As far as I can think back
Sadness is all I've known
It's almost what I like
It's almost comforting

The moods change with the placement of my body.
With you I'm perfect.
The world is beautiful and I want to explore with you and only you.
At work it's hot and angry and I feel a need to leave,
But on my way home in the silence and dark sky it becomes deppressing.
Sitting in my car because I don't want to walk through that storm door because I know what will happen.
I know I'll begin to not eat and become depressed.
I don't want to be sad anymore so can I please spend all my time with you?
I know I get annoying and you think I'm dumb sometimes but I don't care
I'd rather be with you where I can be happy.
I just really want to make you happy too.
But I know I don't
And I want to sleep in my car in my driveway because I'm scared of my bed and my starving stomach.
But it will soon pull me in
And I'll spend the rest of my night thinking of you
And thinking of how I could be happy
If only I could make you happy
But I don't
And I can't
Just let me be happy.

All I feel is oppression
Your foot never leaving my neck
Always having me down
Making me feel so pathetic

Always considering the rope
You tie the knot and that's it
All problems are solved
Gravity will do it's trick

Forever a slave to myself
Eyes always at the ground
I keep getting my faults called out
You put me so ******* down

But i'm content with this feeling
I'm comfortable in my own skin
I except and welcome depression
Because deep down I love to let it in

You're just a cigarette
And this temporary buzz isn't enough for this longing heart
I need a stronger substitute
Something with a full effect
Someone with an addiction so strong it's impossible to break

I am forever a slave to myself.
Always trapped inside my head, where I can't get out.
"false hope is better than no hope" and I want to believe it,
but something inside wants the real thing.

I don't understand how I can fake emotions so well.
My mind always gets the best of me while I'm by myself.
I try to say things will work out
But it's so hard to believe when I always go south.

In my car on another late Wednesday night
The blues have taken over
Nothing but silence and the cigarette smoke leaving out of my window
Cars pass by with families in them
While I'm cold and tired
They pay no attention to me but I know them very well already
They're not satisfied with how they're life turned out
Nobody is ever happy enough
And nobody can solve the problems that really matter
We as a people request a more satisfying taste in our mouth
A more beautiful sight to see
Or we will grow disrespectful and resentful to our surroundings
As we have seen them many times before
We as a people know that this will not change and we are all stuck in hell

Rain has never been as nice as it is now
It bounces off your cheeks when you smile
I could watch this happen forever
Can we just stay here for a while
So we can talk about our plans after high school
And we can talk about each other
These moments they'll soon end
I know they won't last forever
I am **** to your touch
I am filth on the street
Watch me be walked on
Underneath your reach
You'll try to grab and pick me up
But I like this just fine
Every now and then it's warm
But it stays cold most of the time
You are everything to me
You are the air I want to breath
I'm just a cloud in the sky
But you darling you're the sea.

Maybe drugs are a good replacement of loneliness because being with you is like being in a different mental state.
And that mental state is called happiness and I don't know how to get there anymore.
So rip open  my chest and grab my heart with your hand and tell me everything will be okay
Because I'll believe you
And I couldn't believe anybody else
But that's what tears me apart inside is knowing that you want something else
Knowing that you could never talk to me again and be okay
So I'll just go back to my room and close my door
Wishing that you were on my bed smiling back at me
But I'd tear out my own eyes if you left because I'd rather see nothing then to never see you again.

Broken down and beaten
until I can't feel a thing
Hoping for some comforting
But it's just because
I have grown so selfish
Why should I someday feel something?

When I've treated those
I've supposedly loved
with so much anger
with so much hatred
I'm so empty
I'm so alone
You took all the light
now I'm left hollow.

I'm slowly dying
becoming more depressed each day
How am I capable
of such self hatred
I'm stranded in my desert
being overtaken by sandstorms
If this is what life is
then I don't want it.

Let my eyes dry out from staring into yours.
I never want to blink because you'll be gone.
Dehydration is my best friend.
I'd rather die than be alone.

I'll find the reapor before I find love.
He'll stalk and wait for my final breath.
I see him out of the corner of my eye.
Laughing as I'm killing myself from the inside.

I am a magnet attaching myself.
To anything somewhat similar to me.
Because I'm so scared to be alone,
That I'd rather get hurt constantly.

My life consists of a personal war.
Constantly surrendering to depression.
Convincing myself I'm not enough for those around.
I'm not enough.

I want to die.
The reapor is my own hands.
The reapor is the rope that I have tied.
Let this be the last word I say, goodbye.

I know you're not good for me
You're the reason I want to **** myself
But I couldn't care any less
Because I don't care about me

I just want you to be happy
Even tho you may not deserve it
I can just see the sadness in your eyes
I can feel your depressio

You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen.
So I go up to you and say hi and become friends.
Friends.
Friends.
I wish I could just tell you I love you.
But I won't be able to take it if you don't feel the same.
My dad just recently told me he got a job and we're moving.
Far away.
I love you.
I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
I tell her.
SHE FEELS THE SAME.
We kiss and it's wonderful.
But I remember.
I'm going to miss you I say.
I will miss you too she says.
We kiss.
We say goodbye.
Tears roll down her cheek.
I whipe them away with my thumb and say.
I love you.
And everyone else around you loves you.
It will be okay.
she looks at me and smiles.
Her smile.
I get in the car.
We start rolling away.
I'll never see her again.
I love her.

Tell me all the things I don't want to hear.
Does that make you happy?
I'd do anything for you.
And you know it too.
you'll take advantage of me every change you get.
But it's fine.
Because I love you.
And even tho you don't love me.
I'm forever grateful you're in my life.

Look at me
I'm so selfish
I'm so self obsessive
I think I'm so cool but I have so many flaws
Sometime I look from the outside
And I hate what I see
Look at me

It makes me smile when I see my friends happy.
But how come I can never be happy myself?
Always getting picked on for keeping my head low.
But maybe I just have bad posture?
Maybe the reason my eyes are always to the ground, is because over time I've built up such a great deal of self hatred that I can't even take it anymore.
Its like every time I try to do something right or fit in with my friends they put me down for being exactly like them.
Everything about me is wrong.
I want to be okay.
And even tho I don't believe in anything beyond this life.
I sometimes think be better than this constant depression.