They say things will get easier
as the years go by,
so I wait to see the difference
but then I question, "why?"
Sometimes I feel like I'm ok
and accept that you're gone,
yet there are other times
it's so very hard to carry on
November brings this emptiness
at the end of every day,
the daylight brings me comfort
but at night, a hole, is where I lay
My mind is still reminded
of the games that we would play,
the trouble we'd get into
and all the lies we'd have to say
We knew we had a bond
that would always be just ours,
and as the years past along
we shared so many scars
I felt the burden of your pain
and of the damage you would do,
every time your heart would bleed
mine would pour out too
They say to just be THANKFUL
for the years I had with you,
to share in all the holidays
but now they'll always be too few
As November's door closes
and the calendar moves along,
December rears its ugly head
and you're heard in every song
Here comes Santa Claus
ringing through my ears,
Silent Night is only heard
through my falling tears
No one will ever understand
how we'd scour through the house,
hoping to find some presents
you'd say, "be quiet as a mouse"
They say it will get better
sadness will turn to cheer,
memories should be precious
but its so hard this time of year
As Christmas comes upon on us
I force myself from my bed,
to decorate the tree and shop
when I'd rather sleep instead
The empty seat at the table
hits me every time,
a symbolic rememberance
as the clock begins to chime
The conversation's always lacking
without your voice amongst the noise,
then my mind flashes back
to former Christmas mornings and all the toys
Things changed as we got older
but laughter still filled the room,
now opening the presents
just fills my heart with doom
As the day comes to an end
I sigh and breath relief,
only a few more days
and the month will be complete
In those final days
a weight's placed on my chest,
our last conversation was so heavy
my mind runs without a rest
It's as if I see myself
from some other point of view,
answering the phone
to hysteria about you
Her voice was full of fear
but I still hear my mother say,
"your brother, he's gone"
I knew the Lord took him away
The 30th will mark five years
I've survived without you,
but anyone who says "it gets easier"
just doesn't have a clue
I know it might sound crazy
even I don't understand,
why sometimes I'm still a little girl
in need of my *big brother's hand
For my big brother. Never forgotten.