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  Jun 2020 Alexis K
Jack P
the hardest part of grieving is
learning how to speak in past tense

- and we Did.
in an untimely manner. this is for someone else
Alexis K Jun 2020
I am ready for bed.
I am ready to sleep.
Please let me Rest In Peace.
Alexis K Jun 2020
I was so focused on the Ball.
I was always told to keep my eyes on the ball.
I was ready for it, I was more than ready.
The ball came to me fast, spinning in the air,
I held the bat tightly.
Three
Two
One
Swing.

I was watching the ball so long.
It flew in the air, pride swelled within me.
It was an air-ball, gone in the wind.
I was finally achieving what everybody wanted.

I watched the ball so long that I didn't notice everybody had packed up and left.
I watched the ball so long,
I didn't see the virus coming my way,
I didn't see masks being put on right in front of my face.
I watched the ball so long,
I didn't know the game was over.
It hadn't even Started and yet we had lost.

I had watched the ball too long.
I missed everything else.
Alexis K Jun 2020
Freshman year:
"Creepy-Crusty Freshman"
We thought we had it together,
but everyone else knew.
We were just beginning,
We were separate, naive and secluded.

Sophomore year:
Forgotten students.
Not ready for college
Yet not a new baby to coddle,
We were simple floating and following the beaten path.

Junior Year:
Most stressful endeavors
ACTs, SATs, AP tests
Do good they said,
Prepare for senior year,
"It goes by fast"
So do this and do that, but don't do that.

Senior Year:
Apply for colleges!
Don't be late! Meet the deadlines!
Senioritis.
We wanted it to go by fast and they said it would, and it did.
So fast that our last day was March 16th
Instead of May 22nd
We had no idea that we would never say a proper goodbye,
that we would never throw our caps to fly high,
that we would never dance to tacky music for the last time at our 'senior prom'
We had no idea what senior year would be.
But we now know what it was not.
It was not easy
not simple or complete,
straight-forward or whole,
Not ordinary and certainly not fair.

2020 Seniors did not get a senior year.
We did not get open houses for the masses,
Or graduation with peers from our classes.

In kindergarten we were told to stand tall and speak up, and chin up. Make friends because they'll be with you your whole school life. One day you will cross the stage with them.

But senior year we were told to be quiet, wear a mask. Stay inside, don't say goodbye, good luck on your own. You'll graduate alone.
Coming from a 2020 senior, this year has been rough on us and extremely weird. This is just to try and make it a little clearer for people who don't understand how it has affected seniors. I have personally seen adults attack seniors for sharing their emotions and to say that we were overreacting. But this is a global pandemic that has LITERALLY stripped us of our senior experiences. I had bought my prom dress before we knew we weren't coming back, i bought my cap and gown and was looking forward to walking the stage. Unable to do these things, it affects us.
Alexis K Sep 2019
When did I get so old?
Too old to kiss my mom on the lips??
Too old to tell my sister I love her???
Too old to even hug her????
When did I get so old?????
So old my back kills me??????
So old my knees buckle???????
So old I’m losing my thoughts,
As if my cards are constantly being shuffled.
Why did I have to grow?
Alexis K Sep 2019
Suddenly the gorgeous blue sky is making you mad
Suddenly the wind in your hair reminds you of what you can't have
Suddenly you can see yourself laying on the road in front of you
Suddenly your friends make you tired
Suddenly the alcohol doesn't taste as good and the high is gone
And suddenly, you're in a low.
And you feel like going slow.
And you don't care to know.
And you just wanna go.
Home.
Alexis K Aug 2019
Fifteen years old and pregnant
Just a child yourself.
Your big doe eyes wide
As you proclaim you’re doing what’s right.  

God will help you
He will lead the way.
This baby being brought to us
Will be in good hands.
For it’s not just a child
But soon to be grandmother and aunt
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