We often remark collectively

The curious quickness and languidness

Of supposed objectively measured time



Yet

Never truly resolving how could

Fixed increments differ

So significantly and equally

To different close observers



Perhaps it is thus:

That spacetime is a gravitationally

Wrinkled fabric

Measured with a rigid rule

A linear distance

With unseen folds and faults

Unaccounted for in the straight line

That like mountains and valleys

Unable to cross directly in flight

For the haplessly wingless of us

We must climb over and fall through

Therefore adding to the voyage

Time closer to the truth



And mountains and valleys endless

There must have been for us both

To climb over and fall through

In that indivisible fleeting moment

When my eyes first met yours



And mountains and valleys endless

There must still be for us both

In every indivisible fleeting moment-

Again and again, forevermore-

Whenever my eyes meet yours



For such is our love's 'DENSITY'

For such is our love's gravity

They must all be the ceaseless ripples

From our two ever embracing

Neutron star souls

I was a withering leaf of grass who aspired to fly,  
but didn't have wings,
Nor could I withstand the weight of dreams
Crushing in.
I despaired in terror
Every dusk till next morning
My doomed burial in traceless wind
Until you came rushing in,
In forms of
Sunshine, Earth and rain,
And now,
Full of life once again,
My everything.

I will hold you with my words
How true they are
Each letter like an ember
They will warm up your heart

Send your love to exile,
If it is true,
It would be sure to return.

I live love through fear.

Did you hide your soul
Behind glass and window panes
Behind trench coats and disdain
Behind little words and a miniature screen
Behind the fear of everything

Are you always leaving
Never letting life to get too close
To be breathe in

Are you always watching
But feel too lonely to experience
Every little thing

Too meaningless in the grand scheme of things
Too much potential for pain
Too many promises no longer promising
Too much silence, that's all you are ever hearing

You won't let me in
For fear of leaving
For fear of changing
For fear of losing
The part of yourself you've open up to pain
Even though you've already lost it
And that's why you are hurting

But you can't lose something
You're no longer possessing

I am all of you that you are fearing
I am all of the lost things you still fear
Losing
Changing
Hurting

I am all of that you can never lose
As you have already lost them
I am only that which you can take back
A fragile soul still loving
Through all of the transparent suffering

I can never know the truth

That which is unfathomable

That which cannot truly manifest

Within this world of perfect imperfections


But I can seek to feel it

The peace and love

Aching merrily

Beyond reason for

The Irrational Beings

Yet, deeply touching

For the purity of our soul


Have faith in this love

If you can feel it rippling

Within you

Violent tides of longing

So very calm and joyful

Swept in by the gale wind

So startlingly abrupt

With warmth

Everlasting


Don't rationalize it

This which is the unfathomable

This which is above and beyond

Reason

And seek dust in the

Tears of pure happiness


If you must have certainty

I don't have to tell you that

I love you

The one truth you can surely

Feel

I wish I lived within an old photograph, a fleeting moment, a stand still, with you.

I will always love you like a stubborn child, foolishly faithful.

By: Yitkbel

My wintry complexion
and Summer soul
Cannot kiss your Autumn lips

Your affections may blossom
One day, abruptly in the April rains
But, by then, traceless I'd be
In your belated reminiscing.

Or perhaps, you will remember me
Though doubtfully
As empty your heart may be
Its shallow depth
Will hardly anything keep.

Is freedom the ability to choose not to have it?

I thought I could be the keeper of time
Holding onto the most precious things
Like a handful of sugar squeezed tightly into a child's stubborn fist
Refusing to let go

I let everything around me change
They turned sour, became bitter
Withered and faded
Till nothing was the same
Till no sweetness remained

I thought it didn't matter
I thought I kept what I loved safe

But when I finally opened my palm
To savor what I held most dear
I realized, in horror,
That almost all of it has slipped away
Save only for a few seeds of memories
That the gale of time might
At any unexpecting moment,
Steal them all away.

I thought I could be the keeper of time
Holding onto the most precious things
Like a handful of sugar squeezed tightly into a child's stubborn fist
Refusing to let go

I let everything around me change
They turned sour, became bitter
Withered and faded
Till nothing was the same
Till no sweetness remained

I thought it didn't matter
I thought I kept what I loved safe

But when I finally opened my palm
To savor what I held most dear
I realized, in horror,
That almost all of it has slipped away
Save only for a few seeds of memories
That the gale of time might
At any unexpecting moment,
Steal them all away.

