I sit in the rows at church and hear stories of the Man that fixes the broken.

I hear of all He's done.
l hear of all He will do and all He can do.

I think of all I've done.
I think of all I will do and what I can do.

I think of what you did to me.
I think of what you will do again and what you can do to someone else.

I feel the layers of my skin peeling apart as I find the center of everything.
I find the reason why I'm like this.

I see the parts of you that I've kept away in my chest.

I sit in the rows at church and hear the word "forgiveness."
I hear the words "no one can know" over and over again in the back of my head.

The Man who heals the broken says to forgive.
If apart of you lives inside of me, do I forgive myself too?

It was long engagement
Now you are just a glimpse
I on train passing you by
You on platform waiting
Just waiving hand good bye
Train going forward
Never return to former place
I will never forget
The moment of your graceful face

I’m no Alice in Wonderland,
But I am more like the Cheshire Cat,
They say I am more deranged
Than the Mad Hatter’s hat,
They say I can be quite rude
Like the Queen of Hearts
And like the March Hare
I sometimes nervously fall apart,
I’m no caterpillar
Blowing smoke rings
But I might as well be same to them all,
Because I’m madly curious about things.

a year ago I was so certain that the devotion I put into you was simply a phase, a distraction, something that I'd forget about once someone more intriguing came around

a year ago I thought the feelings you gave me were insignificant nothings that I only felt because I had nothing else left to feel

a year ago, brown eyes were so dull to me, and now I feel as though I am swimming in an overflow of luminous liquid copper any time you happen to step into my peripheral vision

it's been a year, and I can't breathe anymore
you're all I seem to know

"Loving her was like shaking hands with the devil. "
Loving her was a soft suicide.

A bottle of pills and a warm bath,
candles lit around your head like a glowing halo.

Loving her was a steady shock.

A fork in an outlet and a buzzing in your spine.
Loving her was the agony of a quick snap of a bone.
The long ride to the emergency room,
listening to music you never liked.
Especially not now.

Watching her leave was almost worse.

Almost better.

It was the swift pain of a steel toed boot in the
soft part of your stomach.
The gasp of the crowd in the busy bar.
The realization no one was going to step in and help.

Yes, loving her was surely relentless, inevitable pain.

So you turned into a person who kissed feet and
fell to their knees.
Bandaged yourself up and then asked to bleed a little more.
And the truth is..

You almost liked it.