I've been evanescent:
an irrelevant adolescent.
I've felt this for years,
through tardive tears,
rusted shears,
and too much time ducking in the shade.

Sometimes,
I just don't know if it's worth it.
My bed holds me closer than anyone,
and she can't repair the cuts on my fingertips.
(Nor can she silence the creeks or the drips.)

In memory and in reflection,
we hide from present affection.
But I'll invite the bullet,
and accept your kiss.
(For it is all I've wanted
for as long as the recent past recalls.)
For there's an electric hue in your cheeks:
a cunning current vibrating my days into weeks.

You complain of certain self-distortion,
and blow mindless fault out of proportion.
But as the facts would have it,
you are the brightest sun on record.

I am relevant.
I can and will scream loud enough to be heard.
But I will mute beautifully for you.
I will absorb every cell of your existence
with each auspiciously soothing word.

That the faintest light blares a spectra
of peach, lavender, and lemon
with an abeyance of smoke, stark white
would awaken a dizzy dozen

Just two hours ago they were of
intoxicated madness
eyes burned by the dancing sea of salt, the moving stars of dust
by loud, blistering laughs, forgetful kisses

(under the haloed crystal ball)

now, it peeps, the faint light
hiding but ready to shine, ready to die

but why chase it at the process of
its rise and fall
when at noon, the dozen cowers,
detests its scorching gall

That attention is paid to this beginning and end
one blink, then the dozen looks away

for the light has revealed the sand on their knees
for the darkness has left them hanging, searching

for a faint light to chase, then bypass all day

When she's new
everything's perfect.

Sometimes early
on you have stall-
outs

A few here
and there
isn't
really a
big deal.

It happens
to us all.

As you learn her
your confidence
grows and you
learn how she
likes it
and how she
likes your style.

You need
to listen to her
she will tell you
when it's too fast
or too slow.

When you held on
too long
or were too slow
to let go.

The stench of your abuse
will fill your
nostrils

make you sick
to your stomach
and when she starts
screaming,
but not going anywhere

you'll smell this in
her words.

One day, soon
she will break
because of you
because that's how she's
made

But in about ten
hours, one thousand
or so dollars later

She will be
like new
again.

She will be

Perfect.