I want to be the gardener of your soul
The gardener of:

The crimson red depth of my sorrow
The ocean blue intensity of my passion
The scattering Myosotis of the twinges of my heart
When I miss you way too much
The white daffodils of my breathless curiosity
The sunflowers of my inevitable faith
The honey bees of my helpless perseverance
The dandelions of my stubborn yet
All encompassing, all accepting love
As well as
The sweet earth and gentle sunshine that is you
Of which my entire being and happiness is
dependent on.

Because,

All these and more,
I still water everyday with my endlessly depleting tears
All these and more,
Could have been
And still can be
Unreservedly your most prized priceless possessions.

What if  only you have
Those memories
Moments of happiness
That were
Yet, could have never been

What if that's all you are
Goldfish of Time
Goldfish of Memories
Goldfish of existence
Once lost, once passed
Never to return,
Never to be remembered
Never to have existed.

Covered by a blanket of stars
Soothed by a soup of the cosmic ocean
I see silver, I see blue
Precipitation of every color and every hue
The scenery in front of me washed anew
And I saw a world formed by words false and real
I saw the sun kissing the moon
I saw sleep embracing the night
I saw time in a waltz with space
I saw promises holding itself true
I thought I'd see you holding me so
But I only beheld a shadow in my view
Is this the future of you, a love too new
Or is this just a ghost of you
A dream I never got to know

I have been struck down
With a sickness
A sort of Nausea
That can only be cured by action
And reaction:

It guides my every move.

Heaven, Earth, and Stay
-Yue ****

To love, to hate, to slay
To wonder, to wander, to stay
The spectre, the one who dies
Lost, grieved, sways by
Sways by to tell a tale
A tale of the faithful, and betrayal
She believes, she prays
She perishes, she’s away
To above, to the heaven
Defined, refined by its own name
But, what about he
He who slaved; he, who’s, from the almighty, away
Does he, believed, and told, chained to hell
Or does he, unable to home, stay
To suffer the post-betrayal human fate
Heaven, Earth, and Stay
Faith, fate, betray
Faithful, heaven, went, at the date
Humans, confused, understood, the fate
Now, the betrayer, he rather stays
To wander, helplessly, in the realm before the Gate

You’re not the unreachable stars
You’re not the almighty sun
You are every blade of grass
You are every deer in the forest
You are every ripple in the pond

But I
I am the restless moonchild
Roaming senselessly through
The starless sky

But I
I am the moon that wakes
Among slumbering hours
And sleeps through life

But I would rather be the dust
That buries your loneliness
But I would rather be the dews
That wash away your sorrow

Your gift for me is my love for my humility
Your happiness for me is my willingness
To be your eternal shadow and not just
The momentary sunshine

You’re not the sky high above all
You’re not the gale that takes all
You’re the dove I wish to caress
You’re the untouchable dandelion

And I
I am the dark clouds above all fleeing life
The inescapable starless night

And I
I am the gale wind that leaves nothing behind
That goes away silently
When there’s no hope left to be find


And I would rather be the catkins
That hold on to your dreams in flight
And I would rather be the honeybees
That take away your bitterness, despair and fright

Please show me how to love my humility
Please bring back my happiness, my willingness
To be your eternal shadow and not just
Momentary sunshine

For my love for you is not above all,
            But within every breath of life.

I confessed to her eyes,
But not her ears and her lips,
Because though the latter are easily deceived,
The former are never blind to the truth.

Sometimes I think,
You speak to me through my own thoughts.

I still remember you, and I am still waiting for you, I am afraid that if I give up, afraid that if I forget, nothing will ever last, nothing will ever matter.

Hold still
Let me capture you in my mind
Before you are gone forever

I dress my love in the simplest clothes,
lest you mistake my honest intention,
for boasts and pretension.

We are all honey wasps
The Lost of us
We giveth
       All of our well meaning
                Nectar of sweet hopes and dreams
To a world of Aversion
      
Perhaps,
The world will never know who we really are
They do not look, nor can they see

But, we must remember our purpose
             Despite the isolation
                       Despite the mistrust
                          Lest we turn truly
                                    Barren and bitter.

