I want to die
But I can not right now
It’s scary and forever
But it is sounding so nice
It’s overwhelming and
I feel frustration
On a daily rotation
I cry and complain
You're always there for me
I feel like I am emotionally
Draining to you my dear
I want to not feel this way
But everything feels not ok
Please take away this feeling
Because I feel way too much
It is like I am always overfilling
Emotions always cloud my day
I get stressed and I can not focus
On really anything or anyone that matters
I feel selfish and annoying and rude
I can not help it and I am sorry
I feel useless and I want out
I want to not exist but also have a happy
oh so happy life.
Please fix me, please save me,
I’m so scared without you.
It makes me sad that I can’t seem to find a way.
The entrance even seems so far a way
Each door a new beginning or an end to one.
I can not help but feel like there’s not a single one
A single one, worth the trek.
Sometimes I just feel like a wreck.
You always trusted that adult
With life figured out.
As you got older
You became that adult
With nothing figured out
Time passes by
And does not wait.
Patiently you care
When we met in math,
All we could do was
Smile and laugh
Years to come
We still share laughs
Silliness and seriousness
Forever we will last.
The tides thrash violently
With quick indecisiveness,
Incoherently teetering with
The storm cleaves through
Swiftly and unremitting.
Wavering into tranquility.
Calm and serene
Still water under a tentative sun,
Decidedly not blue.
Fictitious placid waters,
Hide a tumultuous storm brewing.
A country in turmoil and change;
A change that has been reverently waiting.
A quiet loud that has been crying,
Patiently waiting to unfurl their black wings.
For allies to hear, really hear:
Cries of decades of oppression.
It is time to break the chains,
Stand tall together,
And tell stories that need to be told.
Raise up, condemn this racist past and demand equality;
Because black lives matter.
I am scared and want to say why,
But you will not hear or even listen.
You have made your decision,
Even counting all the broken promises.
I want to help and say I love you;
But I can not help on a loop,
Especially if you will not accept it.
Please just see all I want is you back.
I need to take a step away,
I am exhausted and will not fight.
Mom please just come back.
I’m tired, so so tired.