I am the duffer,
In the realm of intellect,
Endlessly burdened.
I am the duffer,
A murmur
I caught it from society's lips,
softly whispering,
Echoing in my ears,
I am the duffer.
On the workplace,
Fulfilling my obligations,
My colleagues surrounded me,
Murmuring, "The boss knows,
This man is a duffer."
I sensed, through
Glances and gestures,
what they implied,
I am the duffer.
I pondered the trees,
Wondering why they exist,
What purpose they serve;
They proclaimed clearly,
In the fresh air,
But I couldn't grasp it,
As I know,
I am the duffer.
The universe speaks a language,
Communicating with all,
Yet I remain lost,
For I don’t understand
Because, I am the duffer.
The flowers sing sweetly,
The birds  twirl and sway,
The monkeys play games among the trees,
But I can’t decipher it,
Because,
I am a duffer.

i’m addicted to the intimacy of closeness,
but i detest the limitations of closeness.

i’m addicted to the freedom of openness,
but i detest the infinity of openness.

As I feel asleep
After a stressful
Coffee feel day
I find that I see mushroom clouds in the distance
An omen of
What is  going on
This impending war
This impending hatred towards our fellow man
This empending genocide
This I will not stand for
I have has these prophecies
Of this
Since age 14
Now it 13 years later
Or so i still
Receive
Mushroom clouds in the distance
Like evil psychedelic shrooms that
Are from hell!
What we need is more security
More love for each other

my mom makes me leave my door open
she doesn’t like it when I lock my it shut
if I do that she knocks gently
telling me to open the door with a very worried tone in her voice
unlike my dad who bangs on my door
as if he is a robber trying to steal a car
I’m now counting down the days till I see a big dent on my door because of him
he slams my door without an alibi
telling me to open the door so he can send me off to do an errand for him
while my mom does have an alibi
when I leave my room door open
my mom will poke her head out
time after time again to check on me
making sure that I haven’t turned myself into a funeral photo that she’ll soak her tears into
crying for answers that she’ll never receive
wondering what she’s has done wrong to make me remove myself from our family legacy for eternity
but that’s not the case
because she didn’t did anything wrong
so I’m ok with having my door left open
because I want her to know that
even if I want to erase my existence at times
I’m still here

You have crafted my heart into the finest shape that only fits in your hands .
You have designed my dreams into the most beautiful dreams that even when I am awake I am a sleep.

You are building my life into a wonderland maze  that only you have  the map that guides me .
You have coloured my sky and painted the sun so each morning I wake it shines next to me .

You have melted the bars and broke the chains of the prison I kept my self in .
You have build the stairs all the way to the sky rock by rock with your bare strong hands .

You have pictured our home , a life and our kids and hanged it on my wall .
You drew our love with the finest lines , with gentle touch for it never to be erased .


03.04.2017

e.m