It forever walks behind me
It is always at my side
And even if I wanted to
There is no where that I can hide
It follows in my footsteps
Watching every move that I make
It’s there for all my happiness
But witnesses all my mistakes
It holds my hand when it is needed
It will never leave me be
But even when I wish to be alone
It will not take leave of me
When fear grips at my beating heart
And my eyes are filled with tears
It will grip me tight and hold me fast
Until my path is crystal clear
As I stumble down a hazy road
And try to keep from falling
And brush off all the little bugs
And try to stop my skin from crawling
No matter how I plead with it
It seems you cannot see
No matter how I beg of it
It will not let me be
So perhaps I must succumb to love
And accept that I cannot be rid of it
So I will have to carry on anyway
And maybe it will be for my benefit
So I will not ****** my hand away
And there is nothing to be scared of
Because I know it will be there for me
My precious shadow that is called love

I’m really ****** up you know
Sometimes I just think about that
I’ve spent so much time in the dark
Surrounded by nothing but my own demons
And everything I feared
I went mad
Not the crazy, shrieking type of mad
The quiet type of mad
The one that stares blankly
When inside their heads all they hear is screaming

I’m really ****** up you know
I spent so much time being punished
For no reason
Just because it was the will of the wicked
And so I came to expect it
And I became so **** afraid

I’m really ****** up you know
It’s like I’m drowning oh so slowly
I gasp for breathe and I think I can survive
But the next wave comes and pulls me under
And I am surrounded by all the water that suffocated me before
So I’m sorry if I cry
And you just can’t understand why I’m so afraid
Because you don’t know
You can’t imagine what I am

I’m really ****** up you know
So when you hear my story
When I trust you with my pain
Don’t look at me and wonder why I dig my nails into my palm
Don’t wonder why my knuckles are ****** and bruised
Because you don’t understand
Pain is my only constant
The only thing that hasn’t left me

I’m really ****** up you know
But I’m not destroyed
Because although I have suffered every punishment that the world could throw
I’m still here
I hope you realised what that means
I hope you know how much easier it would have been to give up and fade away
And how tempted I was
Because I wasn’t strong
And I just couldn’t cope with a constant onslaught of loneliness and misery

I’m really ****** up you know
But when you see me smile
Don’t doubt my story
But weep with joy for me
Because the simple smile that you see is nothing short of a miracle
And if you could see everything I have been through
You would know how ****** up I am
But you would be surprised that I’m alive
And you might even say
That I deserve to smile

If I told you my story would you listen
Or would you wince at my words
Would you put your fingers in your ears
As I told you where it hurt
Would you take my hands and look at me
Look deep into my eyes
And stem the pain I have suffered
Tell me I’ve had enough goodbyes
That you intend to stay with me
And take away my pain
And wash away those memories
And make me young again
Would you cry as I told the story
Of everything I have been through
Or would you just stay with me
So the only thing still strong was you
As I finished up my mournful song
Would you say you loved me still
Or would you never see me again
Just the girl that pain has killed
But this will never ever happen
I will never let it be
Because no one else will hear this
The only one who will suffer is me

It hurts
Every time I take a step
It burns
But I’m not giving up get
I smile
But inside I am screaming
I laugh
But I hope that I’m dreaming
This dream is a nightmare
And now I’m inside
Trapped in my head
And there’s nowhere to hide
I still keep on trying
Everyday
But this pain is working
To take me away
Pounding and pounding
At the gates of my mind
Telling me constantly
I can’t leave it behind
But please believe that I’m trying
With all that I know
You need to trust me
I’m not ready to go
It’s getting hard to breathe now
But I won’t tell you a thing
Because the only thing I still know
Is that I won’t let it win

When I was young
I had you
We had each other
For everything we’d do
We did what we wanted
And we knew we were free
And everyone knew
What you were to me
We smiled at the moon
And laughed at the stars
And we climbed up that hill
And counted the cars
Then we ran all the way down
And we screamed in delight
And nothing could stop us
Not by day or by night
But now we are older
And look where we are
I still have you
But we have travelled so far
We aren’t happy now
We aren’t free anymore
we aren’t little girls
We aren’t young like before
We grew up too quickly
And we need each other again
We’ll never be the same
The little girls we were then

A cup in one hand
My pen in the other
I can start to move on
And I heal myself further
With the help of a man
not the one I need
But maybe he is exactly
What I need him to be
Kind and caring
With a glint in his eye
Not giving a ****
As the people pass by
An endless ability
To take away my pain
to drag me from the darkness
And make me smile again
It’s not the same love I feel
But it’s almost as strong
Maybe this is how it should have been
What I needed all along
Just a person to talk to
To take away my fear
To listen to my sadness
And share with me a tear
I don’t need him anymore
The man I yearned for all that time
I can honestly say I wouldn’t care
If he never would be mine
Because I found a friend In all this war
I found another man
Who helped me want to live again
And showed me that I can

I’m tired of living
For everyone but me
I’m tired of being
What you need me to be
I’m tired of helping
Everyone but myself
Tired of trying
To live for everyone else
But I can try to be happy
And I can try to be me
To become that girl
That I hope that you see
Because I have so much to live for
And so much I can do
And I’m tired of knowing
That I’m doing all this for you
Although you may love me
Which you know means a lot
You can’t force me to become
A person I’m not
I’m dark but I’m happy
I’m cold but I smile
So just listen to my voice
And I’ll stay here a while
I know that you saved me
I will never forget
But I need to live for me now
And I haven’t started yet