I am a book filled to the brim
with stories of my past.
Written through experiences
and feelings I have lost.

Sitting in a crowded room
No one to talk to
A social event
No one knows you

Who are you?
Nice to meet you
Do I know you?
Have some fun

I'd rather leave
But that would be rude
I was invited
"Have a beer, dude"

The atmosphere seems nice
Friendly and cozy
Yet I don't seem to
Find someone who wants to get to know me

I'm all alone
In a corner all night
Drenched in loneliness
A sorry sight

I walk through darkness
adorned by specks of light.
Not enough to help me see
Enough to give the slight

Illusion of eyes peering at my soul
and watching my every action.
Eyes shrouded in darkness
judging my very creation.

Judged by the eyes of those I don't recognize
Eyes of people I don't know.
I walk through life, the darkness
trying not to lose my soul.

I often forget where I am heading
through darkness I get lost.
The eyes judge me as I stray
keep track of who I crossed.

I am lost.

I would paint portraits of you
Printed in Gold and framed in Silver
But the only picture I can Paint
Is in my mind, of you, a mere shimmer.

I would sing for you
If I had a voice that would speak
Outside of my mind too
It falls silent

I would share all I have with you
Thoughts open
To yours, yet my mind
stops my words, leaves unspoken

What I wish to say
I would admire you
A masterpiece, work of art
But my gaze can't even stay

fixed on you, I get only a glance
before I get nervous and look
the other way waiting for a chance
to look at you some other day.

Do I make a mark on this world
Even if it's a scar?
Do I matter in the grand scheme of things
Why did I come this far?

What happens when I'm gone?
The universe unchanged
Oblivious to my loss
It continues on

Some are born into this ugly world broken
Some break along the way
We all walk the same road paved with agony
But some manage to stray

We live together
Alone
Full of ourselves
Empty

Empty promises are made by honest people
Yet some are kept
And no-one seems to care
It is their burden to bear

At some point I realised
It's not the world that's broken

We are

I regret moments long gone
They are past
But in my mind they still
Haunt me every waking hour

You cannot pick a fruit once it falls to the
ground
It is lost to you
But it was so ripe some time ago

That moment lost to me
You were so beautiful in the moonlight
But I was shy
And you fell through my fingers

I lost my chance
To know you better
Because I was shy
And could not tell you how

Beautiful I thought you were
All your flaws included
I would have serenaded you all night
To see you smile as you did

My smile reciprocated yours
But mine was empty
Because it lacked drive
I just could not

Get my mouth to move
The smile was all I could manage
A crumbling facade
I guess my heart was weak

I've been rejected before
But those were empty questions
I guess they too still linger
Locking away my feelings

A prison of my own making
Of a shy feeling
Loss of something I never had
Why?

Why can I write what I feel
But not say it aloud
To the one who was to hear it
Why?

Am I so pathetic for not expressing myself
Not knowing what to say
Not knowing if you would want to hear it
Am I?

Maybe when next we meet
In ten years time
I could tell you of past regret
Maybe then I would not regret trying

What would it feel like
To touch your cheek
Caress you and cradle your head
Would your bones be sleek
Would your skin be soft
Would it crawl at my touch
Would you shy away from my hand
Like an animal betrayed
Would you let me
Hold you close
Feel your heart beat against my own
Would you find me gross
Would you let me ask you
All the things I don't know
Would you answer
Or say you do not know
If I said you were a blessing
Would you let me take your hand
If I told you I liked you like crazy
Would you crazily understand
Would you stand by my side
As I faced the world alone
Would you let me turn to you
When no-one will pick up the phone


Would I have the courage
To ask this of you
If we were face to face
Would I think these questions too
Or would I falter
And manage to ***** that up too
Would I be able to bring myself to speak
I haven't so far.
Three words my peak
What hope is there for someone like me
In a world full of killers
And kings and thieves
What should I be?

So many beautiful faces pass me by
Different every one
All too lovely not to catch my eye
But no-one sees me, none

See my eyes follow them
Admiring
Yet shying away at a glance
All this cowardice is tiring

To the soul
It breaks me down
Am I invisible to those I wish to see
Do I wear the crown?

For my head lies uneasy
Knowing I am unnoticed by those
I wish to love
To keep close

Unnoticed

I am but a speck of dust
"That other guy"
I am anonymous
Another sparkle in your eye

My fantasy remains
A shallow echo of what could be
A faint whisper
A part of me

I am unloved
I am unseen
I seek what I cannot find
No longer an innocent teen

I must find out what loneliness holds
I must become familiar with its solemn embrace
To shield my sorrow
To save face

I must protect my fragile heart
From ever feeling
What I can only imagine is worse
Than the loneliness I am wielding