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StrangeFruit Jun 2018
There will come a time where I will be placed in the ground. My past, my present, and my future will vanish. I will only live on in the memories of people who have known me. And once their time has come I will cease to exist.
StrangeFruit Jun 2018
Let this be my escape
My attempt at freedom
The opening of my own dawn
My start at something new
Something more
The unleashing of my inner thoughts and questions
Let this be me
And me alone
StrangeFruit Jan 2019
They watch me
Endlessly
As if the the bars on the door will suddenly dissipate due to my extreme will power for them to vanish
I stare back at them wondering
Am I a problem to them or a person?
Someone who is invading their time and space
Or a human being with feelings and trauma who needs help
They treat me like the former
I want to tell them that it doesn't matter
That they can treat me however they choose
But the words never come out
The constant drug cloud I am under suffocates anything that dares to cross my lips
Why can't I say that I'm not here anymore
That I don't know who I am anymore
Why cant I say that all that's left in me is a built up scream that is struggling to get out
StrangeFruit Jun 2018
I walk around and I make you laugh.
I dance around and I make you smile.
I tell my jokes and I do my tricks.
Yet still you look over the tears of a clown.
StrangeFruit Jun 2018
Held back by this fear
I am unable to hear
Your voice calling
I can feel myself falling
There's a yearning inside
That's getting harder to hide
So allow me to see
So that i can be set free
From this fear of mine
So with the rest of my time
I can see clear
What You want me to do from here
StrangeFruit Mar 2017
I have nothing to bring but these empty hands.
My eyes can't see and my legs can't stand.
My heart stumbles on things I don't know.
And my life feels like it's just another show.
If you understand this then you understand me.
I cannot guide others if I am unable to see.
StrangeFruit Mar 2017
Stuck in this world where I don't belong
Praying to God I won't have to stay here too long
I can feel you crawling under my skin
While I'm going through these endless circles
Running from you again
Every time I try and open my eyes to see
This broken world blinds me

I was never mean't to belong here
Where broken promises lie
Set me free from this misery
Give back my wings so I can fly
I was never mean't to belong here
So at times I want to cry
I need your grace and I'm starving for your mercy
Don't leave me here to die
StrangeFruit Jun 2018
To step out from among those who are not willing.
To stand up for those who are not able.
To speak loud when everyone else is mute.
My fears or my future?
StrangeFruit Jun 2018
Fake mask out front for the world to see
Next comes a wall of insecurities
Not to far is my desire to be perfect
Even when I know it's not worth it
Underneath is a presence of depression and anxiety
That only leaves me standing somewhere silently
In the midst of it all is a heart
That's been way too big from the start
StrangeFruit Jan 2019
You make me want to write love letters till I fall asleep
So I do
And I love to see your face bloom with my thoughts of you
I write the love you make me feel
You tell me those words help you heal
So i'm never going to stop this newfound tradition
Keeping your love will be my life's mission.
StrangeFruit Jan 2019
I promised not to fall
So you held on tightly
Your arms always wrapped around me
You could have been my armor then
I though I was sturdy
I wanted to be strong
But I felt my knees giving way to my surroundings
I felt my feet blistering from the paths I've chosen
I knew I was going down
I knew I needed to tell you
So you could land on your feet
But my mouth couldn't open
Until the ground was right in front of us
StrangeFruit Feb 2019
Every time we speak I feel so strong at the start
Like I'm fine now
Like I don't feel the butterflies waking up
Like I can't feel my heart beating a little faster every second
Like I don't know that the more we speak the weaker I'll get
Until I'm on the floor waiting on your every word
StrangeFruit Jan 2019
Your love comes with pain

