Most people know that struggling in quicksand will only make you sink faster.
Yet, when you are young, you are also taught to never give up.
So, are you telling me to patiently wait for my entire body to be engulfed by sand?
Or are you telling me to fight the current and try to pull myself out, ignoring the rate at which my body is going under?
In a situation where your clothes were to catch on fire,
you are taught to stop before you drop and roll.
If my body were to ever be covered in flames,
would I have the self control and calmness to stop moving and get to the ground?
When the Titanic was inevitably sinking in the middle of arctic waters, crew members were yelling at frantic passengers in hopeless attempts of getting them to remain calm.
How could one remain calm in such a calamity?
When I fell for you, I remembered when I learned about struggling in quicksand so I stood still.
I did not want to sink any faster because I knew it would end badly so I held my breath and I stood perfectly still, just as I was taught.
But what I was never taught was that I would sink anyways.
When you were kissing me for the first time,
I felt like I was on fire and I thought about the day those firefighters came to my school and told me to always remember to stop, drop and roll.
But I didn't care enough to stop.
When things were sailing smoothly and you decided you wanted off our ship,
I felt myself break in half and start to go down and as I tried to remain  calm while I slowly lost feeling in my hands and legs,
I realized that nobody ever warned me to bring my own life jacket if I was going to cruise with you.
Despite all of these lessons, I sunk.

-c.g

Do not make homes out of human beings
They will leave you feeling homesick and sad
Not because you deserve to feel that way
But because they can

Do not make homes out of human beings
You will lose yourself trying to find them

Do not make homes out of human beings
Because building homes means comfort
Comfort of which you do not have control over

Do not make homes out of human beings
Because building homes in people means that there is space for emptiness and mistakes

So please darling,

Do not make homes out of human beings
Because it will collapse
Every
Single
Time

have you ever believed
in something so blindly
so genuinely
that the moment you realize
it isn't true, something inside you
changes forever?
i wanna tell you a story, see
seldom do i ever
go swimming in drinks
deep enough to drown in
but when i do
i speak in tongues
about things that none
of my memories
are allowed to talk about
like that christmas
at the isthmus
where my girlfriend
plucked a conch shell
whiter than gods teeth
out of the sand
held it to her ear
and stopped time
that day she was a shade of blue
the could've made the ocean sick
see, she loved to play jokes
when she held
the sea shell to her ear
she gasped, called my name
and said "i want you to hear this"
i said "yeah, right, everybody knows it's just the same old sea"
she replied "no. not this one. this one is special. listen. theres music in this one"
she handed me the shell
like a promise she couldn't keep
and i held it to my ear
with all the potential
of seeing shore
after being stranded
at sea for years
only to hear
a tired dirge of silence
spill from its emptiness
i guess she didn't know
how desperately
i wanted to hear it too
because ever since
something inside me snapped
now sand pours out
of every post card i open
i hear seagulls
in telephone static
sometimes i have dreams
where i bury my hands
in every beach
i've ever been on
and exhume this graveyard of noise
every time i try to sleep
i spit up fishhooks
and i guess i'm obsessed
but maybe
if i hold my ear
to enough vacant things
then i could have back
the time stolen from me
since it happened
maybe they would get it
if they knew what i wanted
when i blow out birthday candles
maybe they'll find me
face down in a wishing well
i watch eternal sunshine
of the spotless mind every day
pretending i can forget too
because this sea sickness
has followed me for years
because yesterday
i walked into a music shop
and all the pianos broke
but the only thing
i can think to say is
*do you know how bad
a memory has to be
that you fantasize
about forgetting it?

I am not alone because I
Can't make friends

I am alone because alone is safe

No one can tear the
Tender flesh of my heart
If no one is near enough
To find it

I like you.
Sometimes I don't know why.
You act so arrogant, but then you act shy.
I've come to see so many different sides
Of you.
You try to be confident despite insecurity
Brewing underneath the surface constantly.
I guess I admire that about you, surprisingly.
You are everything a human is, undoubtedly.
I wish I could tell you that I care,
That no matter what, I want to be there.
I never do, simply out of fear.
It's hard for me to open up to those that are near.