If you saw me

unvarnished,

unscripted
would you stay?

You'd know the cost
of loving someone
who's learned to disappear
before she's left.

You might step back.

or worse,

what if you stay?

and see me crumble

in your kindness

I don't know
if I could survive

being loved like that.

This phase in my life,
It's something like a blackout.
No light in sight.

But still...
searching for it.
And gasping,
Gasping for...
air.

I was sitting at a table in a café when she walked in.

I said, “Hey, good-looking stranger— would you like a cup of coffee?”

We were laughing, drinking coffee—

when suddenly, she caressed me.

We were heading straight to the wedding—

then I woke up, needing coffee.

The heart always speaks -

but do we always understand?

When happy,
she heals
with her beauty.

When angry,
she kills
with her fury.

my dreams are often twisted reality
a distorted version of real events
and sometimes predictions of future events
that later give me deja vu
but sometimes they are whispered secrets
of things I didn't know happened, or things
I didn't know I wanted
I never remember them, except in small snatches the morning after
but the nightmares resonate, every second after
and they are always always always my reality

Why do dead people get more flowers
than alive ones?
Is regret greater than gratitude?

Why do graves bloom
with petals of sorrow,
while the warm hands,
still reaching,
are left cold and empty?

Why do people love children
but neglect old parents?
why do we cherish youth,
soft , unwrinkled
but aver our gaze
from the hands
that built our world?

I crave for their affection
I crave for their love
I crave for their appreciation
I crave for them to love me back
I crave for them to be there for me
I crave for there to notice me
I crave for them to listen to me
I crave for their time
I crave for them to stop comparing me with my brother
I crave for the things i know I'll never get
To atleast be happy with me
But it's not gonna happen
I know it won't

Wash your hair
Pretend to care
Sit and stare
That feelings there

I pour my guts out
hoping to be loved
I am a swirl of emotions
I am pieces of everyone I’ve loved
they’ve only left me with shards of them in my back