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Were you truly prepared
At the age of twenty-three
to bring your first born into the world
and unconditionally love me?

You said I was a mistake.
But is that really the truth?

Did you know whom he was
when you two first met?
That he would never meet your needs
and you would settle for that?

You said he was rebellious.
So why did you commit?

Were you over your head
when your son made three?
Did you contemplate leaving
before he slept with Sherry?

You said he wasn’t trustworthy.
So why did you stay?

What made you decide
it was for the best
to alienate my daddy
and keep me oppressed?

You said he didn’t love us.
But did he really say that?

When did manipulation
become such a tool?
And why are you so selfish?
What happened to you?

You said you had a good childhood.
But who didn’t nurture you?

Was the little girl adored
cherished and blessed?
Or did terror control you
through your dad and his fists?

You said he was a professional boxer.
Was it gloves off outside the ring?

Was she truly prepared
flying thousands of miles away?
She left a loving family
Did she know the price she would pay?

You said she struggled everyday.
Why did Grandpa abandon her, why didn’t he stay?

Why were you often so out of control?
Yelling and hitting us so much
Do you know how terrifying that was?
Were you really so unhappy with us?

You said you did your best.
Did you know that wasn’t good enough?

Who tore the love
from your little girl’s heart?
Who stole your innocence
and blackened your heart?

You said your memory was bad.
Did you bury the answers deep inside?

Why did you see me
as a caregiver to you?
At five years old
I wouldn’t have known what to do

You said I was your confidante.
Will you ever know the damage you’ve done?

Do you long for acceptance
like I do every day?
Will you ever understand
why I had to walk away?

I know you remain a child of war.
So will I ever stop expecting you to love me more?
6/18/18 #intergenerational #trauma #time2heal #mother-wound
Whether you fall in love with a poem or not
greatly depends on how you read it.
There was once a man
Who looked at the moon and asked
"Is there anything I could ask,
that you can answer?"
There was no reply,
as expected.

The next morning, there was a dog.
The man crouched down
in front of the dog and asked
"What are you up to today?"
The dog walked past,
as expected.

In the afternoon, there was a girl.
She was sitting on a bench in the park.
The man sat beside her and asked
"Are you waiting for someone?"
She kept gazing at the sunset,
as expected.

Night falls in a pub in the city.
There's a drunken man, had many bottles.
The man approached him and asked
"Is something the matter?"
The man finally collapsed after too much drinks,
as expected.

Lastly, in a room there are antiques.
One is a mirror in an intricate frame.
The man looked at the mirror and asked
"How do you feel today?"
There was no reflection,
as expected.
I am drunk on desperation
upon the clifftops of despair
Will I take the leap of faith?
or continue to live in fear?

Ashamed for feeling broken
I am trapped within my past
I must unravel these emotions
to truly be free at last

I want to confront this darkness
Shed some light upon this pain
Reveal the creepy shadow monsters
before they seep into my brain

Made to believe I was not good enough
is what keeps me feeling weak
I learned so young not to love myself
from the Death Mother’s critique

There's this child in need of healing
who keeps tugging at my sleeve
as I kneel to finally greet her
she softly whispers, “It’s safe to grieve.”
1/8/17
I met a man along the road
And crooked was his smile
Crooked were the steps he took
Along his crooked miles

His arms were long, his fingers too
Though neither pointed straight
His legs were like two twisted ropes
And cause his crooked gait

He flashed a crooked grin at me
And bared his crooked teeth
He wore a crooked coat of black
and no shirt underneath

His body was a twisted mess
Jutting all around
His crooked bones rattled and cracked
As he shuffled ‘cross the ground

“And to where do you go?” His crooked voice rasped
I pretended not to hear
“Answer me my new young friend,
There’s nothing for you to fear.”

“I do not know,” I whispered back
“I know not where I roam.
but I know life lies ahead,
and behind me lies my home.”

“And where are your friends?” he asked of me
A crooked gleam in his eye.
“They did not want to come,” I said.
“I never did learn why.”

“My boy that’s cause they do not care,
You’re not worth caring for!
Look at you; useless, dumb
Weak, ugly, and poor.”

“Well how far have you come?” he asked.
“13 years,” I said
“Only 13?!” his broken voice creaked
“Oh, you’re sure to end up dead.”

“Better men have walked here than you,
More experienced, and with more help.
They died here alone, and so too will you.
You’re an insignificant whelp.”
_____________

I tried to ignore him, really I did
I fought back against all his lies.
But one cruel blow, on one cruel night
I looked straight in the Crooked Man’s eyes.

Then before I could scream
My heart broke at the seem
And I felt an unyielding pain

My insides were hollow
Mouth too dry to swallow
I begged, “Please, make it stop!”

So he took out a brand
And placed it in my hand
“Burn it out of your skin.”

Then he watched with a smile
Relaxed for a while
As my agony tickled his ears

Though I did as he bade
He took out a blade
“Not enough, try harder my boy!”

