so you're disappointed
that you're disappointed
and maybe that's to be expected
some folks make beds
out of their catharsis
differently than others
it's this list
of things you lost in the fire
or how jealous you are
of people
who never came back up for air
you're crying
so the faucets leak out of solidarity
& someone asks you
why the floor is wet
so you tell them
"we've been weeping here forever"
then they want to give you
a mouth full of presupposition
by saying
"are you going down with the ship?"
& you look them in the mouth
like Leo is handcuffed to a pipe
five decks down
you look at them
like you just woke up
from that dream everyone has
where all their teeth fall out
maybe it's an intervention
a hearse vs station wagon origin story
a clearance sale
& everything's gotta go
or maybe it's the dream
where you're at the docks
from your childhood
and there's a little girl
unmooring all the ships
because she thinks
they'll float away
but every time
she unties them
they just sink




                                          they just sink

I promised myself I'd address this with
you two but is been burdening me and messing with my head
so we go any further and before another day decides to pass
I'm going to write this down before I end up brain dead.
You're my parents, you birthed me and I love and respect you both
but the pressure you put me under is causing me to choke
I don't know how much longer I can take living under this yoke

First off and with all due respect,
I'm not my siblings or my cousins, and I know I'm not what you must've guessed
would arrive on this earth, and I know you do and have done your best
to raise me right, but I see that's one thing you forget.

Second, please pick a consistent tone.
I want to grow up but clearly you don't want me on my own.
I know I'll always be that curly headed little kid, and I'm trying to grow up but there's only so much I can do no matter what either of you did.

Thirdly, mom, I have trouble sleeping at night because of all of this, so when I do wake you up I am sorry it's nervous energy that causes it.
I keep trying to sleep then wonder
Will I ever get my life together or am I just another burden another life ripped asunder?

I hate that I even had to write this but I had to get this off of my chest,
I know you both love me and want nothing but the best,
but I couldn't find a way to communicate these problems I'm facing without coming off as issuing disrespect.
so if I'm you're biggest disappointment I'm sorry, that's just maybe what I'm destined to be,
I know that I'm not in charge of my destiny,
but I am glad that God assigned you two to me

*******
For your enigmatic, complicated and distant ways
******* for making me question myself
******* for making me forget what I'm worth
******* for making me cry
******* for leaving without saying goodbye
Then coming back without a reason
You had your chance
You could have had me
We could have been something
If even only temporary
You left without trying
Without a word of goodbye
And now your expect me to come running
Without any reason why
*******

tonight I fell in love with you
again.
this happens often;
every moment I am nuzzled into the curve of your neck meeting your jaw line, breathing you in.
every second I hear your voice, echoing my name without ever speaking it.
every raise of your chest as you take in the air that i so longingly wish to be.
im falling for you over and over again, and I wonder how many times this will happen.
I'd like to think endlessly; forever-
the rest of my life, the rest of yours; so that one day, we may be able to call it our life.
I would like to fall in love with you
when you drum the rhythms onto your lap, offbeat and oblivious
and when you kiss my hand, so softly, like a butterfly; landing for a moment, effortlessly, and leaving so sudden with little breeze.
let me fall in love with you
every day, all over again
so that we can be forever and this life can be ours.

I just puked another poem today
There was a queasiness so my brain felt the need
To up chuck all of its contents
All over you fine peoples feet

It was a colorful array of symbolism
That I hurled across the room
It must have been something I'd seen or read
That made me ***** this poem out for you

Don't worry I'll personally clean up the mess
Before anymore of this I let loose
But this close to a sick poet you should have guessed
That eventually my works would splatter on you