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i told her,
“it’s not an eating disorder,
it’s just how i feel.”

but how do i explain
the emptiness that fills me
when i skip a meal,
or the way my stomach twists
like it knows i haven’t earned the right
to be full?

i told her,
“it’s just how i feel,”
but deep down,
i wonder if feelings
can ruin you too.
i told my friend that i feel like i’m only allowed to eat dinner when i go to swim practice and work hard. she said that it’s an eating disorder. i said no, “it’s just how i feel”
Our stomachs weren't made to be flat
They were made to keep our food

Our arms weren't made to be thin
They were made to hold the ones we love

Our noses weren't made to be small and cute
They were made to smell the world

Our thighs weren't made be skinny
They were made to help us walk

Your body is being a body
Thats what it's supposed to do
I need to remind myself that
I think so do you
Looked in the mirror last night right after my shower and thought of this.

(This note is written by the mirror you dropped and broke but didn't give you bad luck for seven years. People drop things ometimes, it's okay.)
Nightfall waits to strike.
Waits to kick you when you're down.
It comes like a army, screams and yells and pain.
Thrashing.
Never stopping to breathe.

Panic Attack.
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So scared all my life

Anger turned into an art

Don't have to fly kick

To fly again
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Stop trying to delay the inevitable, dear
it's called that for a reason.
if this is what reality feels like
i don't want to be real
Lie down, soldier, lie down
Let the field lull you
You will become a spirit here
You will protect the land
And never leave descendants in evil.

Fly, soldier, fly:
You are free in heaven forever
Appear in thoughts, sanctify our will
And all of us, so just sever.

Let them fly, soldier
Songs in the abyss to you -
let them sound more bolder
let them tell what is true.

Lie down, soldier, sleep,
May you dream of well-being.

Happy and free
Fly with the gods
May you sleep happily.
Your hand, grasped tightly
With the promise to never let go.

You kept your promise.
But I came to realize that your grasp was too tight
Too suffocating
Not right.

I commend you for keeping your word,
And I fault you for my wounds.

For it was you,
You with the razor stuck to your palm,
Blade facing out.

You who would graze it across thighs and
Cut
Them
Up
Into
pieces.

Cut
Me
Up
Into
Pieces -
Fragments -
Nothing.

You kept your promise.
But it hurt to hold on, the blade pressing against my hand
And cutting deep deep into the flesh.

And so I was the one who had to break the bond,
The promise,
And let go.

Still I itch and pick at the wounds that contain the memories of you;
Of the promises I broke,
And the scars you left behind.
Toxic friends **** guys
do you ever feel like the weight of a word
is heavier when it’s whispered?
like lowercase letters carry
all the fragility of a breaking heart,
soft and unsteady,
afraid to be seen but desperate
to be heard?
sometimes i write like this,
as if quiet will make it easier
to be brave.
manipulate me,
hold me in your arms—
‘i’ve got you,’ you say.

a moment later,
you take my arms,
slice away my flesh,
‘i’ll be back tomorrow.’

please do.
i can’t live without you.
my eyes see nothing,
nothing but you.

your arms, the same that
once cradled me,
have become knives.

the sun rises again,
my warmth
is it gone?
oh well
please come back?
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