There is a line I cross across myself and beside myself I lay broken
With every sigh there is goodbye and I reside by words I've never spoken
I need help
Staying strong has never felt so wrong. Staying strong has never felt so wrong.
           Staying strong has never felt so wrong.
Staying strong has never felt so ******* wrong.
                                                                ­Staying strong has never felt so

**** me.
******* **** me.
Give me your lips and thrill me.
Perk up your shoulders as I lay there and smolder
thrill me.

Whoops, there I said it and if I feel it then I must really mean it
and if I mean it, then I must really want it
and if I want it then I'll eat fire.
And duh-duh-duh he's going to eat fire, ladies and gentleman.
Boys and girls,
there are seven wonders of the world
and you'll never see them, let alone be them.

You ******* *******
I trusted you
I was just a child

"I'm scared."

You touched me in ways that you thought would bring satisfaction
but all you created was destruction

"You do it or you go to hell. It's in the bible."

Just because you corrupted my body
doesn't mean that you corrupted my being.
And you will never know who I am
just because of my body.
I have heaven inside of me
and oceans so deep in my heart
that I can drown others with my love.

I am not what the TV says I am
I am not what a textbook says I am
I am not my grades
I am not the flames that have burnt me

I am love
I am hope
I am the fingers brushing her face
I am courage
I am ambition
I am fighting to fix everything
while you lay dead and broken under dirt that is above you.
Above you.
Above you.
Above you. Above you. Above you. Above you. Above you.

This is the one time I will not be weak.

If I can overcome this then I can overcome anything at all
and if I can't
then forever I'll fall.

Standing there
arms high
and heart abandoned.
Completely surrendering your soul.
Crying out for the Lord.
In awe of all He's done.
Tears in your eyes.
Chills down your spine.
Singing out to the One who deserves it.

Worshiping the one true King
with all your heart.

Love #1
He liked me, i liked him.
This lasted for a while.
Summer came, he left.
He got a girlfriend, and forgot about me.

The next school year,
We made eye contact in the hall all the time
He texted me and apologized
I forgave him
and when he and his girlfriend were over
He came running back to me
I welcomed him with open arms.
This only lasted part of the summer.
Things were getting tense
and we stopped contacting each other.

A year later
When i was "talking" to someone new
He apologized again
I think he was jealous, to be honest.

We never spoke again.


Love #2
I thought he was cute
I only fantasized about him liking me
Then it came true
He pursued me, and i liked it.
We went on a date before our first date

He held my hand that day
and forced his lips upon mine.
Not how i imagined my first kiss.

We went on dates
but stayed in the car most of the time
I thought i could control things
and not go too far.
I tried to stop multiple times
yet somehow he just kept enticing me.
After he got what he wanted (not what you are thinking)
He dumped me.
He said we could still be friends
but i mean, that was unrealistic.

We never spoke again.


Love #3
He makes me happy
We are best friends
He held my hand at the beach
and kissed me on the cheek.
That was only for one day.

We continued to be best friends
We went out by ourselves and
he made no indication that we were more than friends.
Weeks went by.

Then after our AP test we went to eat together.
We also went on an adventure.
That was the best day of my life.
We went up a mountain and went on a little hike.
It was hailing and we were sitting close under a towel for protection.

That would have been the perfect time to kiss me.
But he didnt.
And i respect that.

He takes things slow
unlike Love #2.
patience means you're in it for the long run.
Things are going well
and I think we could actually have a good future together.
Im excited for it, love.

She follows you

Because you welcome her in

You send out fancy invitations

With calligraphic RSVPs

And wax stamped seals

You sprits them with the
Smell
 of your heartbeat 

And cradling arms

dare you not to risk

letting herself deny

The memory of  “we”

Dare you not let any sense

Ever evoked be

Forgotten


You sit patiently in hand

With understanding and silence

With independence and      love
*
Secretly lusting

For the moment

She rests her delicate feet

Firmly at your door

And you open with      
*Satisfaction
There she is

Ever so fragile

With her tear stained face

Needing you

Making you feel worthy

Giving you her life

Her breath

Her body 
            
that she unselfishly

Throws under you

For you

Dirtying linens

Where purity once lay

Taking your fill
Another piece of her empty
lonely soul
Weak fragile...and all yours


And you wonder why
She screams for you
   You say she can't let go
          
               Of course she can't darling

After you ignored her legs that she held clamped together so tight that magnets would be jealous of the strength she possessed to try and keep you out,
Did you confuse her groans of pain as moans of pleasure?
Did you not see the tears of shame glistening on her face?
Why didn’t you listen to her when she yelled for you to stop because of the pain you were causing her?
Is having *** with someone as she lays anything but still on the floor comfortable?
When she dug her nails into your flesh and bit with teeth into your arms, releasing the pain you forced on her, returning it into the monster who destroyed her,
Did you think that was permission for you to start again, when she had yet to finish fighting you off for the first time?
How did you confuse her silence when she finally laid still because she knew she could not push you out from inside of her as enjoyment?

I was 8 years old
   crying in my room
I couldn't remember your face
   and I couldn't call you
I knew you wouldn't understand
   I knew you didn't care
too drunk to even
   come around
And I saw you
   in front of our broken house
you walked up to me
    and I could smell you
***** on your breath
   before you were even
close enough to touch
   then you kissed me a
thousand kisses
   all over my face
                    * I felt so ******
I didn't want to believe
   this was you
because you ****
   and I hated that you
       were no good
never
   a good mother
never
   a good friend
but your lips would lie
   with careless love
it's okay... I knew
   you meant only pretend