Ive spent time alone
Ive spent time with others
Ive found that I prefer the former
Though a little of the latter reminds me of it

I grind my teeth
clench my fists
bend my eyebrows
and scream in fits

I inhale slowly
exhale regret
close my eyes
try to forget

I sit and wonder
ponder deeply
contemplate sonder
fade completely

I am not here
nor was i there
I am a desert
barren and bare

I hang my coat
I hang my hat
I take two steps then
I look back
A mangled coat
A fallen hat
I place my keys
Take off my shoes
Stretch my legs
Put on some blues
Pour some scotch
Light a cigar
Sit in my chair
Drift afar
I blow out a ring
It frames a picture
An envelope on a table
A hard oak table
A stamp from back home
A forsaken home
From which I fled
Left my room
My desk my bed
A good 5 years ago
I Leave it there
Let time repair
The wounds which I left bleeding

I split open my psyche
scouring for ideas
A novel way of saying how I feel

All I find and see is gray
with nought but uniform figures
That tower over me and block the light

Sinking deeper and deeper
like a capsule swallowed
into the gut of my mind

A wretched thought clears the path
Into a new enlightenment
Bleak as it may be, I am empty

I sink my teeth into my wrist
Listen to the ticks inside my mind
Pretend the bite marks are a watch
Counting seconds, passing time

Flick off the switch inside my head
asking questions like
Who am I, why this
what is bliss
How did it come to this

Wander off in directions
Guided by a light so dim
Barely seen against the background
of shattered thoughts so black and grim

I often fear I am not worthy
of the praise I receive