cats are distracting** *please ignore them

They tell me
choose, choose, choose
and I hide, because I'll
loose, loose, loose
if I
choose, choose, choose
I always do.

You think too much
You’re too curious
Your brain can’t decide what to do
You’re not like all the other boys
You don’t want to say the wrong thing
You say things that you think without meaning to
Your hair won’t cooperate


I don’t care what you think
I love that you ask questions, you ask when nobody else will
I think your indecision is absolutely adorable
That’s right. You’re kind and amazing
I love the way you think it matters if you didn’t mean to say that
I think that it’s so adorable when your hair is messed up


I know I need more practice
I know I am too mature
I know I am confusing
I know you thought that I was a girl all the time
I know that these stupid fantasies I have won’t come true


And you say
You can teach me
You don’t care; you’ll be up there with me soon
You think confusing is good; you like mysteries
You don’t care, as long as I’m me
You say that maybe they will you never know


And you also say
I’m fun
I’m amazing at what I do
I’m talented in ways you’ll never be
I’m the one you want to get to know
That one day you’ll be ready to ask me out*


You’re funny
You’re the best
You’re amazing
You have things I can’t
I can’t get you off my mind


We’re perfect
We match
We complete each other
What we have is something we won’t forget

You could call me female.
You could call me heterosexual.
You could even call me Cece.
You could, but you'd be wrong.

Because I am NOT always female.
Because I am not heterosexual.
Because I am definitely not Cece.
Do you want to know what I am?

I AM gender fluid.
I AM pansexual.
I AM Ash.
Do you start to understand me?

Male, neutral, female
Male, female, and others
Ash Jimenez
Are you still with me?

E unless otherwise indicated.
Don't assume that bae is a he (he is tho).
Yes, I am changing my name.
I hope that you understand.

It’s strange, isn’t it?
We surround ourselves with those like us.
It’s strange
how we struggle amongst ourselves.
We hurt ourselves and hate ourselves
But how is it that we can be like this?
When the others do this we say it’s wrong
and they shouldn’t
but when we do it
it’s fine, and even right
It’s strange, isn’t it?

So you say

that you support all genders.

but what does that mean to you?

So you say

that you'd support me no matter what.

But are you sure about that?

So you say

You know me best.

But you don't.

So you say "she's an amazing girl".

But am I a girl?

So you say

" girls on the right boys on the left".

But where do I go if everyone assumes I'm a girl but today I'm not?

So you say

That I should go play with my other friends who are also girls.

But there isn't 'also' without an original.

So you say

That I usually go to the right with all the other girls.

But that's because I do what is expected of me by the world.

So you say

That I haven't said anything about this before.

Would you say something like this at the age of eleven?

So you say

That you never thought of it.

I know your reaction will be one of four:

1. You'll be disgusted

2. You'll say that's not possible

3. You'll say I'm too young to decide

4. You'll accept me

So you say

"Of course I'll accept you!"

But sadly there is less than a twenty percent chance of that.

So they say

"You aren't normal"

So they say

"You're too young to say that"

So they say

"You're making stuff up to get attention"


So you say...

So you say...

So they say...

So they say...

So you say...

So you say...


But I'm still human...

There's a spider on my rocking chair
how long has it been since I sat there
that a spider now lives there?

whoops, a mistake
oh well
welcome to the human race

I am from who I used to be
happy
oblivious
content to play pretend with friends
Walking through the light
smiling,without reason

I am from the darkness,
that came when I found myself
Fluffy purple blankets can only muffle the sound of tears
not shelter from the dark, and dysphoria

I am from the music I listen to when I cry
loud, too loud
The computer makes buzzing, growling noises
unable to comprehend the noise

I am from the dark that I can no longer turn away from.
It is everywhere.

I am from the change
from long hair to short and in between
from loving pretend to hating it
from travel, back home

I am from the twisted mirror image,
it’s all but the same
distorted, past chasing,
impossible question asking,
hoping for light but finding dark,
searching
for what could have been
and what should have been
It sifts through the twisted sand
and shows me all that I’d hate to be.

I fall and slip through the crack
In the sidewalk
But you bring me back
From the brink of darkness
To the lovely home
To fill me with happiness
Without you I'd lose
All that I have ever known
I bleed and briuse
But you are there to make
Me better
I can't believe you only give, never take
Because I found you, my love
You keep me warmer,
Fit me better than any glove
If I am feeling down
I can truly say that
You always come around
And even if it doesn't show
I always care
And think you should know
That I will always love you
No matter what
I love you through and through