in the end,
   even Odo gave in
to the desire
  to rejoin the
      great link

lies i tell myself
when the truth
is shaped of sorrow
i will be fine
i will be fine
i will be fine.

i've had
    mouth spaghetti
now
i can never
go back.

i mean,
***** just landed.
don't even know
how
i got here.

it is incredibly h a r d
to see the blocks
in your own t h i n k i n g

pink plastic
batteries
wet spit
a black wing
  on the pavement

a light that went out
water that drips

a blinking clock

suddenly,
  i s e e
that there may be
a possibili ty
that it's me
that will
d e c i d e.
me that
*quits.

as soon as i
can
<get a grip>
i'll stop
mistaking you
for
someone who cares.

it looks complicated,

but it is all in
the coming | joining
   together,
s i m p l e.

whatever it is
that you think
you are doing,
it is likely
you are doing
the opposite.

just in case
you aren't
    hip to the jive,
"state flexibility" means:
yeahhhhhhhhhh, uhhhhh
*you can go **** yourself!

i'm fairly certain
that when i sit perfectly still
on a rock
no one can see me.

i'm getting good at
becoming the rock,
staring daggers into the
trees and sky,
trying to figure out
what they are up to.

as far as i can tell,
trees don't feel bad
about stretching toward the sun;
they don't feel like *******
reaching for what they need most.

they don't even move.
they make themselves home
and get stronger and stronger;
and even if they get knocked down
they are beautiful
little birds hopping,
critters scampering and
golden light stretching.

once i sat on a rock
and stared daggers into the creek.
huge pieces of ice would
suddenly break off
and join the rush of water,
always moving,
that crazy sun
a ball of gas in the sky
making the ice in the creek melt.

i really don't know what to do with myself
other than watch this
drama unfold;
sit still on rocks
and watch, and wait.

and i always leave in a
fit of fleeting glory;
where i temporarily,
for a tiny instant
see myself
as a thing of the earth
turning into something
magnificent and powerful...

and then it is gone.

and i think about
how silly my life is
how i try so hard
to give myself
an interesting story to write.

in constant tumbling thought
what i desire
is so clear...
so simple...
so pure.

but in the heaviness
of the earth
all i feel is
the impossibility
of all things
precious to me...
  slipping through my grasp

there are all these
people
just going around
passing through
my life
thinking they are
n o t h i n g
   or maybe fleeting
or forgotten
when they have
no idea
that they
are life itself,
and to me
are each
so unfathomably unique
and beautiful,
that the mere
thought of them
sustains me.

i want
to whisper things
to you
in the night
   in the dark
      warm under covers

i want
to make you smile

i want
to tell you
all of the things
of my heart
and have them
be safe with you

i want
to hold
all of things of your heart
  safe in my mind
     protected forever
         behind my eyes

(indigo)

sister is about to blow.
tolerance of ******* has
    h i t
an all-time
l
o
w.

what do
     y o u
want to
c o n n e c t
to?

it’s a good thing
i don’t need you anymore

because you wouldn’t be here
anyway.

why have you
brought me
to this place?
it is unknown to me
but still,
i flail around
like an utter fool
for you  
searching for
the rhythm
looking for
the way through.

no one touches
the downstairs
down there
down hairs.

if you’ve never felt
absolutely
    e x c r u c i a t i n g
maddening
         \breathless\
pleasure...
      then i’m not sure
what exactly
  you are doing with your life.

human,
do not project yourself
onto the other.
do not look at the other
and say to yourself,
"well if i were her,
i would..."

you are a better human
when you project yourself
into the other
when you lose yourself
and become them
you will see
  the way forward.

every time
i approach
| peak | a w a r e n e s s |
of this thing
this life
this reality...

fuzziness focused
by the
aperture of my mind and -

the universe conspires
to push.
      me.    
  back.
        down.

for you,
love is a common thing.
you practically trip over it.

for me,
it is rare.

things
s l o w
d
  o
    w
       n
suddenly
*in the violet-white
sheen
f l o a t i n g
on the air.

whatever
the ****
this is,
i reject it.

i am done.