my mouth, venom coursing through my veins. Settling in the pit of my stomach, dripping to my toes. Slowing the beat of my heart. His palms burning holes into the small of my back, body magnetized to his.
I swear at that moment, the world itself ceased. The angles above, if their existence is certain, looked down in envy. For something this good cannot be true.

he pulled me close for a dance
air crisp in the November night
our bodies flow in one motion
skin lit by the moonlight

his lips tasted of peppermint
subtly drenched in wine
he held me tight and whispered
light that he'll forever be mine

but as the months piled on
our bodies began to part
our ties stretched far
forever the tug at my heart

i'm afraid your hands disappeared
along with the rest of you
my feet begin to stumble, unknown
different dance to the same tune.

I hold down the
sharp edges once again
to allow you a second chance.
they carve their way down,
you don’t care at all
my pain has always been irrelevant.
after all, as you said,
it’s just my medicine.

we could still be
what we wanted to be
after all we’ve been through
I would still let you in.

you are my medicine.

At least with Landon I expected it.

before I knew it,
the words came spilling out
and fell onto the
dining room floor.
they took each tooth
inside my mouth
as they poured,
bare cavity collapsing.
stare at the mirror;
there’s nothing left.
there’s nothing here
to see.

you could store water
in the wells dipped deep
into my neck where
your grip once was.
your hold is too strong,
its weeds choke my lungs,
steals my own words
to replace with your own.
I was your garden
and I felt your hands
uproot my ugly, but you
took the flowers away too.
I stand now, an arboretum
of almosts and painful potential.
you leave me barren so
I have nothing to offer,
nothing of my own.
I wait to claim back
myself, all that I have,
and I am almost ready.

he called me the most beautiful
shade of gray, a questioning elegance
that held a mystery he couldn’t resist.
I saw him as the dark nighttime air,
swallowing and suffocating whatever
light was offered. and I told myself
that nothing good could come from
this, from being swallowed whole.
but his hands were so gentle
and his voice soothing that I lost
myself in the night’s embrace.

black is the absorption of all colors.
I found the harder I looked, the more
shades I could dissect. he was an
intoxicating red that coarse through
your veins like a virus. he had deep
blues and purples that you had to be
careful while swimming in, do not
submerge yourself too deeply into
those waters or you yourself would lose
your way. he had colors collected by a
lifetime of aspirations and disappointments
and rejected love and affections.
you could see the cracks in the colors
where he fell too short, before he
was stained by circumstances and
obligations. when he was a white
slate, barely turning gray,
vulnerable and new.

my eyes are heavy

can you kiss them awake?

can you rid me of

the sound you make,

the sigh of relief

when I kiss your skin,

the cracks of light

that let me in.