Spring clothes the Earth in silk of green
And parades her in a rare sheen
Summer gifts the plants with bloom
And causes the bees to hum and zoom
Autumn makes the leaves yellow
And blesses the season with fruits mellow
Winter brings hail and snow
With icy winds that blow and blow

The older I get,
  the more important words become

The shorter the days,
  the deeper the streams that run

With time closing in,
  I reach for the poems and rhymes

Into the twilight,
—for one last miraculous line

(Villanova Pennsylvania: March, 2017)

I don't think in linear paths
I think in images, not words.
I think through what I see
                       what I hear
                       what I feel

For instance, that night,
I found my sisters body
I saw her lifeless body hanging there
I saw my mother fall to the ground, a strangled mix between a scream and a gasp escaping her lips
I saw the red eyes of my father
I had never seen them before and I've seen them too many times since
I saw the strongest people I've ever known fall to their knees in the rubble of my family
I saw my family fragment, break and stumble under the weight of our grief
But I also saw my family stand up, rise, fight and pull the ripping seams together with our knuckles turning white

I heard my father's panic
I heard my mother's cries
I heard my own disconnected voice as my body and brain worked separately
I heard the voice of the 911 operator in my ear
I heard the sirens
      the ones that now echo in my ears
I hear an unknown voice say "I'm sorry, we couldn't revive her. She's gone," as my mother crumpled into my father.


I felt my blood racing through my veins
I felt my heart pounding in my chest
I felt my muscles moving and tearing and ripping as I ran, fueled by adrenaline
I felt the loss
I felt the icy numbness blanketing my family

I saw a life end that night and dozens of others permanently altered

Her life ended that night and ours changed and came crashing to a halt but we got back up
I got back up

I only hope that wherever she is, she's finally happy

Happier than she was here

I smile
But inside i’m broken
Beneath the tough exterior
I’m brittle and vulnerable
My eyes may seem hollow and empty
Yet they’re so full of emotion
The same eyes you see on my face
Are the ones that stare blankly at walls
And cry as i feel my heart shattering inside my chest
I might seem like i’m confident
But in reality i hate myself
I don’t accept who i am
I try not to let others break me
So i lock my feelings inside
And I cage my emotions like a wild animal
I put my heart in shackles just to protect it so i cannot feel
To protect myself from hungry souls
As they try to feed off of my pain
I hear voices in my head
Calling to me
Saying that i must be free
To free my heart
To let others in
But i’m already numb

Save me

Diamonds are as hard to find
As the words that should be said today
The tears come out as hard
As the words that are left for me to say.