love the way it feels right when it hits
nausea, i might throw up
slight headache, heaviness
weighing from the top down
roll one up for the nausea
speed to stop sleep
here i am myself
no one to criticize

tired of poverty
yet spend too much
tow the company line
is it really buying in
how much on offer
stable, bored, isolated
empty vase, limestone deposit

don't want to die anymore
coward in younger eyes
he's gone but i'm still here
what's been made of it

sometimes i wonder
how decomposed he's gotten
grave in central Newfoundland
worm eyed dream coil shuffle
left him there alone
place he hated most
i won't forgive myself
i won't forget

when blurry vision cleared
choppy alcoholic verse stymied
white waters to clear
how i miss sea waves

how do i read
believe it was an accident
if i'm lost at sea
slipped overboard
or climbed

icy atlantic water numb
sinking back to you

we see eye to eye
when i'm down on the ground weary
want to be at the bottom of bottle again
spies behind enemy lines
corkscrew

stay alone, no need for pretending
meals for one (not hungry)
smoking joints at table


look at you only
my own dead glazed eyes gaze back
beer bottle gaunt
let's go another round

Tall boys and xanax bars
Days blur and summer sun rays fade into
Rainy Vancouver-Seattle apathy

Wake up to drizzling
Mild & tired (slow burn)
With vague self satisfaction Oceanside
Pacific west coast Canadian paradise

I'll tell you when upper Eastside vibe
Subsides back to parliamentary
Green city Ottawa grandpa
Sleeping anyway

Tonight, I spoke into the darkness,
No stars to light my way,
       The black void all encompassing

   My words drifting up in ribbons,
          I waited for something, anything to happen

              I felt a rumble that was akin to ripples emanating from a drop of water hitting a puddle

        I was small next to the impossible,
And when it spoke back, it changed me
      
        The blank canvas of stark black was pierced by blades of light,
    The sky becoming a shutter in a rain storm
           Blowing open and closed
       The words came and wrapped themselves across my body in its entirety
        Constricting my air flow

             I felt myself shatter
  An implosion of feeble glass
       Ricocheting through a skeleton of paper, reflecting the brightness above inside ripped skin

                I was nothing.
                I didn't exist.
                I floated in an incomprehensible place that had no end, no walls

     No ceiling or floor

            Just illumination in every direction

                    I opened my eyes
  
    And was blinded by an incredible radiance

      I shut my eyes tight and swatted in front of me
        My hand struck something metal and I yelped in pain
          
          I shot up and stared downward
    Towards the desklamp unplugged on the floor
        
          Breathing heavily, I sat upright in my bed,
                 *Struggling to pull away words that had already sunken in

I, ******
Alliteration of my lies
Trade one for the other

I see him in my sleep
Sphinx in the streets
The sarcophagi & the scepter
Haunted nomad shielding
Constricted eyes, obelisk-blinded
Black stone that still somehow shines