I have not known love
Not known the stars
The moon and the sun
And warmth and all the
Petals that blossomed inside
Every particle of my heart
I had barely known words
And I had barely known the dark

I dwelled within the dreamless
Sinking into the abyss
Dragged down by merciless
Invisible hands of fear
Senseless guilty, and
The threat of life
That clutched my throat
And crushed my being
With an abundance of
Things that are not mine
In a bet against an abundance  
Of unfulfilled desires
I was suffocating
At the fringe of madness
And pleaded for a fall
Of complete non-existence
To be forgotten
To be lost
Till I can no longer remember
Myself, till I was never here at all
Till there was no life, breath, and
Darkness

Until the spark
The flash of dim light
That flickered in an instance
Across your eyes
Like a passing shadow
Like a spectre at the edge of our sight
Like the illusion of time
And the warmth a dream brings
I cannot no longer be certain
That it was ever there
But, it was the wildfire
That lit up the barren of my soul
And led me out of the cave
And showed me a world within me
That I had wished to known
But had always been so far away

I saw stars within the milk and honey
With, or without, the night and day
I saw tears in every raindrop fallen
With, or without, endless fields or ocean waves
I saw life within your presence
With, or without, the beginning or end of being
I saw darkness within your absence
With, or without, a maelstrom, or life’s grace

As long as you were there
I was no longer the bitter
Adversary to living
But the greatest friend of life

With you
Time only meant waiting
Eons for a second of your smile

With you
Space only meant coexisting
A second with you for moons of your warmth

Yet, there was not one second
I was not aware that the darkness
The emptiness, the silence
The shadow of your future
Was trailing behind me
Getting closer and closer
Waiting to push me back down the
Bottomless pit of loss
Till I am not just as wretched as before
But completely shattered and extinguished
By the lack of your light

I tried to get to you
Before the abyss got to me
But the desperation of my fear
Frightened you away completely

Like the child and the fireflies
I tried calling you back
With shards of my soul in my palms
And tears falling from my sky
But there was no use
I had to watch you take everything
You brought with you away
I had to watch my world weather away
And the unkempt bitterness
Grow back in haste

Yet, you have not taken everything away
The shards of my soul turned into stars
And the forest of my undying love
Struggling to grow and stay

The tears of my pleas collected into a river
That I sailed on and on heading your way

And although I did not chase back
The light of your fireflies,
I kept every speck of their light
These I turned into words of love
Every day I sent one to you
So that, on your way to your happiness
You’d never stray

I don’t have much of them left
And soon I’ll be silent, dreamless,
Dark and fading away

I see and hope you are content enough
For, I can no longer hold back the silence
Of your crashing waves
I’ll soon be sailing into a place without words
And there
In complete darkness
Beneath a perpetual starless night
Is where
I’ll stay

The fear of you noticing me
Noticing you
The fear of you leaving
The fear of you merely passing by
The fear of you disappearing so suddenly
After coming by so often
Catching me by its anticipated yet still tragic
Surprise
The fear of you being annoyed by my uncontrollable infatuation
The fear of your smile fading little by little
The more you see me
The fear of you evading me altogether
The fear of never knowing you

The fear of my regrets
The fear of my loneliness
The fear of my hollowness
The fear of my fear
The fear of living so empty
When once I was so unbearably fulfilled
Though even those happier days were spent with a fear of
Losing
Still I have to live with this fear of bareness
Of a soul
That once adorned a jewel
That was so wonderful
All it did
Was to incite fear of its loss
And in my foolishly tight
Protective grips
It has shattered completely
Leaving only a naked melancholy
reminder
Of a fear of love that once were.

I am terribly near sighted
Consciously and subconsciously
I see not what I have saw
And
I hear not what I have heard
Sometimes,
In fact most of the time,
I don’t even feel
What I should have felt

But the mirror of life
It keeps a record of every little thing
And I relive in my dreams
All that I have missed

And much much more:

All I ever need
Is just a little hint of life:

Your lovely little smile
I failed to respond to during the day
Would haunt me
With what would seem like
A whole lifetime of sweet champagne
And
Kisses of cherries and grapes
With a scent of longing that
Fills me to the core with
Twinges that burst throughout
My entire being
Shining brightly from
Every single particle of my
Soul