Beaten purple and blue

The feelings of life

The colors of you

Red is a constant

You call it your clever hue

Yellow is the one i'm waiting for

One day I hope it makes a breakthrough
StrangeFruit Jun 2018
Take off your mask and let me see.
Who you are and who you want to be.
Hidden behind your anger and sadness.
I can't see you when you stand in the blackness.
So when the light comes don't cringe away.
Let it cleanse the pain in your heart that was never meant to stay.
StrangeFruit Jun 2018
I can't find you
My only option is to wait
I only see you in my dreams
That causes me to stay up late
Because seeing you is painful
A reminder that our love was great
But that love is gone
The only thing left in it's place is hate
Hatred for the fact that we couldn't be together
Why did I ever believe in fate?
StrangeFruit Jan 2019
My heart wanders as if I'm free to roam the world with no restrictions. But I see the walls. I know I'm stuck. I'm trapped and i know that in my mind. It just hasn't broken through to my heart. Because even with the drugs it's so hard to confine a heart that knows it was always meant to be free.
One
StrangeFruit Jan 2019
One
We started to blend together
Our colors bleed into each other as this life's water rinses the pain between us
I don't know where I end or where you begin
But I know I'm where I want to be
Twisted and tangled within this kaleidoscope of our combined chaos and joy
I will be forever pleading that we never forget this feeling
We are one in the same
StrangeFruit Feb 2019
The first thing that registers is the warmth
The feeling of it on my hands
It's revitalizing
Like a cure
Spreading through my veins
Bringing dead cells back to life
Then the color
I was never able to imagine the red sea
But now it is in front of me
Spilling and spewing
From...you
Now there is only you
What to do with you?
StrangeFruit Feb 2019
I'm standing now
In the corner of all places
I'm trying to remember walking here
My hands are shaking
I can't explain why
I haven't felt this calm in...well ever
Its the silence
As if it is it's own entity
It has created a serene and tranquil atmosphere around me
Now that I look around it seems I've done some cleaning too
The sea is gone
But you are still there
Your hair is darker
I guess you went for a swim
It looks nice on you
StrangeFruit Feb 2019
I never imagined you
to be this heavy
I thought I was stronger
I also thought you would be lighter
Guess I'm wrong on both counts
To think once we die we would be lighter
Since nothing of this world is weighing us down anymore
Unless...you just leave it all behind
The pain, anger, sadness, heartbreak
All of that stays here
Where it should be
That must be why you are so heavy now
You are still dumping all your problems on me even after you are gone
StrangeFruit Feb 2019
I shovel the last lump of dirt into place
I thought once you were buried
I would feel...something
Happy
Maybe even free
But I feel nothing
Nothing is a constant for me
but now
you and I are the same
Hollow inside
Your soul has departed from this world
And mine
well I'm not sure I ever had one to begin with
StrangeFruit Feb 2019
I thought it was over
Done with
The feelings
The urges
They are still here
I thought it was only for you
I thought I only needed to get rid of you
With you gone the fighting is over
I never have to pretend to not see the bruises again
She is smiling now
But you have a friend
Actually you might not know him but you are the same
And she is the same
I think i have to help her too
I will make her smile again
#t
StrangeFruit Jun 2017
Roads are ahead
Filled with so many thoughts and questions
My emotions are dead
Doubt creeps in at every turn
I Listen to the seductive logic
Will I ever learn?

Auto pilot kicks in
Walking, eating, breathing
All second nature to sin
Eyes open again
I try to find the right path
Not wanting to go down one like the last
However, choosing the right one is equivalent to complicated math

