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Uzziah Ruffin Sep 10
Escaped from fears
Smiles hiding tears
Yet Unable to sleep
Emotions Buried so deep

Losing a friend
Trying to comprehend
A candle snuffed out
Turning away in doubt

A father deceased
Farwell, We feast
Another sky turned gray
Hearts left in disarray

Return of Wrongdoer
Smiles become fewer
Drugs to help cope
Losing what little hope

Feelings to address
Family in distress
A mother points blame
A heart left maimed

Apology never received
False affections believed
Silent the line stays
As I've departed ways
All in 1 year, I lost my step dad, my cat, and my grandfather. After my step dad passed, my "older brother" who had also made me a victim came back into the house I loved in. I tried my best to keep the peace and pretend he wasn't there but eventually I had a panic attack and had to go to the hospital and everything got let out. My mother acted as if she supported me but in the end, she was only looking out for herself. I ended up leaving without a plan and cut all contact with her and him. 22 years of silence finally breaks and my world turned upside down.
Uzziah Ruffin Sep 10
Is it suitable
To retreat from the crowd's gaze
Cloaked in solitude's embrace
While the world observes

Is it suitable
To remain silent amed kin
While shards of self scatters
Like fractured glass

Is it suitable
To shed tears unending
Longing for affection
To shroud haunting memories

Is it suitable
To let crimson rivers flow
Yearning for absolution
As shadows converse

Is it suitable
To confide in you thus
Praying for a gental touch

Is it suitable
To question endlessly
When escape feels futile

Is it suitable
To simply exist as I am
I've always had problems with my anxiety. Everytime someone looks at me, it feels like someone is reading a book about me. Knowing every little detail about me, what scares me and the reasons for my scars. So in turn, I look away in fear that it could ever be the case.
Uzziah Ruffin Sep 10
Shattered memories scattered wide
Distrust and doubt, they do reside
Curious minds, they wonder and pick
Yet the fading day ends with a simple click

Uncertain of the right or wrong
Wondering where I truly belong
A cycle spinning like a cruel trick
And once more, the night concludes with a chilling click

Hoping that my words will find an ear
Longing for the day I disappear
Seeking silence to heal the sick
In this room, the only sound is the click

Burning candles, a solitary prayer
Seeking solace, for sense of repair
Pondering if the golden gates are slick
A question left lingering, while waiting for the click

Shallow breath taken, quivering in fear
One more pull, a solution draws near
Let faith decide where I belong
Let one more "click" inform me I'm wrong
Uzziah Ruffin Sep 10
Locked within these walls, my days slip away
Apathetic to the world's concerns, it seems I've lost my way
Drifting aimlessly in an abyss of despair
Each passing moment thickens the air

In countless notes, I sought the words to express my soul
Yet, on paper, they vanished, leaving me empty and cold
With tear-stained cheeks, the ink faded from my grasp
Unable to hold the pen, my heart dampened like a fallen leaf's gasp

The piles of paper, reminders of my futile attempt
I discarded them all, seeking solace in my final ascent
Perched on a ledge, restlessness consumes my being
Only photos on my phone, preserving memories I'm leaving

The image of your departing silhouette etched in my mind
The door you exited without farewell, the last mark I find
Beyond that threshold, I am ready to embrace the unknown
With weary eyes, I yearn for the day when you and I are again sown.

— The End —