The little chirps and calls of crickets
That alternate between the oblivious
Moon upon a bed of restless stars
And the wizened sun
Would always take me to a land
Unlived, untouched, unruined
A vast nonexistence
A vast ruin full of life
Where I have never been so alone
Yet so fulfilled, so joyful, and so
Free

And

The dreamless gale that
Would raise me up to mountains
From which I can finally gaze down
With sure and confident eyes
Upon the whole of life
And
See, sense, and feel
Every scenery and every being
With the purest of colours
Rowing down the crimson rivers
In a canary boat caressed by
A forest of ocean blue sequoias
Blanketed with a soup of
Violet stars
Into the heart of the universe

Where everything that have lived
Or could have lived
Never went away

Where nothing is ever gone
But just lost
So momentarily
Like a wandering child
Let out into the world
Seemingly defenselessly
Yet, perfectly safe
Under the hidden watch of
The mother

Where everything I love
Love me just as much
And so much more

Where I am never just me
But a child
A poet
A painter
A musician
An ancient pilgrim

Where I can fall into stars
And float up to the edge
Of the sky
Swim in the air without my feet
Ever touching the ground

Where I am finally
Held by you
The one person
I love most unyieldingly
In a death grip of never letting go.

Many years ago,
I went to Greece with my school
We stayed near a beach
and there was a stray dog
It took my shoes and ran off
I went after it
and tricked it into losing the shoes
I picked them up, put them on
and played with the dog till dark
The next day,
He sat waiting for me outside the door
When he saw me,
He climbed up
and dragged me with his teeth by the sleeves
I don't know where he wanted me to go
But I didn't follow
The bus was here, and we were suppose to go
I don't know if it ever did follow the bus
or If it still remembers me
But, I kept his teeth mark on my sleeves
and his image in my soul
Then, years later
I met you
We didn't talk
but like the dog, I looked up to you
Gnawed at your heart by my gazes
Hoping to reach your soul
Hoping you would take my leash
and direct me where to go
And like my dog
We parted our ways
As we kept our silence
I don't know if that golden retriever
Still waits for me outside those doors
But, I assure you
I still am,
Loving you
With the love of a dog
Unconditionally
Never letting go

As the leaves are falling
this Indian Summer day
I search through the fallen
Looking for your trace
For a leftover warmth
of your long unfelt touch.

Having found none
I plunder through
Attempting to kiss your beloved earth
What your presence might have blessed

You have said you loved autumn
You have said you adored the leaves
So I asked them if you have been here
Or, whether you would come soon.

Having found no answers
I begin to pick up all the leaves
Writing only one word on each
A puzzle of my undying love to you  
and then
Letting them all fall back to earth

Let them rot and be gone with the wind
Perhaps one day, when you finally happen by
A word, a phrase, a sentence, here and there,
Catching you by surprise
You might finally understand,
What I meant to you.

So I always color my soul the color of you.

I dreamt of living
Above the Insomniac Cafe
With mirror cakes of midnight blue
In the shape of the moon
A cup of starless espresso
Among quietly shimmering candles
Of light
That's disquietingly low
And every being asleep
Silent and smothered
Except for me
Fully awake with
An exceedingly loud soul.

In the morning he was born:
Innocence, an inexperienced child

He lifted his head
He crawled, he stood
He fell, he understood
That the promised dream is nothing
But a Dream within a Dream

So before the dawn of dusk
And before the dusk of dawn
In the morning,
He left the Earth, and headed for the moon
Leaving me in despair
Yearning for the inevitable doom.

You had friends, not many, but
still, you had friends. You were
happy, felt mature and never
worried about anything, but
recently you seem to be moving
backwards, walking in the wrong
direction. You shed your friends
like you shed your dead skin cells.
You are growing backwards even, you
are becoming a whiny, jealous,
insecure, and self aware toddler;
everything looks to harm you, and
you are afraid even daddy and mommy
won't love you anymore or just
you've grown so old that their love
for their baby has diminished to a
critical point where the care and
attention you now desperately need
are no longer an option.


You feel horribly lonely, but in
isolation, who cares, who will hear
you. No one, you are dead inside,
but you are afraid of ****** death,
for even in heaven, you are afraid
you will be alone. But, how can you
live when you don't even feel your
own breath, let alone anyone
else’s. You don't scream, don't
want to scream, don't need to
scream, NO ONE will HEAR YOU.
You are dead and alive, you are invisible.

