There are six posters on one wall
And nothing on the other three
There are four blankets on the bed
Two pillows but not one sheet
About fifty books on the shelf
Only half of them read
Plastic bottles in a plastic bag
I can’t bear to throw them away
All the movies are shoved in the corner
Along with the motivation I used to have
I keep the records next to my bed
Because I like to sleep near the things I love
And whenever I’m tired of the clothes I wear
I can just shut the closet door

It made me
Sick.

The kind of sick
That books describe
As green,
Ghostly skinned
With red rust noses.

Sick to my stomach
Like when you wake up
At 2:00 AM
And realize that
Something
Is
Not
Right
Before you sprint
Down the hall
To the bathroom
And ***** pizza bagels into the
Pristine marble sink.

It made me sick like
When it gets so bad that
Blowing your nose hurts
Because the extra soft Kleenex
Have scratched your skin raw
Over
And
Over
Again.

It made me sick
When I realized
That it wasn't you that I loved
But the feeling of being loved.

You broke my walls down
And I let you.
But now my roof is crashing down too,
Because that was your escape route.

The shy thing
It's like a double edged sword
I mean yeah it's cute
At times
But it keeps things from happening
How do you get past the unnerving moments
When you want to manifest your feelings
In outward actions
Because no one can see into your mind
Unless you bring your mind to them
But the shyness is like a roadblock
So treat it as such
And break through it

I never heard her say "I love you"
But I did hear her say
"Wake up. Breakfast is ready."
"Here's some extra money."
"Make sure you bring an umbrella today."
"Buckle your seat belt."
"Did you do your homework?"
"I saved a seat for you."
"Be home by ten."
"Are you okay?"

Truthfully
I can say that
I feel love
Not because I hear it
But because I see it.

If you let me,
I would kiss you like
we were airport lovers.
The right people who
met at the wrong time.
Because I know you will
constantly be taking flight,
while I stay so heavily grounded
to this place.