There's this thing in me
You can't see it
But I can feel it
Spreading through my body and
Consuming me bit by bit
The black hole of my feelings
Just waiting to swallow me whole

Leave me in the dark
Hidden from the world
Don't shine your flashlight of lies to me
For they blind me
Disorientate me
Make me confused
So leave me in the dark
Because there I'm okay

I guess you can call me ****** up
Because there is nothing in me
That is pure enough to touch
That is not broken
That is not tainted by the feeling of hurt
Confusement
Or angst
There is betrayal in me
Sadness
And anger
So leave the ****** up little being
In her cloud of broken dreams

Hello father,
Hello mother,
Do you know how I feel?

Hello brother,
Do you still care for me?

Hello best friend,
Hello old friend,
Do you still want to be with me?

Hello boy,
Hello special one,
Do you still remember me?

How dare you do this to me?
Reopening the wound on my heart
That you had made there and
That I had to mend on my own

How dare you give me these careless words?
That make me feel so conflicted
That make me ache
That make me loose my sanity

How dare you force this door open?
When I thought I locked it down?

How dare you do this to me?
When I thought I was over you.

wash them away
cut them away
burn them from my mind
my soul

tear them up
pull them off
I don't need them now

I need them to leave me
so I can heal
so I can move on

so take away my feelings
because I don't want them now

When a hollow feeling fills my body
And I'm getting stuck in my head again
Unwanted emotions show their ugly heads
And cries for help are about to spill from my lips

I just poison my lungs some more
Take another zip
Swallow another pill
And I'm fine

Mama mama i dont know what is going on
You left me on the street
Someone found me
Someone passed me on
Someone cared for me
Someone gave me to a big house

Mama mama there are others like me here
But I don't now where they're from
I dont know who they are
I dont know if they have names
I don't why I'm here

Mama mama some strange looking people are here
They gave me a name
They gave me food
They gave me clothes

Mama mama they come to take me away
Away from this city
Away from this counter
Away from you

Mama mama where are you?
Why did you leave me?
Why am I without you?

Mama mama, I feel so alone
I have no real mother,
To call as my own.

So tired
So sad
Feeling it all slip away from my grasp
Dull eyes
Fake smile
Hoping that this emptiness will either disappear or consume me
Poisoned lungs
Trembling hands
Fearing for the time bomb to go off
Hopefully heart
Naive dreams
Waiting for the light at the end of the road

I'm not cut out for loneliness
For abandonment
Or for emptiness

I'm not cut out for lies
For betrayal
Or for back stabbing

I'm not cut out for love
For the brightness
Or for social interaction

I am cut out for being left alone
Being lied to
And being a social outcast

To think that I'd look at my phone
And hope to hear from you
To have a conversation
That brings a smile on my face
To think that this was once reality
What a rose colored memory

I don't know how
or why
there's a stabbing pain
whenever I think
or talk to you

so please tell me,
should I stay or
leave you be

because maybe that will spare me
the pain I feel

You make my heart throb
my hands tremble
eyes sting
and
anger rise

You thought this was a poem for my love?
You are half right

I sometimes wonder
If he knows what he does to me
If he's aware of how I feel
When he stabs my heart with his harsh words
So uncaring
So poisonous
I sometimes wonder
If he knows he's the source of the coldness
That is making it's way through my heart

You will not see the smile turning upside down/You will see just a smile waver at the corners of my mouth

You will not hear my screams of despair/You will only hear a fake laugh

You will not see  my fist slammed into a wall in anger/You will see a small gesture. A wave, nod or shrug

You will not hear my begs and pleas for explanation/You will hear nothing

You will not see my tears filled with pain and fear/You will see tired eyes looking for rest