It’s pounding like a drum.
When I’m not with you, I feel numb.
The hole in my heart is usually wide.
But it’s smaller, now that you’re by my side.
Some memories, I just want to bury.
And yet, when I’m with you, everything is new and scary.
My heart skips a beat when you reply.
What I wouldn’t give to just say “hi.”
Without feeling dumb.
When I miss something up, I feel like ****.
Sometimes, I don’t even know what to do.
But in the end, I still love you.

An image.
I look at it from time to time.
It was birthed from nothingness.
I remember those old photos. The ones that developed after some time.
You shook them and they—
It’s beautiful, isn’t it?
A perfect representation of triumph and ambition and strength.
All rolled into one still frame.
It’s unmoving, yet it conveys so much.
It’s powerful, even now, invoking emotions within me I haven’t felt before.
Pride. Determination.
Love.
And then, I realize I’m crying.
Because…I see those things when I look at you.
Are you that portrait? That display of strength?
It doesn’t matter. I…still remember when you wrapped your arms around me.
You become something else in that moment.
A display of…passion. Guardianship. Amorous.
That moment. I can’t shake it.
It’s encapsulated in my mind.

Is it weird
To miss someone
You’ve never met?

In school, you're always asked the typical question
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
What if you don't know the answer?
How are you supposed to find out what you want to do?

Sure, you could go to college and find out then
But then there's the fear of student loans and costs
Then they ask, "why don't you get a job?"
Easy for you to say, I don't know where to start.

No social skills, no experience doing anything.
And you fear being exploited or mistreated cause of your quirks.
So then you just do nothing, and let your ability to write fade
The one apparent thing you were good at. As if.

So then you wallow away at home
And it's convenient cause of what's going on right now
But what happens when all this is over? Then what?
Do you just continue to engage in sloth?

You'll rot away doing nothing
Wasting your time on stupid games and special interests
Get off your ******* *** and do something with yourself
Go out and be a productive member of society

Get a job and make the rich richer
And watch as any optimism you thought you had crumbles
Whatever it takes to get those thoughts in your head to stop
The constant thoughts that you amount to nothing

Hey, dummy.  
I have this feeling in my tummy.  
It feels weird, like a constant pang.  
A rhythmic sound in my head, sounding like a bang.  
A constant echoing.  
That just keeps bellowing.

I’ve always liked you, you know.  
Or maybe you don’t, considering you never show  
When I want to go to all these places  
I swear there’s a crack between the spaces  
In my mind  
Every request I shot your way, you declined.  
It hurts, it hurts so bad  
How did I end up feeling this sad?  
Day after day, week after week  
I can’t help but feel more bleak

I want to confess, I really do.  
But I don’t know if you’ll feel the same way too.  
Every day, when we hang out  
You just want to do your own thing; it feels me with doubt  


Whatever, you dummy!  
Who cares if I’m feeling more and more crummy?  
It doesn’t matter, right? My feelings don’t mean anything.  
But then again, I can’t help but feel you’re my everything.  
I want to tell you how I feel.  
But…are my feelings even real?  
I can’t think! I can’t decide!  
Why am I still crying inside?

I can’t let you see.  
What’s really inside me.  
All this pain, it belongs in here  
Along with all of these moments I hold dear.  
I cherish my time with you.  
Sometimes, I’m wondering if my feelings are true.  
I’m tired of feeling this way  
But I just can’t let you walk away.  
If I tell you the truth, what will become of us?  
Will you just leave me to turn to dust?  

Ugh! I can’t make up my mind!  
Am I dense or am I just blind?  
The truth is here, right in front of me!  
Then why can’t I just let my feelings be?  
What am I afraid of?  
Am I afraid of rejection or love?  
I don’t know, the clouds in my head are swirling.  
This pain in my heart…it just keeps burning.  
I have to do something to make this stop.  
I might as well just let the truth drop.