Think yourself to death
Take every word
Twist it
Change it
Until it haunts you
Every breath
Now has a meaning
That nobody intended
Punish yourself by overthinking
Every conversation
Every look
Nothing can remain happy for long
Because I am so good at this
Taking kind words
Turning them dark
I wish I could stop
But you can’t
I won’t let you
You won’t let yourself
Can’t you just be happy for once
Can’t you just let it go
Not everyone hates you
You can’t convince yourself of that
But I can
All words can be twisted in my mind
Turned into knots
Hangman’s knots
And tied around my neck
A noose of my own making
I think myself to death

I love you with all my heart
not the wild, raging, complicated love
That consumes and devours
The calm and peaceful love
That warms and empowers
You have never toyed with me
Never delighted in my pain
You will never allow me to cry for long
Before you make me smile again
I cannot help the little grin
That creeps onto my face
When I hear your childish laugh echo
Into my dark little hiding place
You protect me from my darkest thoughts
Fight them off with your childish light
And although they try to get at me
You will not give up the fight
Your smile is so infectious
It forces mine to show itself
You tell a joke at my expense
And I will laugh at that as well
It is not within your nature
To behave with simple care
I know that my tears are foreign to you
And your bright eyes are looking scared
But you try your best to care for me
And I know that this is hard
But you are doing oh so well at it
And you haven’t quit so far
You might think this is a love poem
And that is almost certainly true
But not the complicated, miserable kind
It’s only smiles I get from you

Daggers from ones you love
Are buried so much deeper
Their edges sharpened
Because they are not often brandished
Not like the blunt wooden spears
Of the permanently cruel
Not that they don’t hurt
But when someone you love
Takes their dagger from their belt
And holds it with a darkened smile
Never breaking eye contact
They won’t look away
They are no coward
They raise the blade above their head
For they need all of their power
And they aim it in a brutal place
In the most painful place
The place you held them in
They plunge their knife into your heart

I don’t want you
Can’t you see that
Can’t you leave me alone
Because when you aren’t here
I can ignore every part of me
That’s screaming I still want you
So just stay away now
Please
Why do you have to tempt me
With your devil smile
And your wicked tricks
Don’t draw me near
Just to push me away again
Because I don’t want to want you
Anymore
I hate you with every part of me
Everything that I am
Hates you
And what you did to me
And I wish you would keep away
So I wouldn’t have to hate myself
Wouldn’t have to hate every part of me
That longs for you
Still
Keep away wicked man
Keep away from my fragile heart

Why do you weep so
What is it you mourn this time
What shred of innocence
Has been taken from you now
Why do you hide so
What is it you fear this time
What terror that haunts you
Keeps you from your sleep
Why do you bleed so
What is it has cut you this time
What dagger has struck you
And wielded by whom
Why do you scream so
Who grips at your neck
What darkness prevents your breathing
And where has it risen from now
How can I help you
How can you ever hope to be free
What thing could save you
From the ghosts of your past

I will be strong without you
For I can mourn your loss no more
Though this time it is truth
Not my own demons like before
Before you leave forever
I would ask you do one more thing
Sit by my side once more
And I will spill my darkness from within
But this time I do not want for you
Though I want you all the same
The feelings that are drowning me
Are too complex to be named
I hold my breath to fight the pain
Or at least to fight the tears
That threaten to consume me
As I fall in a whirlpool of my fears
So before you leave for good this time
I beg you sit by my side
Talk to me as we once did
And allow me to say goodbye

It forever walks behind me
It is always at my side
And even if I wanted to
There is no where that I can hide
It follows in my footsteps
Watching every move that I make
It’s there for all my happiness
But witnesses all my mistakes
It holds my hand when it is needed
It will never leave me be
But even when I wish to be alone
It will not take leave of me
When fear grips at my beating heart
And my eyes are filled with tears
It will grip me tight and hold me fast
Until my path is crystal clear
As I stumble down a hazy road
And try to keep from falling
And brush off all the little bugs
And try to stop my skin from crawling
No matter how I plead with it
It seems you cannot see
No matter how I beg of it
It will not let me be
So perhaps I must succumb to love
And accept that I cannot be rid of it
So I will have to carry on anyway
And maybe it will be for my benefit
So I will not ****** my hand away
And there is nothing to be scared of
Because I know it will be there for me
My precious shadow that is called love