This day, almost two decades ago
I was pulled from my mother's belly
Prematurely

My lungs were not fully developed
Yet, I still came out kicking
Living

Today is usually a day
That I take in stride
Pride

But the only person
I want to celebrate with
Reminisce

Has left our love to die
He has thrown us away
Unhappy birthday

they say empty vessels make the most noise
here i am, tearing my skin wide open
leaving myself right here in the hell we call earth
opening my heart just to be shot back down, again
here i lay, my body and mind empty
my heart blank, my limbs suffocating
my brain worn out and my fingers twitching
here i am, vulnerable and
empty

but here i am, not being able to make a sound
i open my mouth to speak but the words just won't come out
i am trying, i am trying
but my soul has shut down
i am silent
i am an empty vessel, a blank canvas
but i am not making the most noise, im not making any noise
just
because i don't  remember how to

Carrie, how does your garden grow?

Are the souls of your enemies
Buried beneath your personal cemetery?

The victims on their knees
Begging, beseeching, pleading

Praying to you *and the same God for
Things to be as they were before

With silver bells, Carrie?

Are your nails sharpened to a point,
Itching to break bones at the joint?

To snap my wrists and tie
Them up - your peace of mind

Tortment me, ****** Carrie
Smirk and laugh before you bury

And cockle shells, Carrie?

Are you seen as a pleasurable fantasy?
A mask of terrible daydreams?

Your body caresses the loaded gun
He swears that pain is one with love

You are an instrument of pure torture
Who is viewed as a delicate sculpture

Are your pretty maids in a row?

Are we in a straight line
Waiting to be punished for our crime?

Your foolish prey meet the guillotine
One swift motion - sliced clean

Hail Carrie, the ****** empress,
Queen of deciet, and ***** mistress

There is a voicemail
Saved on my cellphone

Sixteen seconds
Of what used to be

I reach for your voice
When I cannot sleep

I press repeat, repeat, repeat
Reliving brief moments

A part of me thinks
You've saved my voice

That you reach for me
Like your arms did previously

But in your eyes, there is no one lovelier than she
Two bodies intertwine beneath your sheets

You're making memories
While I'm reliving

Moments of when you loved me

I see your broad shoulders around every corner
Your ghost follows me through the corridors

The campus walls are closing in
Everyone knows everything

Lost in thought during each lecture
Pushing away images of her

I wanted the full story
I thought that you adored me

Yet all I see are marks on your skin
Marks that I did not give

My hair was still on the pillow
My clothes were still on the floor

Then you had her in the same bed
And repeated the words you said

These grounds are killing me slowly
Your friends are calling me unholy

But you're the liar and the cheat
You're the one lost in a web of white sheets