I can't change what's been done
And even so much as yesterday I'm
Surrounded by a chorus of "what if"s
And when I reminisce I think;
"Ignorance is bliss"

When that sunset
I remember your oven hands on mine.
I remember it was far from bliss
You missed your goodbye kiss
Because you hit my cheek
Instead of my lips.
while my stomach does backflips
I either stutter or my words skip
My tongue tripped
Or at least that's what I'll say.

My best excuse
Is just my next excuse.
Forgive me my muse,
For I know not what I do.

I need you to know that
The voices in my head
Won't rest but they'll sleep
When I'm dead.
They've kept me going
All these months.
Because I know they aren't done.
They stay with me
They lay with me.
They lesson me each time
That you've beckoned me.

So where am I to go
When I've buried the past
But our God raises the dead so
It's a grave that never lasts.
Is the present worth running too
When I can stay where I'm at?
I know forgiveness waits for me
I just forget to ask.

Maybe you'll take 2 years
Or two more on top
But eventually I'll be
Another scar that you forgot.
I'll be the ring around your finger
That you don't know how you got.

When that sun set
I remember your oven hands couldn't find
The strength to make me stay.
But it was the last night you were mine.

My Muse,
If I were told I had one more night
Just one more for the rest of my life
And it was to be a night with you,
What would I do?

With this last night
I'd hold onto you tight
And take in the feel of your warm skin.
I'd close my eyes
Begin to fight
And beg the world to stay where it is.

Nothing of lust
Nothing impure
I'd just take in your scent
And pray I never forget.

Every night after
I'd lie to myself
And close my eyes
And imagine I'm back there.
But I can never go back there.

My only wish is that I knew
When my last night was with you.

Kerosene and nicotine
Slowly burns away all memory.
I've never felt more comfortable,
Than
when I found our home was flammable.

You are in the ash
And the dirt
You are alive in everything I touch

Did I dream I let you dig our grave,
While I lie in the dirt, sleep and wait.

How does love pass by
Like wind through our fingers?
And do we intend on changing it?
Or am I to live in regret?

You're still more than the ashes and the dirt.

Even in this, you're everything .

I've grown so tired of feeling content.
Everything must leave eventually,
So when will you arrive
to pull out these weeds?
I'm holding on for dear life
I've been given reason to live
I've been given reason to care
I've been given reason to fight
To search for a will somewhere to survive.

It's this that makes me fear the misery will soon follow in its place.
No rain, no rainbow, but does the storm follow after?
I'm asking in quite desperate fashion
If misery truly loved company,
Why am I waiting to be alone?

I needed more of you
And instead I've taken a lover in poisons.
What chance do I stand against the truths of life?
That of a one winged bird, a one armed man fighting against the current.
I'm asking you to follow me home.
Overtake me.
Pull me into the ocean
And for once let me know peace.

I don't believe this is real.
I want so badly to believe this is real.

A fire burns on a moonlit beach
The sand still burns from the sun.
It is as if watching from a distance
My only source of light, of sight,
The flame of which I fix my gaze.

Inhale me like the smoke it emits
Breathe deep and dream of brighter days.
Is that sun one of legend?
Was I ever warm?
I've never forgotten the cold.
So much so I could see my own breath,
Even that is seen in the air
Only to disappear in seconds.

It was all a vivid dream
that felt so real.
So close I could reach out
And touch the heat,
In a sense I could grasp the smoke.

Reality has been twisted
And history rewritten
Fore I was once smoke
But Ive since faded into the night.
Could I ever feel the fire?
Can the heat warm my hands?
No. I feel nothing but cold.

The dream is dead.
I never existed.

Can you stop a heart on fire?
Well mines been burning for yours.
If I take all the hands off every clock
Would time stand still in us?

Now that I've lost my voice
You are the new song that I sing
You are in everything,
My greatest joy.

Let us float along together
Disregard all our deepest fears
I'd waste away each moment
Wasting time with you.

When the sun shines it shines
When it rains it pours
You hear every word i can't speak
I'm still hanging on all of yours.

I dream a new dream.
And you are my sweetest love,
You are the feeling of rain
Dancing, racing, winding on my skin.

You're in everything.

I tried to be the hero
Just for the sake of praise and purpose
I tried.
I said the right things and stood on my platform with pride.
That fall, that fear, the days, weeks, months, roll by.
I am nothing.
Nothing but a rat digging its nest in the walls of a home because he doesn't have his own.
Who am I now?
I am no one.
I am the ******* of an otherwise loving God.
I am the blizzard before spring.
I am the frostbite that only causes pain.
The end to the flowers, grass, and trees.
I am death.
At least I thought I was.
But I've begged for death since that April day and she won't come.
She won't come to visit and she won't come to stay.
That's why death is like my best friends.
Here for the funeral and gone the next day.
I plead for this to be a dream.
I've been afraid to make it.
And I have been afraid to be alone.
No I am not a rat, nor death, nor a hero.
I am a coward.