the memories spread through my mind
much like a bush fire
they do not make me warm anymore
they burn me and make my skin peel
they torture me with lies and a forced “i love you”
it feels like i’ve called 911 hundreds of times
but nobody can help us
surrounded by fire and slowly melting
screaming each other’s names til our voices are hoarse from the smoke
the flames have devoured us
nothing is left but a pile of ash

i was once told
flowers will stay alive as long as there is love

we tuck ourselves in and say our goodnights
on my right are the flowers you got me
darling, the roses are dead.

the heart is the most touched
yet cannot be held
do not let it be broken
by those who are not worthy
give it to a lover who bears warm arms
and endless words of poetry
water it with a soft hand
and it’s vines shall stretch for miles
sing it the heartfelt songs of a childhood
one dreams of
and the nightmares will disappear

i must find the light in me
so that i may guide myself
through the darkest days without you
i must hold my own hand
as yours is not in sight
my eyes are closed, but i will find my way

to the end of the tunnel i go

i undressed my secrets for you
articles of clothing thrown around
like words on a chalkboard
wrinkled and left to sit
unspoken
where have you gone
my world is moving in reverse now  
and my zipper is coming back up

empty promises are full
filled with unplanted flowers
by the voices of our loved

the seeds whisper ***** words
that are used against us
they are manipulation
in its most exquisite form

we are completely blinded
we are fooled to think it’s love
let me tell you a secret
empty promises are not

you placed me in your box
and taped all 4 sides down
you were kind enough to leave
a small quarter-sized hole
allowing me to breathe
every night
you would whisper cruel words
but some nights your heart took over
and you touched my soul
each day, the hole got smaller and smaller
until i was trapped under my own lungs
waiting for your evil whispers

happy father’s day
to the man who stole my soul
you danced with the devil
and held my hand as you did  
forced me to stand on your
unpolished shoes and sway
i sobbed as the song of life mocked me

as the dark skies eat the sun whole
your biggest fears are not the monsters under the bed
they are the tall, dark shadows
that lurk into your adolescent room
to steal your innocence with no permission

you know, they say
there is light at the end of the tunnel
but tell me,
how long must this journey last

you must taste the bitterness
of the fruits you bear

my mind is full of clouds
but they are not the good kind,
no
they are the kind that suffocate me
they taunt me and humiliate me
leave ***** whispers as lovers in public
but these are not sweet whispers
they are lists of why i’d be better gone
i wish i could say what they tell me
but these clouds would devour me whole

i was never hit
but my heart still aches
by your words that were fire
which made me break
i’m left bruised and broken
confused and outspoken

why have you defeated me again

do you regret it?
abusing your soul with a drink
“just one won’t hurt”
isn’t that how you think
one turned into four
then five and six and seven
did you ever stop to think
your next paradise was heaven

i used to drown in your love
it would devour me and fill my lungs
with happiness
i could breathe you in without sinking
but now
i do not know how to swim

i am one wave in a storm
surrounded by hundreds of others
headed to shore to crash and self destruct

her mind is a cell
with ice cold bars
that hide her away from the outside

how does it feel
to not be trapped
in a body with a soul that is broken

she came back to talk with me
we sat for hours and wept
i let out my tears
i begged her to stay
she did not say a word
just stared with a face of sorrow
pain
it grew brighter out
that’s when the clouds pulled her away

you blame me for my pain,
insecurities that are boxed in
you say i am the reason
that the sun falls in the evening
so that it may not hear my cry for help
in the darkness of the nights
you are blinded when the sun rises
too blinded to realize
you are to blame