Silence often stills me.
I don't like it.
Sometimes I will accidentally find myself sitting in silence
And a cascade of sadness will begin to drift over me
And inside I will see it coming
And in my mind I will flee from it.
But...
It's like sleep paralysis, almost.
If you've ever woken up unable to move when you want to, you know the feeling I mean.
Get up! I think.
Turn on the television.
Take your pills.
Eat something.
Get a voice besides your own into your head
Now
Or it will be dire.
And I sit there
Still.
Paralyzed.
Feeling black ice glaze over where my panic should be
And depression creeping towards me like a dense fog.
And just as I am about to be swallowed by it
My mind returns to my body
And I jump up, escaping.
It is
Disconcerting to say the least.

They say,
"Love is in the arms of the beholder."
So I built a home
Within the marrow of your bones
With your soul
As the fireplace.

I've been feeling so alone
And so lost
As if I was trapped in the dark forest of my mind
Not knowing which way is out
And which way is into further isolation
And than I walked
And walked
With music playing in my ears
Alone
But I wasn't lonely
I was free
And I wished that I could just walk forever
Not away from anything
Not to anything
Just walking
forever

a year will be here
soon enough and I cannot seem to
control myself when I am around you
the sound of your name pushes my
heart of my chest and the touch of your
fingertips let me know that you're not all
ice you are a burning fire that consumes my
soul and roars with the wind in the winters
brisk air and I've never met someone who could
take my heart and burn it with their eyes as if I had
never seen a fire before which is true, I have never
been burned by another person before because how could I
possibly let someone inside of me that way?
our hands touched and I instantley knew that you owned every single
part of me, including my wrecked and aching soul that could only seem
to see that you were the one for me and we took a chance that some are
afraid to take, and we were too, but we took this chance on us because
we could see that something was there, something called love was there
and I've never felt so beautiful in my entire life, you have loved me time
after time and have showed me how this horrible world isn't so horrible,
it is actually quite beautiful in a way, but you have showed me
that life isn't just about grades and being touched by
someone who doesn't burn your very being
but that this life is about the love that
you can hear in the middle of the
night when you are starting to
fall asleep and the smell of
her hair when you are
telling her you will
love her forever.

The waves break onshore
As does my heart crash and pour
For your love once more

.
     ...is a fragile little thing,
     that most tend to overlook.
     Small word with a **** big meaning.
     Some may uphold it; some may
     conveniently have it mistook...

Trust...
     ...is in the grasp of the unknown
     stranger,
     that helps you up when you've fallen
     down.

Trust...
     ...is the pact between you and the cab
     driver,
     as he takes you to where you want to
     be, across town.

Trust...
     ...the bough on which your swing does
     sit.
     Pray that it doesn't break as you enjoy
     its joyous ride.

Trust...
     ...your cook, hoping in your food he
     doesn't spit...
     Especially when you've provided
     feedback that scuffed his pride.

Trust...
     ...lays exposed when the keys to your
     house you surrender,
     to your neighbour who'd keep an eye
     while you're away on a retreat.

Trust...
     ...exists latent in the open palm of your
     caregiver...
     As a child you'd take his hand so he'd
     ferry you safely across the street.

Trust...
     ...is the unspoken oath that I had thought
     we both held sacred...
     When I spilled the contents, my heart
     couldn't bear much longer.

Trust...
     ...meant nothing when you took it all for
     granted,
     when you weakened and succumbed...
     ...and then shared with another...