But the blade and the brand
One in each hand
Could not purge the sorrow within

So covered in scars
Beneath all the stars
The rest of my life began

I fell to my knees as the crooked man laughed
He placed a crooked hand on my head
“Ignorant boy,” he said with some joy

“You’re mine until you’re dead.”
____________


For five long years we walked together
Every night a repeat of the first
And when others would pass, I’d smile and laugh
They never knew I was cursed

Then one fateful night the Crooked Man said
“You’ve grown so dull and so dry!”
He gave me the knife and said, “End your life.”
“I believe its past time that you die.”

I placed the knife against my neck
And felt the familiar blade
Just one more cut, like all the rest
And my tortured life would fade

I closed my eyes then took a breath
And felt myself let go
But right before I did the deed
My broken heart said…”no”

“no” I said, then “No” I growled
Then “NO!” I screamed and screamed!
I threw the knife into the dirt
And doused the brand that gleamed

I turned toward the Crooked Man
His smile had withered away
“Pick that up you worthless cur!”
He tried his best to say

I charged at him with all I had
We fell hard into the mud
“You’ll never win,” he grunted, “You’re weak!
You’ve lost far too much blood!”

“I have a home you wicked thing!
Some friends and a family too!
And I’ll never die, nor even try
If it means they’re left with you!”
_____________

I still wrestle with the crooked man
And sometimes he almost wins
But I refuse to lose to him
nor surrender to his whims

“I’ll never let you go,” I say,
“Or let you get ahead.
Because you filthy sack of sin

You’re mine until you’re dead.
I attempted to use a switch in the rhyme scheme and the meter to add a feeling of speed and desperation to the middle.  It was kind of an experiment so let me know if you like it.  As always, thank you for taking the time to read, I hope my story helps those of you who have met the crooked man on your own journey. - ES
The tavern roof was smokey
with a pall of blueish ash.
The juke box was a- booming
as it played "The Monster Mash".

A giant puffed a burning witch
whilst smoke rings he exhaled....
While victims of our neighbor,
Vlad...on stakes were all impaled.

The Faceless Man was grinning...
from ear to missing ear.
The hanged man turned his twisted neck
to sip a mug of beer.

The Headless Horseman shouted
for an aspirin or three.
He popped them down his gullet
where his head was meant to be.

The zombies waited tables
and the werewolf tended bar.
Mothra was the carhop
and took orders car to car.

Godzilla worked the griddle
and served burgers ala carte.
Dracula complained about the steak
caught in his heart.

Ghosts and ghouls were dancing
with abandon on the stage
While cyborgs did "the robot"
'cause they thought it was the rage.

The mummy came unraveled
as we took him for a "spin"
As Frankenstein played tuba
to contribute to the din.

Igor brought "the monster"
and then Freddie brought his claw.
Jason brought his butcher knife
and his buddy from "The Saw".

The guillotine was working
and the raven refereed
So nevermore would pardons
be
allowed to intercede.

The pendulum was swinging
to the beating of my heart.
I hoped that I would wake up soon...
then did so...with a START!

Halloween is coming.  So, I guess
I should prepare.
Watch out for bars with men from Mars...
'cause BEASTIES party there!
There are demons in your closet
It is obvious to me
You left the door wide open
Setting those ******* free

Anger lashed out first
With razor sharp claws
Shredding the unsuspecting
Without hesitation or pause

Beneath him is resentment
Forever locked up tight
Hidden within for years
Now more than ever, ready to fight

Betrayal weighs heavy
Taking up the most room
Can’t sweep it under the rug
There isn’t a big enough broom

Don’t disregard the guilt
Or forget about shame
These two big players
Are leaders of the game

Amidst the whirl wind of chaos
And the fury of rage
A broken heart exposed through fear
Makes its way to center stage

Vulnerability is waiting
She can keep your closet clean
Nourish you with love
Making those demons less mean

As the spotlight shifts its focus
There seems nowhere to hide
Will you crawl back into darkness?
Or simply swallow your pride?
10/10/17
You who goes by "Lonely"
Yes you, who reads these rhymes
Please pause here for a moment
I won't take much of your time

You see my friend, I'm lonely too
In the dark with paper and pen
So I'm writing you this poem
and signing it "Your Friend"

Though I'll prob'ly never see you
nor ever know your name
I do not need to see your face
nor know your cash and fame

I do not care what color you are
how short or tall or fat
I'm weary of all these parties and creeds
So, for a moment, forget all of that

Yes you, dear friend, forget with me
Inhale this moment serene
where we are not opinions or castes
Just two humans with two glowing screens

Be human with me, simple and pure
For a moment breathe deep and feel free
then should you have the time, and a halfway good rhyme
Perhaps write a poem for me.

Signed,
Your Friend
This one isn't great, but I don't really care. I would normally throw something like this away, but the afterimage of hope made me wonder if maybe it would strike a chord with someone somewhere.  I promise to post more polished verse in the future, but all the same, thank you for reading. -ES
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