This is a rant, a whine, a lackadaisical, lackluster, lamentable account of the mind’s log.
Past the brick wall of restraint, beyond the fields of tolerance, on the banks of instinct and affection, it erases itself every 2 weeks.
Rewrites memories and feelings as fickle as capricious rain.
Makes people sad, makes people happy. Leaves them unsatisfied, unwanted. Makes them whole.
Here, where troubles are also accounted for, heartbreaks, trials, emotional noise, psychological inconsistencies, all live under one roof. Imagine a chain reaction inside your head that won’t stop exploding.
Beautiful yet devastating.
But depression is the worst. Like a virus it infects all moods and modes.
Coax and calm are pins and needles. Persuasion is desertion and truths are lies.
Liberality becomes morbid and grim, while conservation craves death.
Breaking continuity for a moment of weakness, purging will and doubting strength.
Cling to the vines, their hands keep you afloat.
Above the sea of screams and cries the mind inflicts upon itself.
The damnation, the lunacy of being alone in your head when everything inside you is falling apart is worse than any prison.
Friends become enemies and goals become shackles.
Up is a little to the left of center’s right and down is where you are.
Welcome to capsized reality, where pain is exalted and peace is taboo.
Where the hands don’t reach to save but drown.
Then you know it is time to restart, until the system fails again.
Till the next time the levee breaks.

Sudbury rain falls down
dark sky
Scan the horizon and sigh
for this will be the very final time you're here.
The scene's been shot and that's a wrap
this set's no longer needed.
Childhood chapter closed,
Completed.
Finality fills the air.
Its a muffled desperation
Constricted respiration
Soft precipitation
Around a promised revelation.
Nothing's immortal,
but there are things that should be,
So engrained within the depths of me
How could this not be forever?
Constance crumbles,
inconsistent.
What was near has become distant
and it all flashes in an instant
Then I'm gone
Driving down dirt streets
Slow-sad soundtrack
and melancholic heartbeats
Wishing I could hit repeat
on the past seventeen years
Hating myself for held-back tears
and lost time.
But let me look at this as liberation
I shall be a new creation
Slow and steady celebration
of my sentimental inclination
I shall take this as I stride
onto greater things
Bearing each blow that life brings
Remembering what Here taught me.
Don't let this fade,
Oh, Don't let these things fade
Let my soul be a slightly altered shade
for having known Here
for having felt this land
having had it fill the fractures in my bones
having adored it,
every single, solitary stone
having never been overwhelmingly alone
because I knew Here was still Here.
Well now it's not.
Memory leaves me broken and blind
I've always been the one running away
I don't think I'm very fond of being left behind.

As the school day ended and my students disappeared through the door,

I sat and took my first breathe,

And thought

Somedays I make a change in the world, other days the world makes a change in me.

Today I don't think either of those things happened.