I guess I won that stupid fight of "I love you more."

can be a difficulty, having

to say that we do not know.

that we have to count, check,

count again.

that we get distracted, disturbed,

by other matters, come back,

miscount.

it is not some thing we can google,

so we have lists, lines and rulers.

when all is done, we sign and date

the work away.

then start again.

sbm.

One by one, like leaves from a tree,
All my faiths have forsaken me;
But the stars above my head
Burn in white and delicate red,
And beneath my feet the earth
Brings the sturdy grass to birth.
I who was content to be
But a silken-singing tree,
But a rustle of delight
In the wistful heart of night—
I have lost the leaves that knew
Touch of rain and weight of dew.
Blinded by a leafy crown
I looked neither up nor down—
But the little leaves that die
Have left me room to see the sky;
Now for the first time I know
Stars above and earth below.

Your death was an easy escape.
You drank the depths of your despair
And drowned.
Not brave enough to be called suicide,
Doubt you even intended to die.
I care little.
Though so did you it seemed -
Not only for yourself
But for the lives in your hands
Of strangers and your own creations.
Depressed they said,
drugged up;
My sympathies
Have boundaries.

You latched onto innocent bystanders,
Tied ropes to their legs and locked them to yours.
A lead weight,
As you drifted to your demise.
Your lungs went dry and your eyes went blind,
Never to face
The consequence
Of all you left behind.
You did not watch as they struggled to stay afloat,
But I,
With my pure and petrified eyes,
I watched as they almost drowned.
Pulled down with your worthless body,
Helpless to set them free.
My hands were too tiny to untie ropes that you burned into skin.

The hate runs deep in the water,
and the ripples are forever carved in cement,
So how can you be granted forgiveness
When you’re not even here to repent?
What you did was ******.
You stole lives,
And left lives,
Now forever tied
To the weight of your careless mistakes.

All these pent up frustrations,
Banging on my insides,
Playing their anthems on my bones,
Waving a flag for news of the fallen,
Take back my morals,
Return me to my bed,
I'd trade my soul for pocket change,
Sick of the tongues knotted in nooses,
Tired of the silence used and useless,
These pens done gone and run out on me,
Dried themselves of all that is left,
So slit my wrists and write with blood,
Because that's all this really is anyways

It was peaceful last night..I got on a bus, so happy about where we were going. Thinking of beautiful islands, ships, and little drink umbrellas, When I was informed by a holy man that you had died.

To my surprise I felt no pain from this, no never ending stream of tears to drown out my loss and make it whole, as though a single one shed could toss me from the outskirts of acceptance.

Seconds passed, this I know, then minutes, maybe hours before I dared to move again. When the bus screeched to a halt, the man who had told me, he said we arrived.

I simply reached in my pocket, grabbed my old phone, and told him I'd get off at the next spot. With a sigh of compassion, he said he understood, and I stayed quiet there, for long minutes of thought.

Then finally, what had been weighing so heavy on my mind had moved to my lips, and I couldn't bare the strain of silence anymore. Without thought or control I yelled, "How could you know?!"

The man smiled at me apologetically and said she went to his church. This had only left me outraged, as my mind was met with even more questions. Until he finally told me to check my phone.

Confused and angry, I nearly smashed the thing in protest of the entire affair. But the man could see this, and stayed my hand. He gave a warm smile, and told me that all would be clear after I read the messages.

Then for a moment, my senses returned and I took the man's word for truth. I looked at my phone, away from the games I had up to distract, and saw their, that my inbox read "2."

I paused for a moment, unsure of what to trust, or maybe to do, and hovered my finger over the keys. I wanted to move forward, I wanted to press on, but I knew I'd have to accept whatever I saw as truth, and for a moment the temptation was there to reject the affair and hit "delete" as a fool.

But try as I did, I couldn't bring myself to do it. To wipe away, what I knew could be your last words to me, any memories I could hold to in these defining moments.

So I pressed the button, to see the messages there. The first I read slowly, a note which read so sweetly as to say goodbye. It held your favorite slang, like a casual conversation. And had sections name by name, addressed to every person.

First your mother, then your father, then your brother, and sister too. Every name you had addressed, they loved you through and through. And when I read, your words aloud, it was clear that this you knew. But could not bare the thought of how, we'd all be missing you.

I read the words, line by line, and your sweet words rang true. I tried my best, but could not find, my last words from you.

Then I realized, that you had left a second note for me to read. Addressed to me in so tender a tone, that my heart did skip a beat.

I read the words and dropped my phone, I couldn't seem to move. I tried my best to thank the man through the tears that I was weeping. But he simply smiled and held up his hand, as his eyes followed suit.