I live my uncertainties in life
Following invisible cues
Different signals in different hues
A twinge here and there
And uneasiness blooms and heals
When I follow the steps
That leads me back to you.

When you are lost in love
Your soul ages quicker than you grow old
Don't you see those living bodies with
Dead Souls
Trying to reap what was never sown



For the five dimensional man
Time is like the Glasgow Subway
He'll be aging forwards and backwards
To get to Hillhead you can't skip Buchanan Street
To get to the good times you can't skip the sad ones
And there's always going to be more bitter than sweet
But there's no end for the five dimensional man
There's no end to the Glasgow subway




He bought a typewriter down Byres Road
Learned to write South of Houston, Prince Street
The love was foreshadowed in Pandrossou Market
And he bargained and lost it on Main Street


The traveler travels through all of time and space
When you live infinitely, you'll remember every name
But when between dreaming and losing is your place
Even the immortal would lose his faith
He would give up the universe for one true love's grace
But perhaps it's easier to fall into the six dimensional ways
If infinite number of him existed in an instant with every trace
No happiness, no sorrow, no loss, no heart breaks
He'll gladly welcome the end of his days


There is a space time gateway 3000 light years away
For the end of solitude he'll endure this 30 lifetime race
He just wants to feel the comfort of a senseless place
And to fill his aching heart with empty loveless space
When nothing's ever gone, despair will vanish without a trace
Could this be the fate, of the hapless five dimensional fool
Eternally without love, or another soul to his name

But not wandering lost
Not hopefully lost
But completely lost
Till I can find myself no longer.
Merely exists, merely acts.
No questions, no answers.
No thoughts, no fear, no love.

I wonder
(If my keyboard loved my mouse too)
By: Yue ****, July 23, 2015
I wonder if 21 grams is really the weight of our soul
I wonder if that’s why when I saw her
I wanted to leave, but couldn’t go
I wonder if it attracts by gravity
Or some other magnetic fields
I wonder if our soul is not actually alone, but
A million components with a billion views
Each attracts to its own
Soul to soul

I wonder if beauty is a factor too
Like her kindness, and her introvert withhold
I wonder if that’s what makes Andromeda spin
The universe filled with the mass of our souls

I wonder if my keyboard love my mouse too
Perhaps, the bond was broken when
She went away too, after he bid adieu.

I’m afraid I have more tears
Than words nowadays
And I’m afraid they would rather
Drown you than lift you up
To where you belong

You were truly everything I had
And as I can no longer find comfort
In your eyes, your smile, your voice
I found love in your absence
In the mindless suffering and pain
The devouring cloud of fear and desire
Dragging me deep into the night

They are my greed
Wanting to feel your love
And not just know it, sense it
And wish it

They are my shame
For I was not made to be loved
My only privilege was to give you
Unconditional love

Even that, I can only show you in words
So petty, simple, undecorated
And pebbles to the gold

My words were never glamorous enough
For your beauty
And tender enough for your soul
But they are did not come from within me
I did not create them
They are the flesh of me I tear apart to show you
The emptiness inside
And to fill your scars

I hope you don't need them
Yet so afraid that you don't
Because they are already broken
And have nowhere to go

I can't bear to be the dust in the wind
Floating away from you
But as my tears and fear takes over me
That's where my words will go

I can’t desire standing next to you
Or let my tears stain your soul
So I kept myself between you and the flow
But soon, over me, the water will go

And darkness will be all I know.


If only I was forgotten before
I was known.

If only, into this life,
I was never borne.

I will be your last leaf
Until it falls on the eighth day

I will be your crescent moon
Until it falls into the
Midnoon waves

I will be your lighthouse
Until all land becomes
The sea

I will be your smile
Until every smile
Dies away

I will be your tea
Until the world
Only drinks coffee

I will be your silence
Until the world only
Speaks French
And all voices fade away.

I am not a lonely soul
That roams free with an unkempt spirit.
I am one that stands perfectly still,
Letting everything rush by me,
Then lament their departure,
and mourn for all that I have lost.

Oh
how I wish
you love me just as much as I love you.
But I am just burning for you
Like a candle lit lamp under the sun.

I can never be your shielding oak
But I will be your last leaf.