Show me Your footsteps so that I can follow
Don't allow my heart to become more hollow
Open my eyes and my soul to see You
I'm begging for Your mercy
Because I'm restless walking to the road You're leading me to.
StrangeFruit Feb 2017
I saw this beautiful soul drifting towards me.
She was carried by the waves of life to my lonely island.
I embraced her with open arms.
My solitude had gone on for far too long.
I think hers had too.
Opening up and letting her in was one of the hardest parts.
Yet it came so easily.
My heart formed words so fast that my mind didn't have time to comprehend all that I told her.
She accepted everything I said with no signs of judgement.
I listened to every word she was willing to share with me.
I heard all of the happiness as well as all of the pain.
And I loved the person I saw within her.
I'm still a prisoner of my own mind.
Trapped behind these walls that I have built.
But I was ready for someone to see me.
And my heart chose her.
StrangeFruit Jan 2019
You look at me. Waiting for me to spill. Waiting for my heart to overflow. Waiting for everything you want me to say to come tumbling out of my mouth.
But I never will. I never will tell you that I think about you constantly. I never will tell you that I want to s]pend everyday with you. I never will tell you that when you look at me I want to give you everything. I never will tell you that you are my everything.
Because you are taken. When you go home you have someone. But, for me, I have no one.
So I will wait. I will wait for you to spill. I will wait for your heart to overflow. I will wait for everything I want you to say to come tumbling out of your mouth.
StrangeFruit Jun 2018
You have built walls around you. Each with different names and different sets of problems to go with them. But your walls are made of glass! No one can see them except you. So let them fall down! Embrace the fear and nerves that come with that. But know that those nerves and that fear will soon turn into confidence. Then you can live your life free! With nothing stopping you from doing what you were called to do.
StrangeFruit Jan 2019
Going down these turning roads she tried to release her painful loads. Faces passed her in a blur, she starred straight not causing a stir. While trying to leave by walking away from all the pain of yesterday.

On her journey she went through trials. Most of them lasting for many miles. In her heart anger and sadness brewed, wishing she could walk in someone else's shoes.

Then one day with a start she realizes she must depart. From all the anger and sadness inside and with this realization she broke down and cried. While trying to leave by walking away from all the pain of yesterday.

Looking back she remembers many things. Seeing all the memories hanging by strings. But now she is grateful for the pain and strife that she went through in her life. While trying to leave by walking away from all the pain of yesterday.
StrangeFruit Jun 2018
I try to close off the world around me
But it's hard
I try to see myself the way you see me
But it's hard
I try to live my life the way you lived yours
But it's hard
Just tell me when does it get easy?
StrangeFruit Jan 2019
If distance was measured by words our silence would stretch on for miles. If time was measured by suffering our pain will last for centuries. But if life is measured by our love we will live on through them all.
StrangeFruit Jan 2019
I wish we would have stopped at hello
I wish we would have stuck with the what ifs
The unknown
I wish we didn't know what we could mean to each other
I wish we didn't know what our love feels like
I wish we could be together
But that is a hangover from an extinct reality
StrangeFruit Jan 2019
There has not yet been a string of letters strung together in a way to express the deepest repressions of my mind.
I have not yet felt an emotion strong enough to make my life feel as if its worth the amount of effort i put into it.
Nor have I met a person who is able to recognize the sparkle in my eyes as my depression and anger's warning signs of implosion.
StrangeFruit Jun 2018
If I cut open your chest
What would your heart say?

Are you afraid to speak?
Or does your mind ache

I see fear in your eyes
But what does your soul pray?
StrangeFruit Jan 2019
I'll wear this noose you gave me like a necklace. I'll embrace this pain you left me with like the love I wish you could have given. I will not break under the constant weight that is now upon my shoulders. I'll carry your load. I'll love in your place. I'll learn the lessons you were supposed to teach me on my own. Just know, we all become what we deserve.
StrangeFruit Feb 2017
As it breaks through the clouds I lift my head to feel the warmth the sun provides.
With a steady breath I breathe in natures perfect scent.
I walk and my mind is calm.
I feel nothing except this overwhelming sense of peace.
And as I watch the trees dance along to a melody only they can hear, I think of You.
Your presence takes over me and my heart becomes free.
I find myself wrapped in an embrace that my mere human words cannot express.
Time keeps moving on but my heart seems to wait.
I close my eyes as You lead me to the truth that will cleanse my broken mind.

— The End —