My Feelings  
like a dam just waiting to break  

My Thoughts  
like a swirl just waiting to spiral  

I either feel too much  
or think too much  

Others’ feelings  
like a river flowing  

Others’ thoughts  
like a soft blow  

It’s balanced
they don’t feel too much or too little  
they don’t think too much or too little  
just… enough  

I feel too much  
I think too much  
I’m too much  

Or is the world too little?  

“You’re too sensitive”  

Maybe I just feel deeply  
Is that a curse?  
A gift?  
Both?  

Like a double edged sword  
making me weak and strong  

Emotions and thoughts
two things that make us human  
two things that need to be balanced,  
yin and yang  

That balance harder to find  
than a needle buried deep in a straw bale  

Who is in control?  
Who is right?  
Me? My thoughts? My feelings?  
Everything and nothing?  

Maybe I’m the dam and the river  
Maybe I’m the swirl and the soft blow  
And maybe nobody has found the needle

I'd tell you're worth it
I'd tell you're not worthless

I don't care.
I tell myself that.
I don't care.
I tell everyone that.
But the truth is...I care...even if I try not to.
I care even if I act cold.
I care even if I act tough.
I care even if I act like I don't.
I can't stop caring.
I feel deep.
I act like I don't.

I don't know.
I don't know what to write what to say how to say it how to be.
I have ideas.
I have people I could talk to about it.
I have it but I can't use it.
I could but that means opening up...
Opening up about something deep inside of me...
Opening up about my biggest burden...
Opening up about something hurtful...
Opening up about something I kept hidden...
Opening up about something buried deep...
Opening up about something I pushed down...
Opening up about something I ignored for years...
So I can't do it.

'Don't cry' They'd say
'You cry too much' They'd say
'Crying is weak' They'd say
'You're too sensible' They'd say
'You're such a crybaby' They'd say
'You're too much' They'd say
I was 9 but I felt broken
I stopped showing my sadness
Bottling it all up
I dare not cry
'Crying is bad' I'd tell myself
'I'm proud of you for not crying' They'd say
BUT
Crying is NOT bad
Crying is HEALTHY
Crying is a STRENGTH
Feeling deep is a GIFT
I know that now

Words should feel easy right?
Something to communicate
Something to understand each other
Something to avoid misunderstandings
Something to explain thoughts and feelings
But it doesn't
It just doesn't...
Words feel like a puzzle you can't solve
Your mind is a mess which you can't explain
Everyone says "It's okey take your time"
They don't get it...
They don't ******* get it!
You don't need "more time"
The words just don't ******* match what your mind does and thinks
Words are a ******* Puzzle everyone seems to have solved just not you
A puzzle with broken pieces
A puzzle with missing pieces
A puzzle with not matching pieces
A just unsolvable ******* puzzle.

Why am I not happy
Everything is okey
Nothing bad
And even if..
Nothing big just minor bad
Should be happy
Should be grateful
Should be okey
But no
Spiraling into negativity
Why...
Why is the usual not working
Why...
I should be okey
But I'm not...