I realized today that I have
stopped living life.
I am literally just trying to get
to the next day, just living in the
thought of tomorrow.
I am not living, I am waiting.
And the trouble is, I don't know what
I am exactly waiting for. I am kind of
scared for what it might be.

Gender is a ****.
Now bear with me, I don’t mean it in a bad way
I mean it as gender is elusive
Gender is tricky
Maybe with my words I should be more picky
But that’s not the point
The point is gender is something I cannot hope to begin to understand

Maybe gender is a universe
And within it we are all stars
Or maybe gender is an ocean
Not quite the Dead Sea where everything floats
And not quite everywhere else where everything sinks
But somewhere in between
And within it we are all jellyfish trying to string together a coherent stream of consciousness that somehow makes sense

And-see?
It’s getting away from me
I used to think gender was a binary
Male, female, *****, ******
Everything coincides so we all fit into this dichotomy
But that leaves no room for Alex who is sometimes Alex and other times Cassandra
Or Sasha who is somehow both at once
Or me who lays claim to no label, because all of them throw up a red light

There is one thing I do know as fact
Pronouns are not a privilege
They are a right

They, them, their:
Singular gender nonspecific pronouns
A customer came into the store today and bought twelve packs of gum
I didn't know what was on their mind, but
Maybe they wanted to kiss their lover full on the mouth while an orchestra of taste crescendoed around them
Caleb came into class today with two cupcakes
One for them and the other for their best friend who hadn’t shown up in two weeks
Claiming “She’ll be here today, don’t you worry”
And the rest of us lapsed into silence, knowing she was never coming back

She, her, hers
No longer will I suffer in silence as those I care most for
Call me something I am not
I am not your daughter, I am your child
I am not your sister, I am your sibling
I am not a girl
I am a nonbinary
I know it makes no sense
But if you just listen you might be able see
To escape the past tense
And start living in the future with me

No longer will we stay quiet
Duct tape over our mouths as we are locked behind closed doors
Buried beneath accusations of
Transtrender
Genderspecial
“You’re just pretending”
No longer will we stay silent
The wrong pronouns whipping our bodies into submission

It
Is not a pronoun
*******
Is not a compliment

You sit in the audience groaning
When will this queer shut up and go home
Isn’t it enough that we acknowledge your existence
But you don’t
I cannot count the times I have been misgendered
I cannot count the times I have wanted to speak up but didn’t
Knowing I would not be taken seriously

Now I will not be silent until there are no more stories of
Schoolyard oppression
Trans suicides caused by a “lesson”
I will scream myself hoarse until
Trans women can walk the streets in safety and
Bathroom means bathroom not
Execution
Remember this
As we are forgotten by our cis siblings
As we are told we don’t exist
As you, the cis  in the front row
Realize
That your daughter at home
May not be your daughter
At all

From Youtube to fame,
The first to play a new game.
Doesn't mind being put to shame,
None of his videos are ever the same.

On a hunt for his Senpai,
On games with Ken, Jack and Cry.
He's just a fabulous kinda guy.

This man called Felix,
I hope you know.
His great name "Pewdiepie",
is one worshipped, if you are a Bro.

People told me
       "get over it"
I tried.

People told me
       "get better grades"
I tried.

People told me
       "stop being so quiet"
I tried.

People told me
       "you look tired, get more sleep"
I tried.

People told me
       "just **** yourself already"
I'm trying.

A pile of letters,
all sealed with a kiss.
A boy in a bathroom,
slitting his wrists...
A girl in a closet,
a gun to her head...
A boy on a bridge,
one jump intill he's dead...
A girl in the bathtub,
holding her breath...
They all were happy children,
awaiting their death......

I DESTROY HOMES, TEAR FAMILIES APART, I TAKE YOUR CHILDREN AND THAT’S JUST THE START.

I’M MORE COSTLY THEN DIAMONDS, MORE COSTLY THEN GOLD. THE SORROW I BRING YOU IS A SIGHT TO BEHOLD.

IF YOU USE ME, REMEMBER I’M EASILY FOUND, I LIVE ALL AROUND YOU, IN SCHOOLS AND IN TOWNS.

I LIVE WITH THE RICH, I LIVE WITH THE POOR, I LIVE DOWN THE STREET AND MAYBE NEXT DOOR.

MY POWER IS AWESOME, TRY ME YOU’LL SEE, BUT IF YOU DO YOU MAY NEVER BREAK FREE.

JUST TRY ME ONCE AND I MAY LET YOU GO, BUT TRY ME TWICE AND I’LL OWN YOU SOUL.

WHEN I POSSES YOU YOU’LL STEAL AND YOU’LL LIE, YOU’LL DO WHAT YOU DO, JUST TO GET HIGH.

THE CRIMES THAT YOU’LL COMMIT, FORM MY NARCOTIC CHARM, WILL BE WORTH THE PLEASURE YOU’LL FEEL IN YOUR ARMS.

YOU’LL STEAL FROM YOUR MOTHER, YOU’LL STEAL FROM YOUR DAD, WHEN YOU SEE THEIR TEARS, YOU SHOULD BE SAD.

YOU’LL FORGET YOUR MORALS AND HOW YOU WERE RAISED, I’LL BE YOUR CONSCIENCE, I’LL TEACH YOU MY WAYS.

I TAKE KIDS FROM PARENTS AND PARENT FROM KIDS, I TURN PEOPLE FROM GOD AND SEPARATE FRIENDS.

I’LL TAKE EVERYTHING FROM YOU, YOUR LOOKS AND YOUR PRIDE. I'LL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU. RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE.

YOU’LL GIVE UP EVERYTHING, YOUR FAMILY, YOUR HOME,YOUR FRIENDS YOUR MONEY, THEN YOU’LL BE ALONE.

I’LL TAKE AND TAKE, TILL YOU HAVE NOTHING TO GIVE. WHEN I’M FINISHED WITH YOU. YOU’LL BE LUCKY TO LIVE.

IF YOU TRY BE WARNED, THIS IS NO GAME, IF YOU GIVE ME A CHANCE I’LL DRIVE YOU INSANE.

I’LL RAVISH YOUR BODY, I’LL CONTROL YOUR MIND, I’LL OWN YOU COMPLETLY, YOUR SOUL WILL BE MINE.

THE NIGHTMARES I BRING YOU, WHILE LYING IN BED, THE VOICE YOU’LL HEAR INSIDE YOUR HEAD.

THE SWEATS THE SHAKES, THE VISIONS YOU’LL YOU SEE, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THERE ALL GIFTS FROM ME.

BUT THEN IT’S TO LATE, YOU’LL KNOW IN YOUR HEART, THAT YOU ARE MINE AND WE SHALL NEVER PART.

YOU’LL REGRET YOU TRIED, THEY ALWAYS DO, BUT YOU CAME TO ME, NOT I TO YOU.

YOU KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN, MANY TIMES YOU  WERE TOLD, YOU CHALLENGED MY POWER, YOU CHOOSE TO BE BOLD.

YOU COULD OF SAID NO AND JUST WALKED AWAY, IF YOU  COULD LIVE THAT DAY OVER WHAT WOULD YOU SAY.

I’LL BE YOU MASTER YOU’LL BE MY SLAVE. I’LL EVEN GO WITH YOU, WHEN YOU GO TO YOUR GRAVE.

NOW THAT YOU MET ME. WHAT WILL YOU DO, WILL YOU TRY ME OR NOT, IT’S ALL UP YO YOU.

I CAN BRING YOU MORE MISERY THEN WORDS CAN TELL. COME TAKE MY HAND, I’LL TAKE YOU TO HELL.