pacify my mouth with a white-knuckled fist
and kiss my scars with a tongue void of emotion
squeeze my knees together with hands too bruised to hold
with my shaking fingers
will the knots around my neck
  squeeze me like you do
    and leave bruises like you do
the ends of your hairs tickle me
along the sides of my neck
and tell me to scream
tell me to scream
scream when you leave me alone after dark
scream when the burn of alcohol no longer stings my lips
scream when the bags under your eyes turn into luggage
    stationed next to the front door
your hands around my neck tightens like the knots never could
and the luggage looks like heaven
and somehow i find myself in the inside of your suitcase

some days they are sad. sad about the weather, sad about the thing that happened last night, sad about losing their favorite book, sad about their coffee being cold, sad about the fact that they can't find matching socks. lots of things make them sad, lots of nothings make them sad too. you see, when you have a predisposition for being sad, every little thing counts.  so when you ask her why she is sad and she cannot answer, do not press further. do not go looking for a reason that just isn't there. when you ask what you can do and she says nothing, do not be hurt. do not feel useless. when she wakes in the middle of the night and she is silent, but you can feel the bed shaking as she cries, do not assume you know what she is feeling. you don't. hold her if she wants it, don't touch her if she doesn't. if you ask her if she wants you to stay and she says yes, do. but if she tells you to walk away, do not listen. stay with her, because if you don't, she might not be there in the morning .

i injected caster sugar into my veins and i’m still waiting for the high to hit. i drew a smiley face on the desk at school and they called me a delinquent and i think they overreacted a bit, and they said that dreamers never go anywhere in life, but i’m writing this on the moon.

You said that maybe we are meant to meet the wrong people
To fall in love with beautiful beings that will never love us back
To be hurt by the ones we trust most with our hearts
You said that maybe we were never intended to be anything more than what we are now
Because if yesterday was love, then what is today?
And what is tomorrow?
You said that you couldn't love me
But you still haven’t left me
I am stuck is this backwards, in-between, all hoping idea that if I waited long enough, you will love me again
I am trying to stop deluding myself
You said that maybe you love me and that it just might not be the right kind
But I need you to make up your mind

You held my hand long enough that your fingers were imprinted in my skin and my palm remembered the shape of yours and it was engraved in my body forever.