Never Forget the Past

I. On Rejection of History, Fallible Geniuses:

Do not seek present fault in past greatness
Condemning yesterday men with morrow crimes
The sift of time works in unfathomable wonder
Leaving only truth grains of real substance
Do not discard these foods for thoughts
For being misshapen and the occasional spots
For they were gold among ashes and dust
And the learnt, and healed is never without scars

II. On the Embellishing of Poetry

Don't dread or torment yourself if you fear
Your words aren't decorated enough
For one day only truth will remain
And truth never hides, but bares itself plain
If you dress your poetry overabundant, shimmer and gleam
It might just be overlooked, the soul underneath
And be discarded as earthly things
Obscured by the camouflage of timely beings

III. On the Timelessness of Simple Words

Gaze from below, the tomes of giant
How plainly they walk in the clouds
At most a dress or cling shimmering humbly
And never so full of jewels and gold lest they
Fall from the heavens
Bearing the weight of earthly greed.

Learn from your scars, lest you envy flesh unmarked.

The Past - Never Forget

1. On Rejection of History, Fallible Geniuses:

Do not seek present fault in past greatness
Condemning yesterday men with morrow crimes
The sift of time works in unfathomable wonder
Leaving only truth grains of real substance
Do not discard these foods for thoughts
For being misshapen and the occasional spots
For they were gold among ashes and dust
And the learnt, and healed is never without scars

2. On the Embellishing of Poetry

Don't dread or torment yourself if you fear
Your words aren't decorated enough
For one day only truth will remain
And truth never hides, but bares itself plain
If you dress your poetry overabundant, shimmer and gleam
It might just be overlooked, the soul underneath
And be discarded as earthly things
Obscured by the camouflage of timely beings

3. On the Timelessness of Simple Words

Gaze from below, the tomes of giant
How plainly they walk in the clouds
At most a dress or cling shimmering humbly
And never so full of jewels and gold lest they
Fall from the heavens
Bearing the weight of earthly greed








The Present - Always Remember

A Love Letter to Lost Tattered Souls

I. On the Desperate Desire for Immediate Praise

Why do I so desperately desire recognition
When I know full well glory is beyond time
Even hither
Praises too early gained would
Place one above all in the midst
Of the wheel of fate
Yet
Soon or later with only room to fall
And be crushed by the
Cruel reality
Of eventual and inevitable
Tedium

Unlike a life ever on the climb
Or of a timely return to the everlasting
That will be never be subjected to
The suffocating dread
Of such a loss
Of height

As
The roaring gale would always lose to
The ever-present calm wind
Vital yet unnoticed like the breath of being

And

II. On Envy of Brightly Garnished Words

Why do I despair when my words
Don't glitter like gold
That would make wise men
Lament in fist-raising envy
And mock the children that
Don't understand them

When I know the truth are
In words that would move children
To tears of laughter
And laughter of comfort
As per The Word
That is equally
Ridicule by men
Of ashes and dust-
That will never understand-
Or remain upon-
This world-
As something beneath them-

Like the earth that supports
All living creatures
And the humble grass for lambs
To graze

Be the needed
Not the desired
But unnecessary

And


III. On Shame of Undying Unrequited Love

Why would I feel shame to wail in despair
Beyond my control for a word of your love
When
What is love, without patience in suffering,
What is suffering without pain?
And what is pain without complaint?
There are truth and devotion in my lament
A testament of my bearing the constant silence
Yet still singing devotedly forever
For the suffering Nevermore

Conclusion:

Love fearlessly your overlooked
Plain imperfections
And unbloomed seeds of poetry
Burrowed in the present land of a future
Undying forest
Far outlasting the abandoned and
Overgrown gardens of timely praises
That's now lost in maintenance
And translation

As with the minute storms
And only half-day suns
You don't want to plant your love
In bricks of spotless silver and gold
Nor do you want to bury them
In scorched earth
That have never greeted a
Raindrop or the
Stars

You don't have to speak
               I hear you loud and clearly
Your hesitance, your doubts and needs
Your precious crystal heart so prone to
               breaking
Your fear echoeing when the silence is speaking
Your immeasurably beautiful soul worth keeping
               Hidden and untouched

I heard all these things
         And translated your silence into love
              Love, that, with my ceaseless praises,
                                    I will be protecting